Archive for the ‘Ohio’ Category

That’s What You Said About Us­ing Your In­tern As a Bench

Suit #1: Hey, did the DB team ever send you that da­ta for your re­port?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: Can’t you just make up the num­bers?
Suit #2: I would, but I al­ready made up 60% of the num­bers in the re­port.
Suit #1: 60%?
Suit #2: Yeah, gen­er­al­ly 40% of the num­bers in a re­port have to be ac­cu­rate. It’s an ac­cept­ed stan­dard.

Cleve­land, Ohio

1PM Lunch

Work­er #1: Did you know that Big Lots closed all of its fur­ni­ture stores down? It was no IKEA but it sure had a few nice things in there. Damn I am full of gas this af­ter­noon.
Work­er #2: I did­n’t know they had fur­ni­ture stores…
Work­er #1: Yeah…They have sure­ly came a long way since I was a kid. They al­ways had like the crap­pi­est food stuff. They are a close-out store, right?
Work­er #2: I did­n’t know they had food.
Work­er #1: Well, not food food, but like ce­re­al.
Work­er #2: Oh, shelf food. Yeah.
Work­er #1: Yeah..I would to­tal­ly not buy dis­con­tin­ued ba­nanas. That’s just rank.

1 Eas­t­on Oval
Colum­bus, Ohio

…Could You Turn on My Com­put­er for Me?

Cre­ative di­rec­tor: I can’t take the course be­cause I don’t have the soft­ware.
Pe­on: Why don’t you find out what the soft­ware costs and how to get it, and sub­mit a pro­pos­al?
Cre­ative di­rec­tor: I don’t know where to find that in­for­ma­tion.
Pe­on: Why don’t you use some­thing called “the in­ter­net” to look it up?
Cre­ative di­rec­tor: You mean like go in­to Google and type the name of the soft­ware?
Pe­on: Yeah, like that.
Cre­ative di­rec­tor: Oh, good idea.

Colum­bus, Ohio

Over­heard by: Horse Whis­per­er

Dear World, I’m Killing My­self at This Time to In­con­ve­nience Cousin Bob

Co-Work­er: My cousin died in a car ac­ci­dent yes­ter­day.
Boss: Oh, I’m sor­ry.
Co-Work­er: Yeah. The fu­ner­al is Sat­ur­day in St. Louis.
Boss: Will you be go­ing?
Co-Work­er: Oh no! That’s not enough time for me to get every­thing around and make it down there! I mean, maybe if they had giv­en me a week’s no­tice…

Olen­tangy Riv­er Road
Colum­bus, Ohio