Archive for the ‘Office Politics’ Category

4PM Brainstorming Session

New training manager: Back in the day, I had a great idea. I know we’re into this touchy-feely self-esteem human resource stuff, but I said: “Take the supervisor who has the highest rate of unqualified, untrained direct reports, walk him to the end of the pier, and shoot him!” They told me I couldn’t do that. But it would have been effective!

75 Eastern Point Road
Groton, Connecticut

Why Sensitivity Training Exists

Boss: The incentive this month is: the person with the most accounts will get a steak dinner on me. And you can bring your boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, you don’t have to eat alone, I’ll pay for them too.
Female sales rep: What if I have like eight boyfriends?
Boss: Well, then you’re a whore. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Once I’m Fired, for Instance

Coworker #1: So I have decided that I’m only going to do work when the boss is in the office.
Coworker #2: Haha! That is so awesome!
Coworker #1: I feel like it’s only fair, if she isn’t going to be here working, why should I work?
Coworker #2: I agree, she is the captain of this ship, after all.
Coworker #1: And, if I’m forced to do work, for example take a telephone call, I will document the time so that in the future I can make up that time back by not working.

Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania

Does That Mean We Get to Kick You in the Groin?

Peon to fellow cube-mates: What would happen if no one ever reached their target, but they just kept placing it further and further away for the sake of “striving for excellence”? (pause) Sounds like you’re setting up your people for failure. You ever watch Ninja Warrior? That show is the bomb. They have crazy, semi-impossible obstacle courses, and if a contestant passes all four stages, they win. The point is, no one is supposed to win! The obstacles get harder and harder to keep people from succeeding, not to hope and pray that they win… You are all honorary ninja warriors.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: Rio