Overheard In The Office

Archive for the ‘Office Politics’ Category

Ten-Mil­lion-Dol­lar Dis­crim­i­na­tion Suits Start Out In­no­cent­ly Enough

Man­ag­er: We re­al­ly need to work on prop­er pro­nun­ci­a­tion on the phones. We re­al­ly hear a lot of this, and it def­i­nite­ly needs to be im­proved. For in­stance: How do you say a‑s-k? Any­one? (pause) You say “ask” not “axed”!
Em­ploy­ee: Well, who say dat?

Wayne, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: of­fice grunt #12

10AM Re­view Napoleon­ic Code

At­tor­ney #1: The gov­er­nor sug­gest­ed that every­one not evac­u­at­ing write their so­cial se­cu­ri­ty num­ber on their arm in in­deli­ble ink. I’m go­ing to go through our data­base and tat­too the SSN of our rich­est client on my chest with my chil­dren as ben­e­fi­cia­ries.
At­tor­ney #2: You bet­ter get that tat­too on your ass be­cause you’re go­ing to be float­ing face down in the flood­wa­ter.

8555 Unit­ed Plaza Boule­vard
Ba­ton Rouge, Louisiana

That’s What You Said About Us­ing Your In­tern As a Bench

Suit #1: Hey, did the DB team ever send you that da­ta for your re­port?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: Can’t you just make up the num­bers?
Suit #2: I would, but I al­ready made up 60% of the num­bers in the re­port.
Suit #1: 60%?
Suit #2: Yeah, gen­er­al­ly 40% of the num­bers in a re­port have to be ac­cu­rate. It’s an ac­cept­ed stan­dard.

Cleve­land, Ohio

We For­got We Have to Watch Our Tongues Around You

Of­fice la­dy #1: I guess no one ob­ject­ed to me toss­ing out their sal­ad.
Of­fice la­dy #2: Well, Jim did when I tossed his.
Of­fice guy #1: I re­al­ly hope you guys are talk­ing about a reg­u­lar sal­ad.
Of­fice la­dy #2: No, I was talk­ing about his ass.
Of­fice la­dy #1: What? I don’t get it.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Mary­land

Over­heard by: Mykl