9AM Thanksgiving…Come Back…

Secretary: You can’t do that!
VP: I’m like Bush. I answer to God.
Secretary: You answer to me!
VP: Isn’t that what I just said?

10559 Citation Drive
Brighton, Michigan

Overheard by: Abigail Fisher 

I Myself Am a Pepperoni-American

Professor: America is a melting pot.
Dude: America is not a melting pot… It’s more of a Lunchable. We are all in the same place, but we keep to our own little compartments.

1906 College Heights Boulevard
Bowling Green, Kentucky

Overheard by: hyacinth_hunter

We’re Still Paying Off the Judgment in the Dumpty Case

CEO: We don’t want to get sued because someone has a ridiculously large head.

Wausau, Wisconsin

That Damn Mannequin Always Shows Us Up

Manager at meeting: Dusty is the only person cooperating here – he hasn’t said a thing!

Carrollton, Texas

The Perils of the Riddle Industry

Client: It doesn’t sound as if the rep really understands the product. Does she need more training?
Account Manager: Oh, she understands the product. She just can’t explain it.

6665 N. Macarthur Boulevard
Irving, Texas

Yet You Call Social Services When I Do That with My Kid?

Coworker, angrily: I can’t help it if I care! I have a soul.
Boss: Leave it in the car on your way in.

Outpatient Mental Health Facility
New Jersey

Overheard by: Peon

Or Am I Now Cleared to Take a Pencil from the Supply Cabinet?

Professor: Do I need to sign something saying I signed something?

Langford Architecture Center, Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas

Overheard by: Faith

Do You Really Want Me Hanging Around ‘Til I Find One?

Purchasing manager: Can I borrow a pencil?
Receptionist: No. If you don’t come prepared, I ain’t helping you.

Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Nikki

9AM Today’s Looking Up

Manager: Will you help him on this issue?
Buyer #1: I’d be happy to help him.

15 minutes pass.

Buyer #2: If you just don’t do your work, they won’t fire you; they’ll
just give it to somebody else.

6808 Lake Worth Boulevard
Fort Worth, Texas

Overheard by: Cube Monkey 

Are You Putting My Files in the Trash?

Human resources rep, bringing in files: I am the depositor of things to be scanned!
Peon: I don’t like you.
Human resources rep: Hahaha! I don’t like you, either.

Bayonne, New Jersey