Archive for the ‘Office Politics’ Category

I Sug­gest You Glue Your Ass to Your Own Chair

Of­fice drone #1: What’s a fun­nier prank — if I tape the the re­ceiv­er to the boss’s phone, or if I fix it so she can’t open the draw­er?
Of­fice drone #2: Um, maybe you should… [looks point­ed­ly at re­turn­ing boss be­hind drone #1].
Of­fice drone #1: I know! I’ll glue her cof­fee mug to her desk. Bitch’ll be spew­ing!
Boss, stand­ing right be­hind drone #1: Bitch is be­hind you.

Har­ris Street
Pyr­mont, Syd­ney

Over­heard by: get back to work!

Ten-Mil­lion-Dol­lar Dis­crim­i­na­tion Suits Start Out In­no­cent­ly Enough

Man­ag­er: We re­al­ly need to work on prop­er pro­nun­ci­a­tion on the phones. We re­al­ly hear a lot of this, and it def­i­nite­ly needs to be im­proved. For in­stance: How do you say a‑s-k? Any­one? (pause) You say “ask” not “axed”!
Em­ploy­ee: Well, who say dat?

Wayne, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: of­fice grunt #12

10AM Re­view Napoleon­ic Code

At­tor­ney #1: The gov­er­nor sug­gest­ed that every­one not evac­u­at­ing write their so­cial se­cu­ri­ty num­ber on their arm in in­deli­ble ink. I’m go­ing to go through our data­base and tat­too the SSN of our rich­est client on my chest with my chil­dren as ben­e­fi­cia­ries.
At­tor­ney #2: You bet­ter get that tat­too on your ass be­cause you’re go­ing to be float­ing face down in the flood­wa­ter.

8555 Unit­ed Plaza Boule­vard
Ba­ton Rouge, Louisiana