Sole African American lady in office: Man! If she sticks her head any farther up the boss' ass, she'll look like me!
Jeannette, Pennsylvania
Archive for the ‘Office Politics’ Category
Eh, to Air Is Human.
Female coworker, about manager: I'm not sayin' that I'm fuckin' Coretta Scott King in this bitch, but I'm not fartin' in a cubicle!
West Lafayette, Indiana
Like Bad Employees, Good Customers Need Special Handling
Boss: This lady is coming at 4:30 to pick her labels. So call when they are ready.
Lackey: If she's coming at 4:30, why should I call her?
Boss: So she knows when they are ready. And call me too.
Lackey: So, do I call her or you?
Boss: Both of us.
Pennsylvania
We Wondered About the Tubs of Hand Lotion
Perky career director: We're here to service all of you!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: theintern
Taking the ‘Vice’ Out of ‘Sleeping With the Vice-President,’ One Rationalization at a Time
Woman #1: He had such a big penis.
Woman #2: Oh my God, that is so hot. Did you hear about Richard*?
Woman #1: But he is a subordinate! I am not cheating on my husband with a subordinate. It feels more guilty that way. At least I feel like I’m gaining more than pleasure from sleeping with the exec.
Main Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Sorry, the Clown Suit Keeps Throwing Me Off
Lead animator: Quit goofing off!
Animator: I’m not.
Lead animator: I said no goofing off! Get to work!
Animator: I am working.
Lead animator, hitting animator with poster: No talking! Get to work!
Animator: I am working!
Lead animator: [Picks up computer mouse, and throws it across the desk.] Get to work! No talking!
Las Cruces, New Mexico
Overheard by: pretty picture guy
I Was Talking to Bruce Springsteen
Employee: Nice skirt, boss!
Boss: I'm wearing pants.
Anchorage, Alaska
Hey, Tara Reid Is Just Trying to Make It Through Her Day Like the Rest of Us
Trader: If you’re drunk or high come over and share, but if you’re retarded I can’t help you.
1801 East 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: her boss
12PM Meeting (Cont’d)
VP: I don’t necessarily want you to improve one thing by 100%, but if you improve 100 things by 1% you will still have made 100% improvement. That’s all I ask.
5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
Or Will We Finally Get a Taste?
Suit to a group of coworkers who just crowded into elevator: Do you think we’ll get to talk about Matt’s nuggets at this morning’s meeting?
SoMa
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Green