Office drone #1: I see you’ve got a machete.
Office drone #2, wistfully: Who doesn’t, in this workaday world?
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Stunned into silence
Archive for the ‘Office Politics’ Category
He Rated My Rack “Fair and Balanced”
Female suit: So I was on the elevator with him, and had to explain to Roger Ailes why I was in a bra and panties.
FOX News Headquarters
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Newsbunny
Now Go Back to Your Storage Closet ‘Til We Buzz You Again
Entry level peon: What I need is a lackey to follow me around and do stuff for me when I tell them to.
Manager: Listen honey, I hate to tell you this, but you are the lackey.
Argentia Road
Mississauga
Canadia
Overheard by: Nobody’s bitch
“Oh, and we’re dropping quality, too.”
VP Engineering: Printing has been dropped as a feature, but at least we’re not sacrificing quality to meet the schedule.
2279 Vista Del Mar
San Mateo, California
I Suggest You Glue Your Ass to Your Own Chair
Office drone #1: What’s a funnier prank — if I tape the the receiver to the boss’s phone, or if I fix it so she can’t open the drawer?
Office drone #2: Um, maybe you should… [looks pointedly at returning boss behind drone #1].
Office drone #1: I know! I’ll glue her coffee mug to her desk. Bitch’ll be spewing!
Boss, standing right behind drone #1: Bitch is behind you.
Harris Street
Pyrmont, Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: get back to work!
What Is It with That Word?
Office peon: Will the office gift exchange be unisex?
Boss (seriously): That’s inappropriate in the workplace.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: beth the observer
Then I’ll Get Promoted for Sure!
Manager: I’ll just talk a lot… but not really say anything.
5800 South Quebec Street
Greenwood Village, Colorado
Overheard by: leedle
Ten-Million-Dollar Discrimination Suits Start Out Innocently Enough
Manager: We really need to work on proper pronunciation on the phones. We really hear a lot of this, and it definitely needs to be improved. For instance: How do you say a‑s-k? Anyone? (pause) You say “ask” not “axed”!
Employee: Well, who say dat?
Wayne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: office grunt #12
You’re Their Manager, Sir.
Frustrated coworker to outside vendor: I must have gotten the confused department, because they don’t know what they’re doing.
East Petersburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Michelle
The Day the Company Springs for Phones, It’ll Blow Their Minds.
VP to manager: My job is going across the street saying things aren’t going very well, and your job is to come to me and tell me things aren’t going very well.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: debragail
