Attorney #1: The governor suggested that everyone not evacuating write their social security number on their arm in indelible ink. I’m going to go through our database and tattoo the SSN of our richest client on my chest with my children as beneficiaries.
Attorney #2: You better get that tattoo on your ass because you’re going to be floating face down in the floodwater.
8555 United Plaza Boulevard
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Staff member holding disheveled pile of papers: Now I have to go hand this in with the pages all crinkly ’cause someone threw a water balloon into my cubicle.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: culprit
Attorney on phone with secretary: Hello. (pause) A package? Who's it from? He brought it by hand? Can you open it for me? Just want to make sure it isn't a bomb. (pause) What? No, not like that, I mean a legal bomb. Like detrimental paperwork.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Office Manager
Suit #1: Hey, did the DB team ever send you that data for your report?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: Can't you just make up the numbers?
Suit #2: I would, but I already made up 60% of the numbers in the report.
Suit #1: 60%?
Suit #2: Yeah, generally 40% of the numbers in a report have to be accurate. It's an accepted standard.
Cleveland, Ohio
Office lady #1: I guess no one objected to me tossing out their salad.
Office lady #2: Well, Jim did when I tossed his.
Office guy #1: I really hope you guys are talking about a regular salad.
Office lady #2: No, I was talking about his ass.
Office lady #1: What? I don't get it.
University of Maryland
Overheard by: Mykl
Sole African American lady in office: Man! If she sticks her head any farther up the boss' ass, she'll look like me!
Jeannette, Pennsylvania
Female coworker, about manager: I'm not sayin' that I'm fuckin' Coretta Scott King in this bitch, but I'm not fartin' in a cubicle!
West Lafayette, Indiana
Boss: This lady is coming at 4:30 to pick her labels. So call when they are ready.
Lackey: If she's coming at 4:30, why should I call her?
Boss: So she knows when they are ready. And call me too.
Lackey: So, do I call her or you?
Boss: Both of us.
Pennsylvania
Perky career director: We're here to service all of you!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: theintern
Woman #1: He had such a big penis.
Woman #2: Oh my God, that is so hot. Did you hear about Richard*?
Woman #1: But he is a subordinate! I am not cheating on my husband with a subordinate. It feels more guilty that way. At least I feel like I’m gaining more than pleasure from sleeping with the exec.
Main Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts