Trader: If you’re drunk or high come over and share, but if you’re retarded I can’t help you.
1801 East 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: her boss
Archive for the ‘Office Politics’ Category
12PM Meeting (Cont’d)
VP: I don’t necessarily want you to improve one thing by 100%, but if you improve 100 things by 1% you will still have made 100% improvement. That’s all I ask.
5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
Or Will We Finally Get a Taste?
Suit to a group of coworkers who just crowded into elevator: Do you think we’ll get to talk about Matt’s nuggets at this morning’s meeting?
SoMa
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Green
Wasn’t There a Rule about Only Making New Rules on Even-Numbered Days?
Mailroom girl #1: Ugh! No speaking in French while I’m counting mail!
Mailroom girl #2: Sweet Jesus, every day there’s a new rule!
Ft. Lowell and Alvernon
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: dances with wolverines
And I'm Sorry You Walked in While I Was “Being Strategical”…
Senior sales VP: I need to set apart a set amount of time every day so I'm not bothered. That's the time I need to be strategical.
Fort Myers, Florida
But This Is a Manure Company!
CSR #1, complaining about trainee: All this guy keeps saying is “I'm a senior engineer; I already know what I'm doing,” and flat out refuses to listen to what I'm telling him. I mean, it's just a title, guy. Stop being a dick.
CSR #2: Oh, yeah? Well I'm a customer service representative. I don't represent shit!
Chesapeake, Virginia
11AM Design Session
Designer: We can’t afford naked people. All of those photos are rights managed. So tomorrow I’m bringing in my digital camera.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
9AM Today’s Looking Up
Manager: Will you help him on this issue?
Buyer #1: I’d be happy to help him.
15 minutes pass.
Buyer #2: If you just don’t do your work, they won’t fire you; they’ll
just give it to somebody else.
6808 Lake Worth Boulevard
Fort Worth, Texas
Overheard by: Cube Monkey
Native Americans: Jeez, Even the Bigots Ignore Us!
CEO to new sales rep: Use your judgment when it comes to payment schedules. If they sound like good people — you know, like normal Americans on the phone — we’ll bill them. But Ay-rabs and Orientals pay COD. You have to watch those bastards, ’cause they’ll all fuck you.
1190 North Del Rio Place
Ontario, California
Overheard by: Really glad I gave notice yesterday
…Where's My Applause?
Female VP: I have about three nanoseconds to get to the washroom before everything goes very wrong down there. (later, walking back into the office, announces loudly) I made it!
Toronto
Canadia