Woman on phone: Mom, tell my brother that if he doesn’t pick up his car, I’m gonna have it towed.
[pause]
Woman on phone: Because I don’t want it parked in front of my house.
[pause]
Woman on phone: Because I don’t want to advertise to the entire neighborhood that black people live here.
465 Main Street
Charlestown, Massachusetts
Cube dweller #1: There’s one bagel left.
Cube dweller #2: I think that’s the one that was on the floor.
Cube dweller #3: No, I ate that one.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Tech #1: Can I have the key to the IDF closet?
Tech #2: I don’t have it, it’s in the lockbox.
Tech #1: Well then, can I have the key to the lockbox?
Tech #2: It’s not locked.
20800 Harvard Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Cubicle girl: [Brad], want anything from Taco Bell? I’m making a run.
[Brad]: Yeah, I’ll go with you. But let me give you my order first.Cubicle girl: But you’re coming with me.
[Brad]: I don’t want to forget what I want. So I want the spicy chicken, spicy, make sure it’s spicy…250 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Pretty blonde girl: Umm, excuse me, but do you have a tampon? I’m desperate.
Obese, sassy librarian: Yeah, I have one. But it’s inserted.
Monson Free Library
Monson, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Boss in hallway (with hand on doorknob): Are you joining me in this conference room?
Peon: That’s the closet.
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: just another peon
FBI agent: Excuse me, I’m an investigator for the FBI. I would like a copy of a student’s transcript.
Registrar: Ok. You need to pay a $7 transcript fee.
FBI agent: Uh. I don’t think I need to pay that. I’m an investigator for the FBI.
Registrar: Everybody has to pay for a transcript.
FBI agent: I think I will have to speak to your supervisor.
Registrar: I’m sorry, but that’s what the sign says.
John Jay College of Criminal Justice, 10th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Waiting next in line
Secretary: Nicole is on the phone for you.
Boss: Oh, man!
Secretary: I can get rid of her for you… Not in a mobster kind of way!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Intern on lunch break: Can I have a napkin, please?
Bored cafeteria lady, without looking up: Use your sleeve.
(intern backs away slowly)
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Fellow cubicle-dweller
Male coworker #1: I’ve got a Mac mini in my drawer if you want one.
Male coworker #2: That’s what you say to all the ladies.
Female coworker: I’m not sure that would be very effective!
Berkeley, California
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
