Boss to underling: Would you please go next door and politely shoot their dog?
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category
We Stopped That Whole “Give Us Your Poor, Your Tired…” Thing Ages Ago
Receptionist: No, sir. No, I don’t know where you heard that. (pause) No, our judges cannot issue you a new Green Card over the phone.
Baltimore, Maryland
Oh, I Know You’re a Fan Of My Hard Candy?
Attractive female employee: Hey Steve*, do you have something hard that I can suck on to keep me awake?
Steve*, after 15 second pause and in disbelief: Jane*, you really don’t know how long I have been waiting for you to ask me that.
Attractive female employee, turning red: I meant did you have candy, like Jolly Ranchers or something.
San Luis Obisbo, California
Dog the Bounty Hunter Seems to Have Lost Its Way
University maintenance worker, over walkie-talkie: I was just talking with Lisa, and she says she has like a weird smell in her room. So I was gonna ask if you could come over here and help me smell it.
Hawaii
Overheard by: It takes two people?
Suzy Goes Predator-Trolling to Amuse Herself
Eight-year-old girl running up to her mother in line: I’m 13, and you don’t know me!
JC Penney
Eugene, Oregon
Now Move, Move, Move!
Man, shouting at secretary: No! You will take this to the bank, then you’ll pick up my coffee, then you can go in to recovery!
Victoria Parade, East Melbourne
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Kate
They Brought Popcorn to the Sexual Harassment Video, and Hooted
Male worker to another: Damn, look at that girl’s ass on MySpace!
Female worker: Could you guys do this somewhere else?
Male worker: Nope, you see, this office is just like the guys’ locker room and you just happen to be working here.
Washington, DC
Never Lose Bets to Your Children
Parent to teacher: Would it be possible for students to have extra recess time instead of silent reading?
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
You Know Those Guys Whose Signal Keeps Breaking Up?
Marcoms manager: The new Bluetooth dongles are here.
VP of operations: Can I have a dongle?
Marcoms manager: You just like saying the word “dongle.“
VP of operations: Actually, I already have a dongle, it’s just not a Bluetooth one. (winks)
Marcoms manager: So you can’t use it from 33 feet away?
VP of operations: Nope. If I could, that would be like a Tyrannosaurus dongle!
Seattle, Washington
12PM Inventory
Employee: Hey, I have an open hour today. Is there anything you need?
Supervisor #1: Um, yeah. One of the ceiling tiles broke, and they don’t make that type anymore, and in order to get an estimate redoing all the ceiling tiles, I need you to go around and count them.
Supervisor #2: Yeah…but in the corners: you know how they aren’t full tiles? You need to measure them and figure out what percentage of a full tile it is. You know, so we can get an accurate assessment.
30 minutes go by.
Supervisor #1: Are you seriously counting all of those tiles?
Employee: Yeah, why? Oh, man. Fuck you guys.
11161 Mill Valley Road
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Bronxie
