Saleslady to woman: How may I help you?
Woman: Hi, I'm looking for something specific.
(45 seconds of silence)
Saleslady: Aisle 14.
Victor, New York
Overheard by: Yikes!
Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category
Anaphylactic Shock Isn’t the Worst Way to Go
Cube monkey #1: I’m losing my will to live.
Cube monkey #2: Would a tiny peanut butter cookie help?
Calgary
Canada
Of All the Rib Joints, in All the Towns, in All the World, She Had to Walk Into Mine
Intern on lunch break: Can I have a napkin, please?
Bored cafeteria lady, without looking up: Use your sleeve.
(intern backs away slowly)
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Fellow cubicle-dweller
I Was Thinking More in Terms Of Using It As Toilet Paper
Editor to writer: Do you want to talk about your cover story submission?
Writer: Not really.
Editor: Well, there are a couple of techniques we could use to improve it.
Writer: Is one of them leaving it the hell alone?
Augusta, Georgia
11AM Tech Support
Dinosaur: I hate this hourglass.
IT: The hourglass at your cursor?
Dinosaur: Yes, can you remove it?
IT: Why?
Dinosaur: It slows my computer down.
7071 University Boulevard
Winter Park, Florida
Dred Scott!
Aggravated nurse, complaining about slave monitor malfunction: Can someone come help me with this goddamn thing again?
Helpful, tech-savvy male nurse: What's the matter?
Aggravated nurse: My slave is black!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Speechless, blinking….
When Auditors Give Pep Talks to Each Other
Coworker on phone: Well, tell her to bend over and hand you some KY.
Cartersville, Georgia
Overheard by: Shocked and Disturbed
Though I Give My Body to Be Burned, It Profiteth Me Nothing
Customer service agent, ending phone call: Thank you for calling. Is there anything else you need to help us with today?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Sars
Not Why I Went to Law School, But What Are Ya Gonna Do?
Criminal defense attorney: Leave me alone. I have to get back to work.
Peon: Why is that?
Criminal defense attorney: I have a client that might actually be innocent.
39 South LaSalle Street
Chicago, Illinois
11AM Filing
Boss: All of these folders need to be filed right away, but I can’t trust the desk guys to do it.
Tutor #1: Isn’t that their job?
Boss: Yes, but they need to be filed alphabetically, and they can’t do that.
Tutor #1: They can’t file alphabetically?
Boss: Apparently not. [Tutor #2] spent two hours yesterday trying to put everything back in order.
Tutor #2, breaking into laughter: Is that what you thought I was doing? Shit!
Boss: What were you doing, then?
Tutor #2: I dropped my ring in the drawer, and I had to take out all the folders to find it! It took forever, too.
Boss: Did you at least put them back alphabetically when you were done?
Tutor $2: Are you on crack? That’s the desk guy’s job!
101 Braddock Road
Frostburg, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren