Archive for the ‘Nurses’ Category

It’s Just a Lit­tle Ex­cit­ed, That’s All

Nurse #1: Well, then what in the hell is the dif­fer­ence be­tween a three­some and a gang­bang? Are there spe­cif­ic rules?
Nurse #2: I guess… I tried it with my boyfriend and my room­mate once…
Sick­ly pa­tient: Ex­cuse me… Is my IV sup­posed to be leak­ing?

Emer­gency Room
St. Louis, Mis­souri

Re­mem­ber When We Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Took Out the Wrong Colon? Oh, We Laughed!

[In the ER.]Nurse #1: Oh my god.
Nurse #2: What?
Nurse #1, look­ing hor­ri­fied: I just en­tered all of these notes on the wrong pa­tien­t’s file.
Nurse #2: It’s okay. Just go back, delete, and re-en­ter them for the right pa­tient.
Nurse #1, dis­tressed at her­self: But that’s aw­ful! What would have hap­pened?
Nurse #2, shrug­ging: ‘s’okay, hap­pens all the time.

Hos­pi­tal
Beck­ley, West Vir­ginia

For Him, That’s Still Pret­ty Good

Pa­tient #1 to fam­i­ly mem­ber on Skype: Yeah, they’re tak­ing re­al good care of me. (to nurse) Say hi to my sis­ter.
(nurse leans in to com­put­er screen, waves hel­lo)
Fam­i­ly mem­ber on Skype: Is he be­ing a good pa­tient?
Pa­tient #2, on oth­er side of cur­tain: He’s cryin’ like a lit­tle bitch!

Stony Brook Hos­pi­tal
Long Is­land, New York

Clears That Can­cer Right Up

Nurse: Peo­ple just keep call­ing me and call­ing me about get­ting pain pills called in. They just need to be a lit­tle sauced up — then they’d be fine!

14100 Park­way Com­mons Dri­ve
Ok­la­homa City, Ok­la­homa

Any Ex­cuse to Tell That Sto­ry

Nurse: She’s been so much bet­ter to­day. Chat­ty. She still walks around like this [puts chin to chest], but she came up to me and was like, “How are you to­day?” I said, “Huh? Oh, I’m fine!” Maybe it’s the Celexa.
Psy­chi­a­trist: Ac­tu­al­ly we’re wean­ing her off the Celexa. We start­ed her on Ef­fex­or.
Nurse: Oh, well, maybe that’s it.
Psy­chi­a­trist: She’s on­ly been on it one day. That would­n’t re­al­ly be long enough.
Nurse: No, that’s not… Celexa… I think I was tak­ing that when I got in­to a fight at the air­port. You know those guys with the M‑16s? Well, I told this one bitch I was gonna jump over the counter and take her out.
Girl: That was Celexa?
Nurse, smil­ing: Yeah.

Ore­gon State Hos­pi­tal
Salem, Ore­gon