Archive for the ‘Nurses’ Category

Dred Scott!

Ag­gra­vat­ed nurse, com­plain­ing about slave mon­i­tor mal­func­tion: Can some­one come help me with this god­damn thing again?
Help­ful, tech-savvy male nurse: What’s the mat­ter?
Ag­gra­vat­ed nurse: My slave is black!

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Speech­less, blink­ing.…

Eh, What­ev­er, He’ll Be Dead be­fore He Can Com­plain

Nurse: The pa­tient in Room 39* re­quest­ed a vis­it from a Mor­mon priest.
Chap­lain: Re­al­ly? I’ll have to call one, give me a mo­ment. [Opens note­book] Ah, here we go. [Di­als phone, waits] Hi, this is Chap­lain Smith* at the hos­pi­tal. I’m call­ing about a pa­tient who would like a vis­it from a Mor­mon cler­gy-per­son. I haven’t vis­it­ed with the pa­tient, so I don’t know if he is a mem­ber of your con­gre­ga­tion, but he did specif­i­cal­ly re­quest a vis­it from a Mor­mon. Feel free to call me back at 555‑3418* when you get this mes­sage. Thanks. [Hangs up] Well, I left a mes­sage on their voice­mail. I won­der if the Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness­es check their mes­sages of­ten.
Nurse: Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness­es…?
Chap­lain: Oh, shit! I called the wrong church!

10 Med­ical Cen­ter Boule­vard
Win­ston-Salem, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: an­oth­er wit­ness

Vi­codin Is the Shiz­zle

Nurse: Thanks for tak­ing out the trash. I’ve been a nurse for so long I don’t have a sense of smell any­more. You could roll in road­kill and I would­n’t no­tice.

15001 Quivi­ra Road
Over­land Park, Kansas

Over­heard by: Nao­mi

No, That’s Ques­tion #15

Nurse, point­ing to birth con­trol ques­tion­naire: Ma’am, I think you an­swered this ques­tion in­cor­rect­ly.
15-year-old girl: No, that’s right.
Nurse: It asks how long you’ve been with your cur­rent part­ner. You said five min­utes.
15-year-old girl: That’s how long it took.

616 Court Street
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Vicky

When You Fall Over, There’s a Lot of Quack­ing and Peck­ing

Re­cep­tion­ist: I have great news!
Nurse: What?
Re­cep­tion­ist: I got ac­cept­ed in­to grad school! But I’m scared.
Nurse: Why?
Re­cep­tion­ist: I haven’t been in school in a long time.
Nurse: You’ll be fine — it’s like falling off a duck­’s back.

1917 20th Street South
Birm­ing­ham, Al­aba­ma

Over­heard by: Eaves­drop­ping grad stu­dent