Nurse #1: I love poop!
Nurse #2 to everyone: She's losing it!
Hospital
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lauren
Archive for the ‘Nurses’ Category
9AM Back to Work
Nurse: Is that a paper clip in your hair?
Receptionist: Yeah, I couldn’t find a bobby pin
Nurse: God, you’re such a secretary.
800 East 28th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: killerboots
Only the Ones With Hearing Aids
Two nursing assistants were feeding old men at the home.
Nursing assistant #1: Wow, you’re a really awesome chewer.
Nursing assistant #2: I bet you say that to all the guys.
694 Isaac Prugh Way
Kettering, Ohio
It’s Just a Little Excited, That’s All
Nurse #1: Well, then what in the hell is the difference between a threesome and a gangbang? Are there specific rules?
Nurse #2: I guess… I tried it with my boyfriend and my roommate once…
Sickly patient: Excuse me… Is my IV supposed to be leaking?
Emergency Room
St. Louis, Missouri
Remember When We Accidentally Took Out the Wrong Colon? Oh, We Laughed!
[In the ER.]Nurse #1: Oh my god.
Nurse #2: What?
Nurse #1, looking horrified: I just entered all of these notes on the wrong patient’s file.
Nurse #2: It’s okay. Just go back, delete, and re-enter them for the right patient.
Nurse #1, distressed at herself: But that’s awful! What would have happened?
Nurse #2, shrugging: ‘s’okay, happens all the time.
Hospital
Beckley, West Virginia
For Him, That's Still Pretty Good
Patient #1 to family member on Skype: Yeah, they're taking real good care of me. (to nurse) Say hi to my sister.
(nurse leans in to computer screen, waves hello)
Family member on Skype: Is he being a good patient?
Patient #2, on other side of curtain: He's cryin' like a little bitch!
Stony Brook Hospital
Long Island, New York
Clears That Cancer Right Up
Nurse: People just keep calling me and calling me about getting pain pills called in. They just need to be a little sauced up — then they’d be fine!
14100 Parkway Commons Drive
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Or, to Use the PC Term, a “Raving Nutjob”
Speech pathologist: You have the lady in room 10, right?
Behavior medicine nurse: Oh, yeah! She's crazy, ain't she?
Burlington, North Carolina
Whatever Home Health Nurses Get Paid, It's Not Enough
Home health nurse: Good morning, Mr Smith*. May I take your blood pressure?
Alzheimer's patient: Well, I don't know! What'll you give me for it?
Buena Park, California
Overheard by: his pastor
Dred Scott!
Aggravated nurse, complaining about slave monitor malfunction: Can someone come help me with this goddamn thing again?
Helpful, tech-savvy male nurse: What's the matter?
Aggravated nurse: My slave is black!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Speechless, blinking….