Archive for the ‘North Carolina’ Category

12PM Reserve Car

Coworker #1: Are these car rental coupons good in Hawaii?
Coworker #2: I dunno, it says it’s good in the United States.
Coworker #1: Is Hawaii part of the United States?
Coworker #2: Hey, is Hawaii part of the United States?
Coworker #3: …What? Are you serious?
Coworker #2: Yeah, you know, like is Canada part of the US?
Coworker #3: Canada is a completely different country.
Coworker #2: I asked you about Hawaii you fool!

120 Providence Road
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

It’s Amazing He Can Be Such a Good Lawyer, Despite Being Blind

Female staffer #1: You know what David* said to me? He said, “In case you know anyone who’s having a vasectomy, I have some advice for you to give them.” And then he told me about how they gave him a jock strap to wear after his surgery to keep everything in place, but that the one they gave him was too small. And I said, “David! I don’t want to hear any more!” But he kept talking about how uncomfortable it was to wear a jock strap that was too small for him after having his vasectomy. I was afraid he was going to start describing exactly how his balls were getting squeezed.
Female staffer #2: See, that’s a perfect example of how David is always so passive. If he weren’t so passive, he’d just say, “I want everyone to know I’m hung like a horse.”

10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Why ‘American Government Conspiracy’ Will Always Be an Oxymoron

Intern #1: I will do all of your House bills if you get up and dance right now!
Intern #2: No.
Co-Worker: Why would you pay all of his house bills if he dances? That’s like $100!
Intern #1: House, like House of Representatives!
Co-Worker: We have access to the legislature’s power bills?

Political Office
Raleigh, North Carolina

Overheard by: Jason B.

Apparently “Make Stuffing” Is an Arcane Insult in North Carolina

(scientist gets in a packed elevator)
Scientist: I can’t believe it’s this busy the day before Thanksgiving.
Secretary: Surprisingly.
Scientist: I said: “I can’t believe it’s this busy!” It’s the day before Thanksgiving!
Tech: It’s actually two days from Thanksgiving.
Scientist: I’m going to go home and make my turkey tonight. Have it ready for the family!
Suit: What a good idea. You should make the stuffing with it, save time.
(scientist smiles, gets off)
Tech: That wasn’t nice.
Suit: He farted while in an elevator, I don’t care.

Extremely Small Elevator
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina

I’m Sure They Felt a Vague Sense of Discomfort

Dude: I bought a tea today in the first time in months.
Chick: I’m proud of you…?
Dude: Well, I threw it away when I got back here.
Chick: What? Why?
Dude: There wasn’t any sugar in it.
Chick: Did you ask for sweet tea? Wait, we’re in the South — it should just be assumed you want sweet tea.
Dude: Yeah, I know, right? But it wasn’t.
Chick: You should have asked them if they just weren’t catering to their southern customers and made a scene. That would have been fun.
Dude: Well, I did yell at them. I was, like, four miles away at the time, but I was really cussing them out.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina