Archive for the ‘North Carolina’ Category

What Happens When You Think About Things that Don’t Bear Thinking About

IT guy: Oh, good I’m back to the top of your favorite people list.
Sales assistant: What? William* the hot A/C guy got bumped down?
IT guy: William’s gone; he’s off the list.
Sales guy: Isn’t William a gerbil?
Sales assistant: That’s my gerbil! We’re talking about the A/C guy now.
Sales guy: Ask Peter* about gerbil; he likes ’em.
IT guy: Ed breeds the gerbils.
Sales guy: I breed them just for you. Hairless, clawless gerbils.
Peter: Edsgerbils.com!
Sales guy: You don’t want one with claws..
Peter: Go to Edsgerbils.com to get your hairless gerbils.
Sales guy: Don’t forget clawless… you don’t want one with claws.
Office Manager: Stop with the gerbils.
Sales guy, to himself: No… don’t want one with claws….

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Time to Stop Having Dinner at Mel Gibson’s House

Jewish manager: I got your e-mail about XYZ Spring Company* not being able to make that spring.
Office girl: Yeah, those dirty– Ugh!
Jewish manager: It’s okay, it’s okay!
Office girl: They just keep quoting stuff, and when I give them an order they decide they can’t do it because they are little pieces–! Ugh! Never mind!
Jewish manager: Are you okay?
Office girl: Yeah… I’m just trying to be Christian today.
Jewish manager: … Good for you. [Walks away.]Office girl, from a distance: I need to say more things in my head. I think I’m fired now.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Dessert!

Office chick on phone: My mom is making me a huge meal tonight for my birthday… Bacon-wrapped filet mignon with blue cheese on top, Caesar salad, and roasted potatoes.
Neighboring cube guy: I just nutted a little on my keyboard.

4004 East Chapel Hill Parkway
Durham, North Carolina

I Didn't Have Any Real Apples, So I Used Ball Bearings

Sales guy: I made a pie once.
Assistant: Okay, I bite. What kind of pie did you make?
Sales guy: An apple one.
Assistant: Did it come out of a box?
Sales guy: No, I made it. All by myself. But it was really heavy. It must have been about ten pounds. I think I was stoned. This was back in like 1972… I just remember it was really heavy. I think it was about four inches thick.

Charlotte, North Carolina