Branch manager: What do you want me to do? Do you want me to fire him? I’ll fire anyone — I don’t care!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Archive for the ‘North Carolina’ Category
Or, As I Affectionately Call Him, “G Love”
Employee on phone: G as in ‘Jesus.’
8604 Cliff Cameron Drive
Charlotte, North Carolina
Another Victim Of a Misleading Midas Muffler Promotion
Cube dweller: Just like men can get breast cancer, women can get prostate cancer. My gynecologist screens all his patients for it.
North Carolina
Overheard by: Not too worried about it
Business Is All About Keeping the Customer Coming Back
Director to editor, about shot in short film: If I had done all the moves right, I would have just come on her back.
Wilmywood, North Carolina
Overheard by: Actor
Or Sticking It Up Your Nose
Sales guy: Oh, crap! I left the cap off my Sharpie last night! [Tries it on paper] Oh, no! What can I do?!
Cube rat #1: Well, you could try running a little water over the tip. Or, um, you could just throw it away and get a new one.
Sales guy: Put some water on it? Would that work?
Cube rat #2: Is it a Sharpie or a marker?
Cube rat #3: If putting water on it doesn’t work, try licking it.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
…Now That the Legislature’s Passed a Law Making You Wear a Dunce Cap?
New girl, during one of her constant personal calls: Don’t you find it insulting to be a Democrat?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Karen
Why the Company Lacks Diversity: Explained
Boss: The black one is almost 88% bigger, but the yellow one is more efficient.
Coworker: Let’s just stick with the white ones, it’s simple and we know how they work.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Paper Invented People to Carry It from Place to Place
Assistant: I became a secretary because I relate well to paper.
Goldsboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Wow
Dan’s Discount Dungeon
Female staffer #1: Yeah, we need to get us a gas-powered hedge trimmer.
Male staffer: Yeah, we have an electric, but it’s battery-operated. And the battery only lasts about ten minutes, so it’s like Extreme Speed Trimming. We have to get to that bush fast before the battery runs out.
Female staffer #2: Are y’all talking about vibrators?
Male staffer: Uh, well, sort of, except this one has teeth that chop long skinny things in half.
Female staffer #2: Oooh, kinky! Where’d you get it?
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
The Customer Is Always Right
Customer: I don’t know if I should get the two years subscription, I might not live that long.
Employee: How old are you?
Customer: 68.
Employee: Well, Tom*, that’s a crapshoot.
Harrisburg, North Carolina
