Archive for the ‘New York’ Category

Technically, She's Also My Aunt.

Judge: You've been charged with violation of section […] of the city code: having an open bottle of alcohol in public. How old are you?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Eighteen.
Judge: Does anyone else live in your household with you?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Yeah, my girlfriend and our two kids.
Judge: How old is your girlfriend?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Thirty-eight.
Judge: Thirty-eight? How long have you two been living together?
Dirty, shirtless white man: About seven years.
Judge: You're 18 and you and this woman have been living together for seven years??
Dirty, shirtless white man: Yeah.
Judge: Can you post $100 bail?
Dirty, shirtless white man: I have no money, judge.
Judge: Uh, well, then just come back on November 26, okay?
(man leaves)
Judge, to law clerk: He's got enough problems.

City Court
Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

Then It's a Great Analogy

Financial analyst: This might be a bad analogy, but it's like this: if there's a guy up on the roof of a house and he's throwing babies off, and you just barely catch the first couple of babies, it might mean that's not a very good strategy and what you really need to do is get someone to go up on the roof and get the guy down.
Coworker: You ever notice how whenever you start a sentence that way, a hush falls over the area?

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: MPW

3PM Bake Sale

Teacher #1: What are they raising all this money for?
Teacher #2: For this lady in the cleaning crew. Apparently, her purse was stolen and she lost nine hundred bucks that she was planning to send home to her family in Mexico.
Teacher #1: Where’s my nine hundred bucks? Since I started working here, I lost everything.

444 Pleasantville Road
Briarcliff Manor, New York

3PM Smoke Break

Lawyer on cell: Why do you call me when you’re trying to name your cats, but you don’t call me when you’re served with a subpoena?

509 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

Why Workplaces Should Have Principals’ Offices

Short woman whispering to self, as tall man holds door for her: Shit. Unbelievable. [Tall man stares at her.]Tall man, to another woman: You know, she did this to me once before. I had to ride the elevator with her muttering to herself about me until another elevator opened across the hall and she ran away into it. [Continues staring at short woman until elevator stops.]Short woman, yelling as exits the elevator: Maybe it’s because you smell!
Other woman: Well, aren’t you a charming thing. [Doors shut.]

330 7th Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Dirty Librarian