Archive for the ‘Nevada’ Category

10AM Vis­it Con­struc­tion Site

Re­cep­tion­ist: What’s that?
Work­er: It’s the Phoenix Project lo­go.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Why’s there a bird on it?
Man­ag­er #1: You have got to be kid­ding?
Re­cep­tion­ist: What?
Man­ag­er #2: Bird, Phoenix? Hel­lo?
Re­cep­tion­ist: I don’t get it.
Clerk: Okay, the bird…it’s a phoenix.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Phoenix is a city.
Clerk: …Phoenix is, al­so, a mytho­log­i­cal bird.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Named af­ter the city?

10 Miles South of Bat­tle Moun­tain
Bat­tle Moun­tain, Neva­da

Have You Con­sid­ered Not Sleep­ing?

Teacher: Ex­plain that to me again.
Par­ent: I just don’t gets it. I’s lay with a man, and he gets me preg­nant.
Teacher: Are you se­ri­ous?
Par­ent: Look, bitch, I gots me sev­en kids, and I don’t know where they be comin’ from. You gots to help me. I goes to sleep, and then I’s wake up preg­nant.
Teacher: Look, I’m re­fer­ring you to the coun­selor. This is out of my hands.
Par­ent: Bitch, that ain’t gonna help!
Teacher: Look, I don’t have a di­rect line with Je­sus to help you out, so the coun­selor is the next best thing. Got that, bitch?

School
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

2PM Fa­cil­i­ties Is­sues

HR as­sis­tant: So, Paul*, when are you gonna take a look at my thing? I’m burst­ing at the seams, right?
Paul the safe­ty di­rec­tor: [laugh­ing] I can’t look now — and will nev­er look at your thing.
HR as­sis­tant: But, dang it! I need some space! Look at how my file cab­i­nets are over­flow­ing!!
Paul: HR is­n’t the on­ly de­part­ment that needs fil­ing space!
HR as­sis­tant: [sighs] I just need some­one to look and to care!

4730 South Fort Apache
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

Over­heard by: Cor­po­rate Para­le­gal

4PM Fi­nal­ize Con­tracts with New Ac­count

Ven­dor: Hey, can you do me a huge fa­vor?
Boss: Sure, what do you need?
Ven­dor: I am try­ing to land this ac­count, and the guy won’t sign with me un­less you sleep with him.
Boss: I am not go­ing to sleep with him! Wait a sec­ond, is he cute? Does he have lots of mon­ey?
Ven­dor: No.
Boss: Well, okay but just this once.

3663 S. Las Ve­gas Boule­vard
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

Over­heard by: Rick