Archive for the ‘Medical’ Category

Travel Agent: You Would Not Believe What I Am Soaking This Chick For

Fat nurse: I’m real excited! I’m going to the Mexican Riviera next month.
Lanky nurse: Uh, isn’t it called the French Riviera?
Fat nurse: No, I think it’s Mexican, but you could be right — that sounds familiar.
Lanky nurse: I’ve always wanted to see the French Riviera.
Fat nurse: Yeah, me too. I can’t wait.

1st Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: dr mike

Any Excuse to Tell That Story

Nurse: She’s been so much better today. Chatty. She still walks around like this [puts chin to chest], but she came up to me and was like, “How are you today?” I said, “Huh? Oh, I’m fine!” Maybe it’s the Celexa.
Psychiatrist: Actually we’re weaning her off the Celexa. We started her on Effexor.
Nurse: Oh, well, maybe that’s it.
Psychiatrist: She’s only been on it one day. That wouldn’t really be long enough.
Nurse: No, that’s not… Celexa… I think I was taking that when I got into a fight at the airport. You know those guys with the M‑16s? Well, I told this one bitch I was gonna jump over the counter and take her out.
Girl: That was Celexa?
Nurse, smiling: Yeah.

Oregon State Hospital
Salem, Oregon

2PM Follow Up with HR

Secretary: I could swear that I read that if you have a death in the family you automatically get two days off.
Nurse: Well, I looked it up in the protocol. You can have days off, but they’re just regular PTO.
Secretary: Right, I know they’re PTO, but I swear I read that they’re automatic if you have a death in the family.
Nurse: No, it’s like any other PTO, you have to have them approved by your supervisor.
Secretary: I swear I read that you get those days off for a family death.
Nurse: Well, I’m sure every supervisor would be happy to quickly approve your PTO if someone dies.
Secretary: Yeah, but I swear I read somewhere that you get two days automatically for that.
Nurse: Please, tell me one more time about how you read that somewhere.

Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Eh, Whatever, He’ll Be Dead before He Can Complain

Nurse: The patient in Room 39* requested a visit from a Mormon priest.
Chaplain: Really? I’ll have to call one, give me a moment. [Opens notebook] Ah, here we go. [Dials phone, waits] Hi, this is Chaplain Smith* at the hospital. I’m calling about a patient who would like a visit from a Mormon clergy-person. I haven’t visited with the patient, so I don’t know if he is a member of your congregation, but he did specifically request a visit from a Mormon. Feel free to call me back at 555‑3418* when you get this message. Thanks. [Hangs up] Well, I left a message on their voicemail. I wonder if the Jehovah’s Witnesses check their messages often.
Nurse: Jehovah’s Witnesses…?
Chaplain: Oh, shit! I called the wrong church!

10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Overheard by: another witness

But That Doughnut Looked So Good!

Nurse walks out to designated smoking area as her pager goes off.

Nurse, shaking her head in disgust: ‘Emergency!’ Of course. Why these people gotta be goin’ into diabetic shock when I wanna go outside? [Sits down to smoke cigarette.] 

1031 SW Fleming Court
Topeka, Kansas

Overheard by: Jonna