Anesthesiologist to orderly at computer: What’s my schedule look like?
Orderly to anesthesiologist: At 3 o’clock you get to knock that woman out.
Hospital
New York City, New York
Archive for the ‘Medical’ Category
Eh, Whatever, He’ll Be Dead before He Can Complain
Nurse: The patient in Room 39* requested a visit from a Mormon priest.
Chaplain: Really? I’ll have to call one, give me a moment. [Opens notebook] Ah, here we go. [Dials phone, waits] Hi, this is Chaplain Smith* at the hospital. I’m calling about a patient who would like a visit from a Mormon clergy-person. I haven’t visited with the patient, so I don’t know if he is a member of your congregation, but he did specifically request a visit from a Mormon. Feel free to call me back at 555‑3418* when you get this message. Thanks. [Hangs up] Well, I left a message on their voicemail. I wonder if the Jehovah’s Witnesses check their messages often.
Nurse: Jehovah’s Witnesses…?
Chaplain: Oh, shit! I called the wrong church!
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: another witness
But That Doughnut Looked So Good!
Nurse walks out to designated smoking area as her pager goes off.
Nurse, shaking her head in disgust: ‘Emergency!’ Of course. Why these people gotta be goin’ into diabetic shock when I wanna go outside? [Sits down to smoke cigarette.]
1031 SW Fleming Court
Topeka, Kansas
Overheard by: Jonna
Send in Jack Bauer!
Dad: Honey, where’s your teddy bear?
3‑year-old girl: Oh, the terrorist are hiding him.
Overlake Hospital
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Nurse says what
Lack of Motor Skills Is My Anti-Drug
Pediatrician to screaming addicted newborn: Oh, you poor thing, are you jonesin’ for some crack?
NICU
Jacksonville, Florida
But I Play One on TV
M.D. #1: Hey, look! They named their kid Babygirl!
M.D. #2: No way, that’s hilarious!
Janitor: Actually, it just means they haven’t named their child yet and that it’s a baby girl.
M.D. #1: Are you a doctor?
M.D. #2: I bet he’s not even a doctor.
Janitor: [walks away]
GroupHealth Cooperative
Lacey, Washington
Overheard by: lauren
This Is an Ex-Patient!
Receptionist: So we’re going to need to reschedule his appointment, then?
Nurse: No, Mary*, this patient has passed away.
Receptionist: Okay, so then I’ll call him in the morning?
Nurse: You don’t understand. He’s dead.
Receptionist: Well, Dr. Smith* has a slot open for Monday…
Nurse: He’s dead.
Providence Hospital, 5th Street and Colby Avenue
Everett, Washington
A Friend Would Lie to Me
Receptionist: I feel like I look like I just rolled out of bed and came into work.
Dental assistant: Well…did you?
Receptionist: Well, yeah…but still!
Centennial, Colorado
Her Poop?
Nurse #1: I love poop!
Nurse #2 to everyone: She’s losing it!
Hospital
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lauren
NewsFlash: UPenn School of Social Work Adopts Controversial ‘Shut Up’ Method, Following Brooklyn’s Lead
Social worker to passing ambulances and police cars: Shut up! God.
260 South Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: lora
