Archive for the ‘Medical’ Category

Any Ex­cuse to Tell That Sto­ry

Nurse: She’s been so much bet­ter to­day. Chat­ty. She still walks around like this [puts chin to chest], but she came up to me and was like, “How are you to­day?” I said, “Huh? Oh, I’m fine!” Maybe it’s the Celexa.
Psy­chi­a­trist: Ac­tu­al­ly we’re wean­ing her off the Celexa. We start­ed her on Ef­fex­or.
Nurse: Oh, well, maybe that’s it.
Psy­chi­a­trist: She’s on­ly been on it one day. That would­n’t re­al­ly be long enough.
Nurse: No, that’s not… Celexa… I think I was tak­ing that when I got in­to a fight at the air­port. You know those guys with the M‑16s? Well, I told this one bitch I was gonna jump over the counter and take her out.
Girl: That was Celexa?
Nurse, smil­ing: Yeah.

Ore­gon State Hos­pi­tal
Salem, Ore­gon

2PM Fol­low Up with HR

Sec­re­tary: I could swear that I read that if you have a death in the fam­i­ly you au­to­mat­i­cal­ly get two days off.
Nurse: Well, I looked it up in the pro­to­col. You can have days off, but they’re just reg­u­lar PTO.
Sec­re­tary: Right, I know they’re PTO, but I swear I read that they’re au­to­mat­ic if you have a death in the fam­i­ly.
Nurse: No, it’s like any oth­er PTO, you have to have them ap­proved by your su­per­vi­sor.
Sec­re­tary: I swear I read that you get those days off for a fam­i­ly death.
Nurse: Well, I’m sure every su­per­vi­sor would be hap­py to quick­ly ap­prove your PTO if some­one dies.
Sec­re­tary: Yeah, but I swear I read some­where that you get two days au­to­mat­i­cal­ly for that.
Nurse: Please, tell me one more time about how you read that some­where.

Med­ical Cen­ter Boule­vard
Win­ston-Salem, North Car­oli­na

Eh, What­ev­er, He’ll Be Dead be­fore He Can Com­plain

Nurse: The pa­tient in Room 39* re­quest­ed a vis­it from a Mor­mon priest.
Chap­lain: Re­al­ly? I’ll have to call one, give me a mo­ment. [Opens note­book] Ah, here we go. [Di­als phone, waits] Hi, this is Chap­lain Smith* at the hos­pi­tal. I’m call­ing about a pa­tient who would like a vis­it from a Mor­mon cler­gy-per­son. I haven’t vis­it­ed with the pa­tient, so I don’t know if he is a mem­ber of your con­gre­ga­tion, but he did specif­i­cal­ly re­quest a vis­it from a Mor­mon. Feel free to call me back at 555‑3418* when you get this mes­sage. Thanks. [Hangs up] Well, I left a mes­sage on their voice­mail. I won­der if the Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness­es check their mes­sages of­ten.
Nurse: Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness­es…?
Chap­lain: Oh, shit! I called the wrong church!

10 Med­ical Cen­ter Boule­vard
Win­ston-Salem, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: an­oth­er wit­ness

But That Dough­nut Looked So Good!

Nurse walks out to des­ig­nat­ed smok­ing area as her pager goes off.

Nurse, shak­ing her head in dis­gust: ‘Emer­gency!’ Of course. Why these peo­ple got­ta be goin’ in­to di­a­bet­ic shock when I wan­na go out­side? [Sits down to smoke cig­a­rette.]

1031 SW Flem­ing Court
Tope­ka, Kansas

Over­heard by: Jon­na

But I Play One on TV

M.D. #1: Hey, look! They named their kid Baby­girl!
M.D. #2: No way, that’s hi­lar­i­ous!
Jan­i­tor: Ac­tu­al­ly, it just means they haven’t named their child yet and that it’s a ba­by girl.
M.D. #1: Are you a doc­tor?
M.D. #2: I bet he’s not even a doc­tor.
Jan­i­tor: [walks away]

GroupHealth Co­op­er­a­tive
Lacey, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: lau­ren

This Is an Ex-Pa­tient!

Re­cep­tion­ist: So we’re go­ing to need to resched­ule his ap­point­ment, then?
Nurse: No, Mary*, this pa­tient has passed away.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Okay, so then I’ll call him in the morn­ing?
Nurse: You don’t un­der­stand. He’s dead.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Well, Dr. Smith* has a slot open for Mon­day…
Nurse: He’s dead.

Prov­i­dence Hos­pi­tal, 5th Street and Col­by Av­enue
Everett, Wash­ing­ton