Boss on phone, trying to dig himself out of a hole: I’ve been straight and honest and very clear and precise in what I say. I am very careful and think about what I say before I let it come out of my mouth, except this one time, but it went over everybody’s head, so I don’t think they noticed.
University
Maine
Very sketchy neighbor to two-year-old: Who gives a fuck about Dora?!
Hospital
Maine
Overheard by: Irritated
CSR on phone: Let me spell that for you, that name is McKeon: “m” as in “m”, “c” as in “c”, “k” as in “k”, “e” as in “e”, “o” as in “o”, “n” as in “n”.
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
Project Manager: I hate these cubicles. Oh wait, they are not cubicles anymore. What are we supposed to call them? Coffices?
Field Manager: I like veal pens or officles.
85 E Street
South Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
Field Services Manager: I can’t believe he brought up all those issues in front of [the client]. He made us look even more inept than we already sounded!
85 E Street
South Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Brian Brinegar
PhD-level analyst: Oh, the copier is printing the whole five hundred pages of that report! I only want the first page! Stop, stop, stop! Why wont it stop?!
Temp: You have to actually press a button. It doesn’t work on voice command…
75 Washington Avenue
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
Mom: So, my son had a party while I was away, but at least he cleaned up the blood before I got home.
Friend: Wait… what?
Career Center
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: Unemployed and unemployable
Girl to friend: You don’t have to use something as depressing as a rape crisis. You know, you can do like… battered women, girl power!
Portland, Maine
Boss: No, kangaroo rats are not rodents! They’re just mini kangaroos!
Maine
Overheard by: amused employee
Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma’am. That’s not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it’s safe?
Associate: Yes ma’am. That meat wasn’t part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won’t die?
Associate: Ma’am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.
Yarmouth, Maine
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
