Archive for the ‘Legal’ Category

Be­yond a Rea­son­able Doubt

At­tor­ney: Oh, god, not her. She is an in­suf­fer­able hag. Tell her I’m not in the of­fice.
Temp on phone: I’m sor­ry, ma’am, he’s out of the of­fice… Well, I apol­o­gize, but he’s not here right now… Yes, I’m aware that ly­ing to an­oth­er at­tor­ney is un­eth­i­cal… Ma’am, you did not hear his voice in the back­ground… No, I’m telling you, he’s not here… Well, how do you know that was his voice? Could­n’t it have been an in­tern or an­oth­er at­tor­ney? … Well if it sound­ed like him, who’s to say his son is­n’t vis­it­ing to­day and that’s whose voice you heard? Yes, I’ll give him the mes­sage. Thank you.
At­tor­ney: So… Have you con­sid­ered law school?

Long Is­land law firm
Long Is­land, New York

2PM Fa­cil­i­ties Is­sues

HR as­sis­tant: So, Paul*, when are you gonna take a look at my thing? I’m burst­ing at the seams, right?
Paul the safe­ty di­rec­tor: [laugh­ing] I can’t look now — and will nev­er look at your thing.
HR as­sis­tant: But, dang it! I need some space! Look at how my file cab­i­nets are over­flow­ing!!
Paul: HR is­n’t the on­ly de­part­ment that needs fil­ing space!
HR as­sis­tant: [sighs] I just need some­one to look and to care!

4730 South Fort Apache
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

Over­heard by: Cor­po­rate Para­le­gal

He Aced the Mixed Drinks Por­tion of the Bar Ex­am

De­fense at­tor­ney: Ob­jec­tion, Your Hon­or. The pros­e­cu­tion con­tin­ues to as­sert this wit­ness is an ex­pert but has of­fered no ev­i­dence to sup­port the claim.
Judge: Sus­tained. Mr. Mar­tin*, is this wit­ness your ex­pert?
Pros­e­cu­tor: Yes, Your Hon­or.
Judge: Would you care to es­tab­lish for the court why the wit­ness is an ex­pert in the field of pe­di­atrics?
Pros­e­cu­tor: Cause he…ummm…knows stuff?

State Court
Austin, Texas

Over­heard by: Xen