Those “Die. Die. Die.” E-mails Gave Us Some Clue.

Cube rat #1: Hey, come look at this! The way Firefox cuts off the wording on my tab spells out “web anal”!
Cube rat #2: What? What are you talking about?
Cube rat #1: Seriously. Instead of “web analytics,” it just says “web anal.” that cracks me up!
Cube rat #3: Hey, I'm actually with him on this one. I'm looking up a recipe right now to make my girlfriend for dinner, and coincidentally my tab says “basil bals” for “basil balsamic vinaigrette.” You gotta admit it's funny.
Cube rat #2: You two have no idea how much I hate you guys.

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Specifically the Ones Who Are Plastic Surgeons

Copywriter (after watching a 1980s video on YouTube): YouTube is my fountain of youth.
Graphic designer: Young boys are mine.

Sex Toy Factory
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Looks like Diva

Um, That Was a Typewriter.

Business owner: Thanks for e-mailing me that report so I could work on it at home… But I don't think I'll be doing that any more.
Receptionist: Why not?
Business owner: Well, my computer here is set so that when you go back and make changes, it just moves things along. My computer at home just erases what is already there and replaces it. So, every time I found a typo or made a change, I had to re-type the whole rest of the report.
Receptionist: You… You are kidding?
Business owner: Yeah, I bet I typed that thing eight times after I found all the typos and stuff.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Kids! How Many Things Can You Find Wrong with This Quote!

Intern #1: Sorry, I can't go out tonight. I have to get a tattoo.
Intern #2: Oh, what are you getting?
Intern #1: This proverb: “time wasted can never be reclaimed.”
Intern #2: That's deep.
Intern #1: Yeah, it was between that and a lollipop on my hand. But I did a Twitter poll and they voted on the proverb.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Hanly

Do We Even Sell That?

Peon: Barry*, did you put a folder on my computer called ‘Horse porn’?
Barry: No.

Beaverton, Oregon

If You Can't Handle Humiliation, Don't Drink With the Kids

Guy in cubicle: Those kids put me on cyberspace. I was at this party doing shots with the kids until three in the morning. They took my picture and put it up on the internet. Now there's some Japanese people laughing at me. Why the hell would I join a social networking site? I don't need that. I hate people.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Polish That Résumé, Sweetie

Female employee: I'm not really doing anything except drinking caffeine in my office and looking at unicorn websites. I found a unicorn name generator…

Denver, Colorado

Perhaps Some Silver Bullets or a Stake

Distressed older coworker: I don't get it. I unplugged my computer last night and I'm still getting e-mails. I don't know what I have to do to stop them.

Pensacola, Florida

How Much Do You Want to Be It's About Cats Doing Something Amusing?

60-something female coworker to another: Mary, you have to read this e-mail. It's hilarious. I'll print it out and bring it over to you.

Jacksonville, Florida

Once You Try a Giant Mutated Rat Sensei, You Never Go Back

Lady peon #1: Have you been following this e-mail chain? Derek* wrote that he was going to send his ninja friends after her, and Karen* wrote back, ‘Which ones? Leonardo or Donatello?’ Then Derek replied, ‘Splinter.’
Lady peon #2: I love Splinter!
Lady peon #1: Yeah, me too. That’s what I was going to write back to them.

555 West Monroe Street
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard In The Office

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