You Seem to Be Missing My Point Deliberately

Senior editor: I know! I could sue the company. I injured my toenail at a company event. What do you think loss of a toenail is worth?
Writer: I don't know. See what they're selling for on eBay.

Renton, Washington

Translation: I'm Too Important to Google

Boss: How do you spell “sopping”?
Assistant: I don't know, just google it.
Boss: Haven't you realized yet that you're my google?

Salem, Oregon

Overheard by: Jax

I Was TRYING to Look at Kiddie Porn

Engineer, to the HR director: Just in case you get a phone call about it later, I wasn’t trying to look at gay porn on my computer.

Farmers Branch, Texas

Sigh. Story Of My Life.

Office drone, surfing the net: I can't find an image of a woman in a prison jumpsuit that would fit in a shopping cart…

Manhattan, New York

In Addition to the One Labeled “Important Fire Safety Instructions”

Manager: What time is my meeting with you?
Employee: I don't know. I got your e-mail, but didn't know you were talking about, so I deleted it.

Broadway & Walker
New York City

Overheard by: office peon hates meetings

Did You Know the FBI Invented Cheese to Protect Us from Aliens?

Office assistant #1: So the boss has been in meetings all day–you must be having a good day?
Office assistant #2: Oh yes! I've been reading conspiracy theories on the internet for the last four hours. I've really learned a lot.

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

Those “Die. Die. Die.” E-mails Gave Us Some Clue.

Cube rat #1: Hey, come look at this! The way Firefox cuts off the wording on my tab spells out “web anal”!
Cube rat #2: What? What are you talking about?
Cube rat #1: Seriously. Instead of “web analytics,” it just says “web anal.” that cracks me up!
Cube rat #3: Hey, I'm actually with him on this one. I'm looking up a recipe right now to make my girlfriend for dinner, and coincidentally my tab says “basil bals” for “basil balsamic vinaigrette.” You gotta admit it's funny.
Cube rat #2: You two have no idea how much I hate you guys.

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Specifically the Ones Who Are Plastic Surgeons

Copywriter (after watching a 1980s video on YouTube): YouTube is my fountain of youth.
Graphic designer: Young boys are mine.

Sex Toy Factory
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Looks like Diva

Um, That Was a Typewriter.

Business owner: Thanks for e-mailing me that report so I could work on it at home… But I don't think I'll be doing that any more.
Receptionist: Why not?
Business owner: Well, my computer here is set so that when you go back and make changes, it just moves things along. My computer at home just erases what is already there and replaces it. So, every time I found a typo or made a change, I had to re-type the whole rest of the report.
Receptionist: You… You are kidding?
Business owner: Yeah, I bet I typed that thing eight times after I found all the typos and stuff.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Kids! How Many Things Can You Find Wrong with This Quote!

Intern #1: Sorry, I can't go out tonight. I have to get a tattoo.
Intern #2: Oh, what are you getting?
Intern #1: This proverb: “time wasted can never be reclaimed.”
Intern #2: That's deep.
Intern #1: Yeah, it was between that and a lollipop on my hand. But I did a Twitter poll and they voted on the proverb.