How Far in Advance Do You Think I Need to Book My Tickets?

Intern: So, why aren’t people making a big deal about the Mars Lander?
Busy office worker: I don’t know.
Intern: Do you know many people who are on board?

Indiana

Creativity? I’m an Engineer

Male coworker: I would take Beyoncé’s face, Beyoncé’s legs, Beyoncé’s arms, Beyoncé’s body, and Beyoncé’s ass and put them all together to make my dream woman… And I’d name her Beyoncé.

4510 Maplecrest Road
Fort Wayne, Indiana

Overheard by: Bk-Bitch

With My Teatometer

Engineer #1: Hey, where is your bush gauge?
Engineer #2: I keep it on the top shelf.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: At the keybored

Could and Have

New chef: I gotta take a dump.
Waiter: There’s no toilet seat in the employee bathroom.
New chef: Dude, I just got out of jail after five years. I could shit in a pickle bucket in the middle of our dining room and it wouldn’t bother me.

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

It’ll Take More Than That to Get in the Club

Manager: Yeah, my uncle owns a car lot — he’s a Jew.
Worker: Oh, your uncle is Jewish?
Manager: No, he just rips people off.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: She did not just say that!

You’re the Only One Who’s Ever Noticed

Office peon: You smell like a giant fruit fly!

Fishers, Indiana

And Jessica Simpson

Editor #1: Every time I see a picture of a Krispy Kreme doughnut, I drool a little. Even though I don’t really want one.
Editor #2: I’m that way with cocaine.

Indianapolis, Indiana

They Could Call Me Peter Dust-Pan

Receptionist: You know He-Man and how when he lifts his sword he gets a sudden jolt of steroids?
Stylist: Yeah.
Receptionist: Well, wouldn’t it be awesome if I could lift the broom and become a broom god?!
Stylist: Um, no.

Barber shop
Noblesville, Indiana

Dude, You Have Got to Go Bury That Somewhere Before the Cops Come By Again!

Supervisor #1: I smell mothballs.
Supervisor #2: Probably just my old body.

1143 West 116^th Street
Carmel, Indiana

Overheard by: Samantha

…So How Will We Stay Abreast Of Ongoing Developments?

New employee: Did you say to never schedule a meeting in the cafeteria or the nursing mothers station?
Experienced employee: Never in the nursing mothers station!
New employee: But the cafeteria doesn’t have a phone…

Greenfield, Indiana