Archive for the ‘Hiring & Firing’ Category

And Re­quest to Be Buried with the Pa­per

Ad­min, look­ing up from news­pa­per and greet­ing guest: Hel­lo, Mr Blue. Please have a seat, di­rec­tor Green will be right with you.
Mr Blue: You know, if you were my em­ploy­ee and you were read­ing the pa­per at your desk, I would fire you.
Ad­min: If I were your em­ploy­ee, I would kill my­self.

In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Civ­il Ser­vant

Just Left a Job in Urophil­ia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Job ap­pli­cant #1: No job is worth hav­ing to give some­one my pee in a plas­tic cup!
Job ap­pli­cant #2: Uh-oh, you’re re­fus­ing the drug test?
Job ap­pli­cant #1: Oh, it’s just a drug test? I thought that man­ag­er guy was just some sort of pee-pee per­vert.

5760 High­way 80
Pearl, Mis­sis­sip­pi

Over­heard by: Brain Danc­ing

‘Fuck You’ Was More of a Re­quest Than an Ex­ple­tive

Man­ag­er: Can you gath­er up the oth­er guys? We have to move a bunch of stuff.
Em­ploy­ee: Fuck you.
Man­ag­er: What did you just say to me?
Em­ploy­ee: Fuck you, ass­hole.
Man­ag­er: Are you nuts?
Em­ploy­ee: Fuck you, bitch.
Man­ag­er: You’re fired. Get out of here.
Em­ploy­ee: I was­n’t clocked in. You can’t fire me.
Man­ag­er walks to com­put­er, clocks him in, says, ‘You’re fired,’ and then clocks him out.
Em­ploy­ee: That’s so un­fair.

Cir­cle Cen­tre Mall

Over­heard by: Shat­man­du

I Work Here?

Lau­ren*: So I went on this di­et and I was eat­ing cream of mush­room soup. And I thought, “wow, this is aw­ful­ly thick. It’s like pud­ding!” Then I re­al­ized you’re sup­posed to put wa­ter in it.
Boss: Je­sus Christ, Lau­ren*!
Lau­ren*: I know, right?
Boss: Why did we hire you again?

Fontana, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Aeirlys

Pope Bene­dict: True Dat

Catholic sem­i­nary li­brary em­ploy­ee: Are you go­ing to in­ter­view Jane’s friend for the po­si­tion?
Catholic sem­i­nary li­brary su­per­vi­sor: No, I de­cid­ed she was­n’t qual­i­fied enough.
Catholic sem­i­nary li­brary em­ploy­ee: That’s a re­lief.
Catholic sem­i­nary li­brary su­per­vi­sor, sur­prised: Why do you say that? Don’t you like her?
Catholic sem­i­nary li­brary em­ploy­ee: It’s just that… Have you ever over­heard any of their phone con­ver­sa­tions?
Catholic sem­i­nary li­brary su­per­vi­sor: No.
Catholic sem­i­nary li­brary em­ploy­ee: It’s like they’re in a com­pe­ti­tion over who has the most in­tense vi­sions of the blessed Vir­gin Mary. We al­ready get enough of that shit.

Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: bless me for I have sinned