HR woman on phone with rep at staffing agency: I will drive over there and I will smack you; and then I will fire you in front of your peers.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Anony Mouse
Archive for the ‘Hiring & Firing’ Category
And Just Like That, Alan’s Frame of Reference Exploded
Interviewer: So, I see from your resume that you spent two years in Africa with the Peace Corps.
Interviewee: Yes.
Interviewer: Did you work with any minorities there?
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I was the minority
Where Lwhoreyers Come From: Explained
Female coworker #1: I've worked here six years and don't really know you that well yet.
Female coworker #2: Ya know, I was the first one hired from off the street…
Cubicle dweller, mumbling under breath: That explains a lot!
Law Office
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Blonde at Heart
He’s Fated to Become the Regional Manager
Employee: Fuck you very much for calling Blockbuster; how may I abuse you?…Oh, hi, Bill* [regional manager]…Yeah, today’s my last day.
Blockbuster
Del Mar, California
Overheard by: Petyr
2PM All Hands Meeting at Downtown Branch
HR: Okay [Jen], here is your six month review. You are doing excellent work, we couldn’t be happier, you adapt especially well to change and keep this office running like a tight ship. We have put you in for a substantial raise.
VP: We have come to the decision that we will be closing this office. Everyone’s last day of work will be December 31st–
HR: –and here are your severance packages.
238 Bedford Street
Lexington, Massachusetts
And I’ll Say, ‘Harder, Slave’
Employee: It seems like there are a lot of new people working here.
Boss: Yes, sometimes I’ll be leaving the building and will say to someone, “I don’t know you,” and they will say, “I work for you.”
Elevator, 215 Michigan
Chicago, Illinois
And Request to Be Buried with the Paper
Admin, looking up from newspaper and greeting guest: Hello, Mr Blue. Please have a seat, director Green will be right with you.
Mr Blue: You know, if you were my employee and you were reading the paper at your desk, I would fire you.
Admin: If I were your employee, I would kill myself.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Civil Servant
She'll Make an Excellent Party Planner!
Coworker to boss: I think I found someone. She is the president of the mortuary science club, she has a ton of experience.
Boss: Perfect.
Manhattan, New York
4PM Look Busy!
Underling #1: Man, this sucks, you can always tell when someone’s about to get let go.
Underling #2: Yeah?
Underling #1: Well yeah. [The boss] is still here.
Underling #2: How does that–
Underling #1: It’s 3:30pm!…Hello? It’s Friday!
5790 Fleet Street
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: Milton Waddams
Just Left a Job in Urophilia, Pennsylvania
Job applicant #1: No job is worth having to give someone my pee in a plastic cup!
Job applicant #2: Uh-oh, you’re refusing the drug test?
Job applicant #1: Oh, it’s just a drug test? I thought that manager guy was just some sort of pee-pee pervert.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing