Branch manager: What do you want me to do? Do you want me to fire him? I’ll fire anyone — I don’t care!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Archive for the ‘Hiring & Firing’ Category
2PM Review Candidates
Boss #1: We can use [Derek] as our field supervisor; he knows how to do the work.
Boss #2: Is he still a drunk?
Boss #1: Yeah. His wife left him.
Boss #2: He has always been a drinker.
Boss #1: So we’ll put him in charge of everything and he can run the crews. We’ll pay his expenses and give him the company truck.
Boss #2: Okay. Sounds good to me. Maybe stuff will start getting done now.
8221 NW Expressway Street
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
He Seems to Have a Long, Impressive Record
Employee #1: There’s a drunk guy outside who wants to know if we’re hiring any laborers.
Employee #2: Does he have a valid driver’s license?
1201 Yorkship Square
Camden, New Jersey
No, Just for Endemic Racism
Interviewing manager looking at resume: This is what? Your middle name? What language is this?
Interviewee: It’s Hawaiian. I’m part Hawaiian.
Interviewer: Oh… So, did you have to wait for the white man to get there before you had a language?
San Diego, California
2PM Make Offer
Suit #1: Well, you’ve heard more than I have. I can think of three candidates, then.
Suit #2: And one very close to you.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: There’s Bill.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: And Mark.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: And that good-looking guy from Connecticut, the one with the hair.
Suit #1: Right.
Suit #2: Hmm.
140 Broadway
New York, NY
5PM That’s a Wrap
Director #1: Hey, why are you packing up? Is your office moving tomorrow?
Director #2: Uh, no. I just got fired.
Director #1: Oh, wow. There’s really just not a way for this not to be awkward is there?
7201 Metro Boulevard
Minneapolis, Minnesota
4PM Look Busy!
Underling #1: Man, this sucks, you can always tell when someone’s about to get let go.
Underling #2: Yeah?
Underling #1: Well yeah. [The boss] is still here.
Underling #2: How does that–
Underling #1: It’s 3:30pm!…Hello? It’s Friday!
5790 Fleet Street
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: Milton Waddams
2PM Print Termination Letter
Boss: You know what my problem is? I’m too nice a guy. I fired [Lenore] this morning. I should’ve kept her on till the end of the day, but then I would’ve felt like I was using her. I’m an idiot.
Salesperson: That’s two problems.
40 Shuman Boulevard
Naperville, Illinois
Firing People’s Just the Icing on the Cake
IT manager: I wish I worked in HR, they’re always either eating cake or firing people.
New York City, New York
Will You Wear Your Corset and Shiny Black Boots Again?
HR woman on phone with rep at staffing agency: I will drive over there and I will smack you; and then I will fire you in front of your peers.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Anony Mouse
