Archive for the ‘Hiring & Firing’ Category

Which Is Why It Can’t Be the Oth­er Guy I Slept With

Very white girl in busi­ness suit on cell in cafe­te­ria: No, I haven’t told him yet, I just found out for sure this morn­ing. (pause) Well, I don’t have his phone num­ber any­more, I took it out of my phone so I would­n’t drunk di­al. (pause) I don’t know, I know his ad­dress, so maybe I’ll just send him a card. “Ros­es are red, vi­o­lets are blue, I’m hav­ing a ba­by, and so are you”. (pause) Hey, maybe a singing telegram to him at work. That’ll go over big. (pause) He’s an el­e­men­tary school teacher… that would prob­a­bly get him fired. (pulls out ghet­to ac­cent) And you know my ba­by dad­dy bet­ter have his­self a job!

Prince­ton, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Cur­rrly!

As a Con­di­tion of His Pa­role

Suit #1: Well, what about Har­ry*? We could put him on the lo­cal board. He has a lot of con­nec­tions around the city.
Suit #2: Wait, did­n’t he just get out of prison?
Suit #3: Eh, he’s paid his debt to so­ci­ety. Plus, I’m sure he’s look­ing for a job.

Con­fer­ence room
New York, New York

2PM Re­view Can­di­dates

Boss #1: We can use [Derek] as our field su­per­vi­sor; he knows how to do the work.
Boss #2: Is he still a drunk?
Boss #1: Yeah. His wife left him.
Boss #2: He has al­ways been a drinker.
Boss #1: So we’ll put him in charge of every­thing and he can run the crews. We’ll pay his ex­pens­es and give him the com­pa­ny truck.
Boss #2: Okay. Sounds good to me. Maybe stuff will start get­ting done now.

8221 NW Ex­press­way Street
Ok­la­homa City, Ok­la­homa

2PM Make Of­fer

Suit #1: Well, you’ve heard more than I have. I can think of three can­di­dates, then.
Suit #2: And one very close to you.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: There’s Bill.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: And Mark.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: And that good-look­ing guy from Con­necti­cut, the one with the hair.
Suit #1: Right.
Suit #2: Hmm.

140 Broad­way
New York, NY

5PM That’s a Wrap

Di­rec­tor #1: Hey, why are you pack­ing up? Is your of­fice mov­ing to­mor­row?
Di­rec­tor #2: Uh, no. I just got fired.
Di­rec­tor #1: Oh, wow. There’s re­al­ly just not a way for this not to be awk­ward is there?

7201 Metro Boule­vard
Min­neapo­lis, Min­neso­ta