Branch manager: What do you want me to do? Do you want me to fire him? I’ll fire anyone — I don’t care!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Branch manager: What do you want me to do? Do you want me to fire him? I’ll fire anyone — I don’t care!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Boss #1: We can use [Derek] as our field supervisor; he knows how to do the work.
Boss #2: Is he still a drunk?
Boss #1: Yeah. His wife left him.
Boss #2: He has always been a drinker.
Boss #1: So we’ll put him in charge of everything and he can run the crews. We’ll pay his expenses and give him the company truck.
Boss #2: Okay. Sounds good to me. Maybe stuff will start getting done now.
8221 NW Expressway Street
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Employee #1: There’s a drunk guy outside who wants to know if we’re hiring any laborers.
Employee #2: Does he have a valid driver’s license?
1201 Yorkship Square
Camden, New Jersey
Interviewing manager looking at resume: This is what? Your middle name? What language is this?
Interviewee: It’s Hawaiian. I’m part Hawaiian.
Interviewer: Oh… So, did you have to wait for the white man to get there before you had a language?
San Diego, California
Suit #1: Well, you’ve heard more than I have. I can think of three candidates, then.
Suit #2: And one very close to you.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: There’s Bill.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: And Mark.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: And that good-looking guy from Connecticut, the one with the hair.
Suit #1: Right.
Suit #2: Hmm.
140 Broadway
New York, NY
Director #1: Hey, why are you packing up? Is your office moving tomorrow?
Director #2: Uh, no. I just got fired.
Director #1: Oh, wow. There’s really just not a way for this not to be awkward is there?
7201 Metro Boulevard
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Underling #1: Man, this sucks, you can always tell when someone’s about to get let go.
Underling #2: Yeah?
Underling #1: Well yeah. [The boss] is still here.
Underling #2: How does that–
Underling #1: It’s 3:30pm!…Hello? It’s Friday!
5790 Fleet Street
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: Milton Waddams
Boss: You know what my problem is? I’m too nice a guy. I fired [Lenore] this morning. I should’ve kept her on till the end of the day, but then I would’ve felt like I was using her. I’m an idiot.
Salesperson: That’s two problems.
40 Shuman Boulevard
Naperville, Illinois
IT manager: I wish I worked in HR, they’re always either eating cake or firing people.
New York City, New York
HR woman on phone with rep at staffing agency: I will drive over there and I will smack you; and then I will fire you in front of your peers.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Anony Mouse
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist