Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category

1PM Lunch

Sales #1: There’s lint on your shoulder.
Sales #2: Oh.
Sales #1: Here, I’ll pick it off. Wait, here’s Scotch tape; that works better.
Sales #2: I feel like those monkeys that pick bugs off each other’s heads and backs. 

712 South Hacienda Drive
Tempe, Arizona

3PM Coffee Break

Battleaxe: You know, pretty soon we’ll start to see refugees from New Orleans at this school…I’d rather that than the Muslims.

695 Park Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Carl Limbacher 

Co-worker #1: Man, New Orleans has sure turned into something out of Lord Of The Rings.
Co-worker #2: Don’t you mean Lord Of The Flies?

800 Hennepin Ave S
Minneapolis, Minnesota

1PM Business Casual

T‑shirt: Why are you wearing a suit?
Suit: I had court this morning.
T‑shirt: Traffic Court? Did you pay a fine?
Suit: Yeah, Traffic Court. The fine was five hundred dollars.
T‑shirt: You should have worn a different suit. That one looks like it cost about forty dollars.
Suit: I paid seven hundred dollars for this.
T‑shirt: You got ripped off.
Suit: Well whoever’s been giving you that piece of shit baseball brim haircut the last year has been ripping you off.
T‑shirt: I wear a toupee.

2211 N. First Street
San Jose, California

Overheard by: daimaoh

Of Course, the Functional Invisibility Is Good for Robbing Banks

Woman #1: I hate these bloody name tags!
Woman #2: I know! The straps are so long! Everyone keeps peering down at your belly before looking up at your face!
Woman #1: I prefer the name tags you can clip on your lapel…
Woman #2: Yes, at my age I’d actually rather men stared at my tits and not at my stomach.
Old woman exiting stall: Honey, at my age you’re chuffed if they look anywhere at all!

Conference, St. Andrews Place
London
England

He Should Have Said “My Stupid Self”

Manager #1: Here’s your stupid file, because your stupid student workers didn’t stupid-finish the stupid work on the stupid contract, so I had to stupid-do it myself.
Manager #2: Heh, pretty gay, right there.
Student worker: Bill*, come on… He’s just so proud when he learns a new word.

6100 Main Street
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: ninjacles