Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category

Time to Stop Hav­ing Din­ner at Mel Gib­son’s House

Jew­ish man­ag­er: I got your e‑mail about XYZ Spring Com­pa­ny* not be­ing able to make that spring.
Of­fice girl: Yeah, those dirty– Ugh!
Jew­ish man­ag­er: It’s okay, it’s okay!
Of­fice girl: They just keep quot­ing stuff, and when I give them an or­der they de­cide they can’t do it be­cause they are lit­tle pieces–! Ugh! Nev­er mind!
Jew­ish man­ag­er: Are you okay?
Of­fice girl: Yeah… I’m just try­ing to be Chris­t­ian to­day.
Jew­ish man­ag­er: … Good for you. [Walks away.]Office girl, from a dis­tance: I need to say more things in my head. I think I’m fired now.

8220 Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

9AM It’s Too Ear­ly for This

Woman: There’s some­thing wrong with my com­put­er. There are satel­lites
and things float­ing around! Why did you work on my com­put­er? I thought you were done. I have to get my work done! Do you know what you are do­ing! Fix it!
IT gal: Okay, let me see. I did not work on your sys­tem to­day, let me
look.

Mouse click.

IT gal: …It’s the screen­saver.

4411 Bea­con Cir­cle
West Palm Beach, Flori­da

The Mis­take Is Try­ing to Find Celebri­ties to Re­spect

Re­cep­tion­ist #1: Do you know who Jes­si­ca Simp­son is dat­ing?
Re­cep­tion­ist #2: No, I don’t care. … Who?
Re­cep­tion­ist #1: I read it in Peo­ple so you know it’s true. You’re go­ing to be so pissed.
Re­cep­tion­ist #2: Ok, who?
Re­cep­tion­ist #1: John May­er!
Re­cep­tion­ist #2: Whaaaaaat?
Re­cep­tion­ist #1: I know, right?
Re­cep­tion­ist #2: Dude. What is with every celebri­ty guy I ever re­spect­ed let­ting me down late­ly? First Jared Leto look­ing like a labia at the VMAs, now this?
Re­cep­tion­ist #1: At least it’s not Dane Cook.
Re­cep­tion­ist #2: I know. At least he’s pre­served.
Re­cep­tion­ist #1: At least he was­n’t taint­ed by her taint.

Taunton, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: ker­i­ly

3PM Cof­fee Break

Co-work­er: Where do we sign up for that class? Ass-kiss­ing 101?
‘Cause I think I have this neg­a­tive re­ac­tion to it that’s hold­ing me back, and I think that a class could re­al­ly help me break down bar­ri­ers.

1910 Pa­cif­ic Av­enue
Dal­las, Texas

4PM Look Busy!

Un­der­ling #1: Man, this sucks, you can al­ways tell when some­one’s about to get let go.
Un­der­ling #2: Yeah?
Un­der­ling #1: Well yeah. [The boss] is still here.
Un­der­ling #2: How does that–
Un­der­ling #1: It’s 3:30pm!…Hello? It’s Fri­day!

5790 Fleet Street
Carls­bad, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Mil­ton Wad­dams