Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category

He Aced the Mixed Drinks Portion of the Bar Exam

Defense attorney: Objection, Your Honor. The prosecution continues to assert this witness is an expert but has offered no evidence to support the claim.
Judge: Sustained. Mr. Martin*, is this witness your expert?
Prosecutor: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: Would you care to establish for the court why the witness is an expert in the field of pediatrics?
Prosecutor: Cause he…ummm…knows stuff?

State Court
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Xen

3PM Bake Sale

Teacher #1: What are they raising all this money for?
Teacher #2: For this lady in the cleaning crew. Apparently, her purse was stolen and she lost nine hundred bucks that she was planning to send home to her family in Mexico.
Teacher #1: Where’s my nine hundred bucks? Since I started working here, I lost everything.

444 Pleasantville Road
Briarcliff Manor, New York

3PM Smoke Break

Lawyer on cell: Why do you call me when you’re trying to name your cats, but you don’t call me when you’re served with a subpoena?

509 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

1PM Lunch

Sales #1: There’s lint on your shoulder.
Sales #2: Oh.
Sales #1: Here, I’ll pick it off. Wait, here’s Scotch tape; that works better.
Sales #2: I feel like those monkeys that pick bugs off each other’s heads and backs.

712 South Hacienda Drive
Tempe, Arizona