Folks in our little cube farm were shutting things down to leave for the weekend, when a loud voice rose from one of the cubes: Just once I wish Microsoft Outlook would wait while I shut down!
1256 Porter Avenue
Bristol, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Michael Leatherbury
Office grunt: I don’t know where he gets it from… No, wait, I know where he gets it from — he sucks the energy of others.
Software office
Hauppauge, New York
Overheard by: Lauren
Data entry guy #1: Ya know what freaks me out?
Data entry guy #2: Um… What?
Data entry guy #1: Canadians.
Dallas, Texas
Attorney’s wife: I’m getting so fat.
Attorney: You’re not fat.
Attorney’s wife: Aw, well…
Attorney interrupts: You’re old. You just look fat.
319 West Woodlawn Avenue
Louisville, Kentucky
Coworker #1: I am going to come in on Monday and tell [Dave] to shove it.
Coworker #2: Do I even want to know why?
Coworker #1: I’m going to win the lottery this weekend. Fifty-six million dollars!
Coworker #2: If I win the lottery, I will go around running into every person in Houston who has ever cut me off! And those that come out of the parking lot right when the light turns green and then cross all three lanes in front of everyone, I’m just gonna floor it…
Coworker #1: Uh, I was just talking about not having to work for a while.
2875 Antoine
Houston, Texas
Sports editor: I think you need to apologize for that.
Opinion editor: Okay, but you need to meet me halfway. I’m sorry for hitting you, but you need to apologize for existing.
5211 Old Charlotte Highway
Monroe, North Carolina
Police sergeant: Have you done those sexual child abuse talks at the school yet?
Civilian employee: Yes, and several of the children need to file a report.
Police sergeant: Great! Now we have more work. Whose idea was it to do those talks?
8620 California Avenue
South Gate, California
Manager #1: If I worked at this office every day, I’d never get anything done. You guys spend all your time walking around and socializing.
Manager #2: Now that’s not true. I also spend a good amount of time in the bathroom.
1700 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Marketing chick #1: Your pants look much better. I’m glad you got them fixed.
Marketing chick #2: Thanks; nothing beats running around the office in my underwear for half an hour.
512 7th Avenue
New York, NY
Co-Worker: My cousin died in a car accident yesterday.
Boss: Oh, I’m sorry.
Co-Worker: Yeah. The funeral is Saturday in St. Louis.
Boss: Will you be going?
Co-Worker: Oh no! That’s not enough time for me to get everything around and make it down there! I mean, maybe if they had given me a week’s notice…
Olentangy River Road
Columbus, Ohio