Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category

I Know the Per­fect Po­si­tion For You!

Em­ploy­ee #1: I don’t know how you got a bet­ter re­view than you did last year.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Yeah, me ei­ther.
Em­ploy­ee #1: You know, I re­al­ly on­ly get about 50% out of you each day.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Yeah, that sounds about right. Some days more, some days less. Usu­al­ly less.
Em­ploy­ee #1: Would­n’t it be great if I got that 100% out of you, though?
Em­ploy­ee #2: Prob­a­bly, but I re­al­ly just don’t feel like it.

901 War­renville Road
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Re­cov­er­ing Worka­holic

He’d Rather Do It Av­o­ca­tion­al­ly

Man­ag­er: Why do they send so much of this stock? It’s nev­er gonna sell. What bunch of ar­se­holes thought this up at head of­fice?
Pe­on: This is re­al­ly get­ting to you, is­n’t it? I get the feel­ing you ap­plied for a job there, and they turned you down.
Man­ag­er: A job at head of­fice? No thanks, I’ve no de­sire to be an ar­se­hole for a liv­ing.
Pe­on: But you’d be so good at it.

4 The Sid­ings
Lin­coln, Unit­ed King­dom

Thank God the Week­end’s Fi­nal­ly Here

Co-work­er #1: Have you ever been to Greece?
Co-work­er #2: Yup.
Co-work­er #1: Did you go see ru­ins of Pan­theos?
Co-work­er #2: You mean, “the Parthenon?”
Co-work­er #1: Yeah, that’s it! Aw man, to­day I’ve got…what’s that called?
Co-work­er #2: Stu­pid?
Co-work­er #1: Ha, ha. Very fun­ny. No…oh! Mind dyslex­ia!
Co-work­er #2: As op­posed to body dyslex­ia?

216 W. Jack­son Boule­vard
Chica­go, Illi­nois

4PM Staff Meet­ing

Di­rec­tor: I don’t think that will cut the mus­tard.
Man­ag­er: You mean “pass muster”?
Di­rec­tor: No, it’s “cut the mus­tard!”
Man­ag­er: I think you’re try­ing to say you cut the cheese.

8001 Irvine Cen­ter Dri­ve
Irvine, Calif.

Over­heard by: Pffft

12PM Lunch

Ac­coun­tant: This chick­en [Sue] brought in is yum­my. I’m just go­ing to take a break to eat it here rather than take it back to my desk. I don’t trust my­self not to get my pa­per­work all greasy.
Su­per­vi­sor: That’s why I’m go­ing to make a sand­wich out of it.
Sec­re­tary: Oh, I don’t care about greasy fin­gers. All I do is han­dle in­com­ing checks all day.

401 Church Street
Nashville, Ten­nessee