Professor #1: You know what I hate? There’s never any TP in the men’s room. You have to bring your own.
Professor #2: Yeah, I know. Unless you buy it at the vending machine.
Professor #1 unspools some paper from a roll on the coffee table.
Professor #1: I just hate using this roll. It’s like telegraphing the whole world you’ve gotta take a dump.
San 69 – 1
Churye 2‑dong, Sasang-gu
Busan City, South Korea
Overheard by: KGB
Worker: Can I take the rest of the day off?
Boss: LetmethinkaboutthatNo.
Worker: Don’t you want to hear why?
Boss: No.
Worker: Some of the guys are going snowmobiling and I wanted to meet up with them…
Boss: What do you think this is, a resort?
Worker: If it were a resort, I wouldn’t have to leave; there’d be things to do.
900 Simpson Street
Saint Paul, Minnesota
Co-worker #1: How was your lunch?
Co-worker #2: It was okay. We had an old Greek waitress. I didn’t care for her too much.
Co-worker #1: Was it the fact that she was old or Greek?
Co-worker #2: It was a combination. Greeks are a weird people.
444 Park Avenue South
New York, NY
Guy on phone: We got new digs over here! Yeah, we moved out of the building with all the hot woman and into a big corporate building!
1166 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Attorney: This work shit has got to stop. It’s really bringing me down.
301 Merritt Seven
Norwalk, Connecticut
Manager: It’s complicated to be me today.
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
Lady suit, at lunch: How is it?
Male suit: It needs something.
Lady suit: Perhaps you should have asked for a more aggressive vegetable.
9th Street and Main Avenue
Durango, Colorado
White coworker: So, you’re from Baltimore, right?
Black coworker: No, everyone thinks all there is to Maryland is Baltimore. I’m actually from a small town called Upper Marlboro, which is closer to D.C.
White coworker: Really? Baltimore is cool. Is where you’re from like Baltimore?
Black coworker: Oh, no, it’s very different. In fact, people from Baltimore don’t like people from P.G. so much. They say we’re bourgeois, stuck up, and that we act like white people. But we don’t act white, we just have money.
29th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Laughing inside
Patient: Stop raping me!
Nurse #1: Did I just hear that?
Nurse #2: She has been yelling it all day.
Randolph Road
Plainfield, New Jersey
Employee on phone: My buddy just told me this story about how his wife was so drunk last weekend in a high-end club in the Hamptons, and she ran to the bathroom to puke but never fully made it to the toilet. On top of that, as she was puking everywhere, turns out she was also shitting herself. So now the whole club had to be closed down because it smelled like shit and puke. Isn’t that hysterical?
Boss walks in.
Employee to boss: Hey, do you know this club?
Boss: Yeah, I actually went there last Saturday night, but we left immediately because it smelled like shit and vomit.
60th Street & Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: holding-it-in
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist