Assistant: Are you stealing things already?
Marketing rep: Are you saying that because I’m black?
9401 West Brown Deer Road
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: T
Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category
That’s More of a Pliers Job
Worker #1: Your friend came over. She wanted to borrow a screwdriver.
Worker #2: Why, to shut her fucking mouth?
3600 Las Vegas Blvd South
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Frank Grimes
Clinton Was a Rhodes Scholar, and He Still Picks up Trash on Friday Nights
Salesman: It’s this whole ‘No Child Left Behind, let’s get all the kids to graduate college’ bullshit. If everybody goes to college, who’s gonna do the work? Huh? Who’s gonna dig the ditches? Who’s gonna pick up the trash? We don’t need that. We need kids to drop out of school and do the work.
Birch Street
Brea, California
4PM Call [the Client]
Secretary: [The client] keeps calling and asking for me. And you know what? The next time he does that, I’m going to tell him that you lied to him.
Boss: What? Why?
Secretaty: Because you tell him you’re going to do all these things for him, and you don’t!
Boss: That’s because he’s an idiot!
527 West Jefferson Street
Louisville, Kentucky
No Wonder the Postal Service Is Going Broke
Designer: Any cat lady with a sticker-printing machine… can make stamps.
Manhattan, New York
That’s What the Cargo Pockets are For
Suit on cell: I’m going home and changing into shorts. It’s so hot out there I need to throw up.
Washington Mutual
Livermore, California
Overheard by: Stephen
Isn’t There Supposed to Be a Tortoise in This Story?
Disgruntled employee at table filled with others: I don’t know what’s gonna win the race: a heart attack, finding a new job, or getting laid off.
Blue Bell, Pennsylvania
Another Texan Reveals That He’s Not a Steer
Co-worker, complaining about his chapped lips: These chapped lips really suck big dick.
The Arboretum
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: El Gato
You’re Very Talented at Gnawing Off Duct Tape, by the Way.
Owner: All I can do about it is bitch, so I’ll bitch. Is that okay with you?
Clerk: We haven’t found a way to stop you yet, so yeah, I guess so.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: BFS
It’ll Be Our Little Secret
Male worker on phone: Yeah, I always think your name is Victoria. I said, I always think your name is Victoria. No, I know that. I still think your name is Victoria.
1166 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Duncan
