Boss: I wouldn’t even be able to kill myself right today. I’d screw it up.
Employee: If it makes you feel better I knocked myself unconscious this weekend.
Boss: Yeah, actually, it does.
323 East Grand River
Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Pam Beasley
Voice from conference room: Give me back my shirt!
Large law firm
New York, New York
Guy: That’s because you broke it!
Hot blonde: I know, I totally put it in the wrong hole.
Guy: You should be more careful.
Hot blonde: I added more liquid, but I get no smoke.
Guy: Did you make sure to re-insert the thingie?
80 Grasslands Avenue
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
Office worker #1: My goodness, I have so much work that even if I stayed at work 24 hours it still wouldn’t even put a dent in my workload.
Office worker #2: Wow, you have that much work?
Office worker #1: No…it’s just that I’m always too busy farting around to get any work done.
475 Anton Boulevard
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: Remy Rawrs
Co-worker #1: All we ever talk about in this office is food. It is
always in the conversation.
Co-worker #2: Well, it is at every social occasion, and we center our lives around it in a way.
Co-worker #1: We should all become prostitutes so our conversations
center around our sexual liaisons rather then food.
2601 4th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Worker #1: I ordered the print from that guy. I’m his first international sale: he’s in Canada.
Worker #2: Canada cracks me up.
1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: stephanie
Teacher: Fix the photocopier, it’s not working.
Secretary: What did you do to it?
Teacher: Nothing, it’s just jammed, unjam it.
Secretary: Oh my god, what is that smell…what did you do?
Teacher: Nothing.
Secretary: Did you put transparencies in here? Oh my god, you did! Dude! You can’t do that! They’ll melt! This is a colour photocopier.
Teacher: I wanted colour transparencies.
Secretary: You are so demoted to mimeograph!
557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
20-something woman: Just when I get my desk cleaned up, someone comes and dumps a pile of bras on it.
36th Street and 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Co-Worker #1: Kids are just a built in excuse to call in sick. If Carl* can call in because his kid is sick, I should be able to call in sick because I’m hungover.
Co-Worker #2: Wouldn’t that be every day then?
Co-Worker #1: No, I mean too hungover to work.
Highways 7 and 78
Independence, Missouri
Overheard by: steak of life
Area Manager: We will need to open an investigation into this and see what happened.
Superintendent: I’ll tell you what happened: he fucked up!
Area Manager: Well, I didn’t say it needed to be a long investigation.
128 Spring Street
Ypsilanti, Michigan
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
