Archive for the ‘Government’ Category

Why ‘Amer­i­can Gov­ern­ment Con­spir­a­cy’ Will Al­ways Be an Oxy­moron

In­tern #1: I will do all of your House bills if you get up and dance right now!
In­tern #2: No.
Co-Work­er: Why would you pay all of his house bills if he dances? That’s like $100!
In­tern #1: House, like House of Rep­re­sen­ta­tives!
Co-Work­er: We have ac­cess to the leg­is­la­ture’s pow­er bills?

Po­lit­i­cal Of­fice
Raleigh, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Ja­son B.

I’m Just Ex­cit­ed Be­cause My Ship­ment Ar­rived from Colom­bia

Kind su­per­vi­sor: I just want­ed to ask you to low­er your voice a lit­tle bit. You must have got­ten some good news on the phone, but you were a lit­tle ram­bunc­tious with the lan­guage. I think you said (whis­per­ing) “shit” three times dur­ing that call.
Em­bar­rassed sec­re­tary: You ask so lit­tle of me, and I still can’t do it. I mean, who has to tell a grown woman not to yell “shit” in a crowd­ed of­fice?

Gov­ern­ment Of­fice
Tam­pa, Flori­da

2PM Rais­ing Head­count

Re­cruiter for aid pro­grams in Afghanistan: I talked with one Mark John­son* — an 82-year-old WWII vet. He does­n’t hear well, but would love to see some com­bat. I told him that I would see what we could arrange.
Man­ag­er: Um­mm…
Re­cruiter: Dude, sar­casm?

7250 Wood­mont Av­enue
Bethes­da, Mary­land