Archive for the ‘General Idiocy’ Category

1PM Lunch

Co-worker #1: You should say this word [unintelligible] next time you have a curry.
Co-worker #2: What does it mean?
Co-worker #1: Just say it, then get ready to run.
Co-worker #2: What language is it?
Co-worker #1: You know what they all speak. Muslim.

Shell Oil
Rig T/O S711
North Sea

I’m Hoping to Put Everything Right With a Deathbed Confession

Professor: What’s the big deal? I don’t understand what I did wrong here.
Angry grad student: You put information in that grant that is absolutely wrong! You totally misconstrued the results!
Professor: Well…fine, but I said it was “early preliminary data,” so it should be okay.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat

Performance Review: Fails to Extrapolate

Employee #1: So did you know that any time you reserve a conference room, you have to also make a separate reservation for the media equipment?
Employee #2: Yeah, you always have to make a separate reservation for the equipment.
Employee #1: So when I reserved the conference room, why didn’t you tell me I needed to make a separate reservation for the equipment?
Employee #2: Well, you asked if they had it. You didn’t say you needed to USE it.

Santa Barbara, California

Well You Did Plan the Whole Funeral

Peon #1: Oh my god, who wrote “Happy birthday!” in the “Loss of your father” sympathy card?
Peon #2: Clearly it was Lance. Who else is that stupid?
Lance: What did I do? Oh, it’s fine, let’s just use Wite-Out, he won’t know the difference.
Peon #2: Didn’t you read the card? Or look at it? It’s blue, how’s “white” out supposed to fix it?
Lance: What, it’s always someone’s birthday around here, since when do we do sympathy cards?
Peon #1: Since my grandma died and you wrote “Thanks for all your hard work.”

Arizona

Overheard by: Shocked in AZ