Boss: How many servers do you think Google has?
Lackey: Infinite.
Boss: Infinite? You’re a retard.
15 Alatarinda Road
Orinda, California
Overheard by: choking on a brownie
Archive for the ‘General Idiocy’ Category
2PM Client Meeting
Lawyer on phone: I don’t care what you want to do, just file the fucking report! Shut the fuck up and file the fucking thing!
Client: Yikes.
Secretary: He’s yelling at his other secretary.
Client: …Yeah, but–
Lawyer: I said file the fucking thing!
Secretary: It’s okay. She’s also his wife.
430 West First Street
New Albany, Indiana
… Nor What State We Started In
VP on phone: Yeah, what’s wrong?
Niece on speaker phone: We’re lost. Can you pull up a map or something?
VP: Where are you and where are you going?
Niece: We’re going somewhere in Massachusetts, and we don’t know what state we’re in.
316 Warren Avenue
Front Royal, Virginia
Overheard by: not the dumbest anymore
4PM Look Busy!
Underling #1: Man, this sucks, you can always tell when someone’s about to get let go.
Underling #2: Yeah?
Underling #1: Well yeah. [The boss] is still here.
Underling #2: How does that–
Underling #1: It’s 3:30pm!…Hello? It’s Friday!
5790 Fleet Street
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: Milton Waddams
That's What You Said About Using Your Intern As a Bench
Suit #1: Hey, did the DB team ever send you that data for your report?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: Can't you just make up the numbers?
Suit #2: I would, but I already made up 60% of the numbers in the report.
Suit #1: 60%?
Suit #2: Yeah, generally 40% of the numbers in a report have to be accurate. It's an accepted standard.
Cleveland, Ohio
1PM Lunch
Worker #1: Did you know that Big Lots closed all of its furniture stores down? It was no IKEA but it sure had a few nice things in there. Damn I am full of gas this afternoon.
Worker #2: I didn’t know they had furniture stores…
Worker #1: Yeah…They have surely came a long way since I was a kid. They always had like the crappiest food stuff. They are a close-out store, right?
Worker #2: I didn’t know they had food.
Worker #1: Well, not food food, but like cereal.
Worker #2: Oh, shelf food. Yeah.
Worker #1: Yeah..I would totally not buy discontinued bananas. That’s just rank.
1 Easton Oval
Columbus, Ohio
I Am Helping You
Assistant: Can you stick around? I need supervision for this.
Manager: Really? I'd rather have super hearing than super vision. (pause) Oh, you meant “supervision,” didn't you?
Assistant: Do you think someone else could help me with this?
Baltimore, Maryland
…Could You Turn on My Computer for Me?
Creative director: I can't take the course because I don't have the software.
Peon: Why don't you find out what the software costs and how to get it, and submit a proposal?
Creative director: I don't know where to find that information.
Peon: Why don't you use something called “the internet” to look it up?
Creative director: You mean like go into Google and type the name of the software?
Peon: Yeah, like that.
Creative director: Oh, good idea.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Horse Whisperer
This Way You'll Never Forget It
CSR: So that is apartment “E,” like “echo”?
Customer: Eh… No, no, no. “E” like “elephant”!
Kitchener
Ontario
Canadia
So Only Old or Stupid People Deal with Him Now
Employee: Where’s Bob* been the last few days?
Manager: Oh… He’s been AOL for a while now.
1080 Greenwood Boulevard
Lake Mary, Florida
Overheard by: Something Mickey this way comes