Archive for the ‘General Idiocy’ Category

Just in Case, Though, We Of­fer a Full Course on Bob­bing and Weav­ing

Ori­en­ta­tion pre­sen­ter: In all the code fives I’ve re­spond­ed to over the years, there’s on­ly been one that in­volved a weapon. But if you hear “code five lob­by” an­nounced over­head, and then you hear shots fired, don’t go in­to the lob­by!

Al­bany Gen­er­al Hos­pi­tal
Al­bany, Ore­gon

Over­heard by: Nao­mi

1PM Lunch

Staff #1: Does any­one know what that sign refers to?
Se­nior As­so­ciate: Which one?
Staff #1: The one that says “2121 Lunch E On”.
Staff #2: Did you just say “Lunch E On”?
Staff #1: Well, what does it say?

2345 Crys­tal Dri­ve
Ar­ling­ton, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: Ten Kay

The Zen Oven Is Gen­er­al­ly Low-Main­te­nance

Man­ag­er on phone with re­frig­er­a­tion com­pa­ny: That oven that nev­er comes on but is al­ways on? It did­n’t come on.
An­swer­ing ser­vice: Would you please re­peat that?
Man­ag­er: You know, that oven that nev­er comes on but is al­ways on? Well, it did­n’t come on.
An­swer­ing ser­vice: Thank you, sir. I’ll let the ser­vice rep know.

Restau­rant, Slide Road and Loop 289
Lub­bock, Texas

12PM In­ven­to­ry

Em­ploy­ee: Hey, I have an open hour to­day. Is there any­thing you need?
Su­per­vi­sor #1: Um, yeah. One of the ceil­ing tiles broke, and they don’t make that type any­more, and in or­der to get an es­ti­mate re­do­ing all the ceil­ing tiles, I need you to go around and count them.
Su­per­vi­sor #2: Yeah…but in the cor­ners: you know how they aren’t full tiles? You need to mea­sure them and fig­ure out what per­cent­age of a full tile it is. You know, so we can get an ac­cu­rate as­sess­ment.

30 min­utes go by.

Su­per­vi­sor #1: Are you se­ri­ous­ly count­ing all of those tiles?
Em­ploy­ee: Yeah, why? Oh, man. Fuck you guys.

11161 Mill Val­ley Road
Om­a­ha, Ne­bras­ka

Over­heard by: Bronx­ie

1PM Re­fu­el­ing

Pow­er bro­ker #1: Two large cap­puc­ci­nos.
Cashier: Thank you. That will be $4.50.
Pow­er bro­ker #1: Where’s the cin­na­mon?
Cashier: I’m sor­ry, we’re out of cin­na­mon.
Pow­er bro­ker #1: Then I don’t want it!
Cashier: Ex­cuse me?
Pow­er bro­ker #2: Okay, let’s just bring it back to the of­fice.
Pow­er bro­ker #1: No! Just give me my mon­ey back. I can’t drink the foamy milk with­out the cin­na­mon.

100 Broad­way
New York, New York

Over­heard by: Mark