Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

Now If On­ly We Could Fig­ure Out a Way to Blame This on Men

Per­son #1: My vagi­na is as fucked as the Gaza strip.
Per­son #2: Can I sug­gest a nice Jew­ish gy­no?
Per­son #1: I don’t want her to col­o­nize my vag. Moni­stat will work just fine.
Per­son #2: You could just shove some Chal­lah bread up there and have the yeast go to town on your sor­ry ghet­toized crotch.

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

If They Ever Get out of the Burn Unit

Guy: Why can’t you just have the par­ty at your place?
Girl: ‘Cuz I lost my dam­age de­posit af­ter that one time when that guy caught him­self on fire.
Guy: A guy caught him­self on fire and you lost your de­posit?
Girl: Well, he dropped and rolled on the car­pet. Then some­one tried to put out the em­bers with rum, so the car­pet caught fire too.
Guy: .…
Girl: Yeah, no more par­ties at my place cuz I have stu­pid friends who to­tal­ly owe me $500 now.

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Nosey

There Are Used Vi­bra­tors on EBay (Don’t Ask How We Know)

Guy: Me and the wife are go­ing out this week­end. You think you could hook me up with…uhh, some hap­py fun time shit?
Girl: Are you se­ri­ous? I don’t think I have any­thing you’d like. How do you know what your wife wants?
Guy: What the fuck? She wants weed, end of sto­ry!
Girl: Oh, shit! I thought you were talk­ing about sex toys!
Guy: Why the fuck would I ask to bor­row some­one else’s sex toys?
Girl: I…uh…
Guy (smirk­ing): So you have sex toys, huh? What kind?
Girl: Shut up!

Cen­ten­ni­al, Col­orado

Over­heard by: Trou­ble