Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

Why “Em­ploy­ees Must Wash Hands” Signs Ex­ist

Gay serv­er #1: We’ll be meet­ing that non-les­bian who looks just like a guy.
Gay serv­er #2: Dibs on her anus.
[pause]Gay serv­er #1: It’s al­ways about the anus with you, is­n’t it?

Cir­cle Cen­tre Mall
In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Shat­man­du

Now If On­ly We Could Fig­ure Out a Way to Blame This on Men

Per­son #1: My vagi­na is as fucked as the Gaza strip.
Per­son #2: Can I sug­gest a nice Jew­ish gy­no?
Per­son #1: I don’t want her to col­o­nize my vag. Moni­stat will work just fine.
Per­son #2: You could just shove some Chal­lah bread up there and have the yeast go to town on your sor­ry ghet­toized crotch.

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

If They Ever Get out of the Burn Unit

Guy: Why can’t you just have the par­ty at your place?
Girl: ‘Cuz I lost my dam­age de­posit af­ter that one time when that guy caught him­self on fire.
Guy: A guy caught him­self on fire and you lost your de­posit?
Girl: Well, he dropped and rolled on the car­pet. Then some­one tried to put out the em­bers with rum, so the car­pet caught fire too.
Guy: .…
Girl: Yeah, no more par­ties at my place cuz I have stu­pid friends who to­tal­ly owe me $500 now.

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Nosey