Guy: Why can’t you just have the party at your place?
Girl: ‘Cuz I lost my damage deposit after that one time when that guy caught himself on fire.
Guy: A guy caught himself on fire and you lost your deposit?
Girl: Well, he dropped and rolled on the carpet. Then someone tried to put out the embers with rum, so the carpet caught fire too.
Guy: ….
Girl: Yeah, no more parties at my place cuz I have stupid friends who totally owe me $500 now.
Eastlake
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Nosey
Guy: Me and the wife are going out this weekend. You think you could hook me up with…uhh, some happy fun time shit?
Girl: Are you serious? I don't think I have anything you'd like. How do you know what your wife wants?
Guy: What the fuck? She wants weed, end of story!
Girl: Oh, shit! I thought you were talking about sex toys!
Guy: Why the fuck would I ask to borrow someone else's sex toys?
Girl: I…uh…
Guy (smirking): So you have sex toys, huh? What kind?
Girl: Shut up!
Centennial, Colorado
Overheard by: Trouble
Woman #1: What’s 20 percent off of 90 dollars?
Woman #2: It’ll cost 20 dollars.
Queen Street
Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: just doing my job
Intern walking out of bathroom, correcting exiting friend: But if you aren't in a group when you play gay chicken, then it's just two dudes afraid of making out.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: So stop asking
Loud cube drone: It happened again!
Friend: What?
Loud cube drone: I couldn't sleep!
Friend: Oh no, what did you do?
Loud cube drone: Well, I didn't do anything this time. Usually I would just take one of those sleeping pills, like Zoloft, the ones I usually take…
Washington, DC
Teenage girl to pregnant teenage girl: So was your mom a porn star when she was married to your dad?
Shelton, Washington
Overheard by: I just drive
Old lady to another: Sometimes when I’m out in the garden and I have to go, instead of walking all the way to the bathroom I just go in my pants and drop them in the washing machine on the way inside.
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Disgusted in Stall #1
Co-worker #1: Man! Sasha* is on the phone every time I go over there to talk to her.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, you’re right! She is! You know who else is on the phone a lot? Latoya*.
Co-worker #1: … She’s the receptionist…
Tysons Corner, Virginia
Cigarette-smoking chick #1: Wow, you sucked that down fast!
Cigarette-smoking chick #2: Yeah, I wanted it real bad!
Montpelier, Vermont
Overheard by: I know the feeling..
Guy #1: Do you remember GizmoDuck?
Guy #2: Yeah! He was like the Iron Man of the duck world.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Clair