Deli girl: Have you ever seen a beautiful penis? I appreciate what they do, but I don’t like to look at them.
Seafood woman: I’ve seen a beautiful one, but I’m biased, cuz I helped design it.
Deli girl: Um?
Seafood woman: You know, with the piercings, the Prince Albert and the rings. It’s pretty.
Tillsonburg
Ontario
Canadia
Sweet little old lady #1: Well, we didn’t know if we should spit or swallow.
Sweet little old lady #2: What did you do?
Sweet little old lady #1: I swallowed.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Man to another: I’m British, we don’t touch each other.
Newton, Massachusetts
Butch chick: I read The Lion and the Mouse when I was young! It’s a story about how the lion got a thorn in his paw and the mouse helped him remove it, and they became friends.
Normal chick: What a stupid lion, why didn’t he just eat the mouse?
Butch chick: It’s a story of morality for children! Help someone, be friendly!
Normal chick: So?
Butch chick: You don’t eat your friends!
Borders
Melbourne Central
Australia
Overheard by: Incognito
20-something chick: Was it Colorado?
20-something dude: Yeah, that sounds right. There were a lot of unicorns.
Auburn, Massachusetts
Chubby secretary: So, my friend from college was roommates with this guy who went to high school with this girl whose brother was eaten by Jeffrey Dahmer!
Friend: Oh my god! You could have been killed!
Tampa, Florida
Queer (in tears): What you did hurt me, it hurt me to the core!
Fag hag: What are you talking about?
Queer: That was my song, I sing that song – you stole it from me!
Fag hag: It’s a song, it’s karaoke…fucking get over it!
Queer (still in tears): You don’t understand, it’s my song!
Brooklyn, New York
Guy: Do you think it’s possible to be allergic to… you know?
Girl: No, I don’t know…
Guy: Sure you do.
Girl: No, I don’t know what ‘you know’ is!
Guy: Yes, you know!
Girl: What? You mean, like, condoms?
Guy: No, like you know — vagina…
Girl: Why on earth would anybody be allergic to vagina?!
Guy: Cause, you know, it’s like fish.
Customer service call center
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: MBN
Girl: Did you ever eat SpaghettiO’s when you were a kid?
Guy: No, my parents loved me.
Grocery Store
Vancouver, Washington
Young male employee to friend: I mean there’s no strippers in cages or anything, but it looks like it could turn into that kind of place, you know?
Avenue of the Americas
New York City, New York
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist