Archive for the ‘Family members’ Category

For Him, That’s Still Pretty Good

Patient #1 to family member on Skype: Yeah, they’re taking real good care of me. (to nurse) Say hi to my sister.
(nurse leans in to computer screen, waves hello)
Family member on Skype: Is he being a good patient?
Patient #2, on other side of curtain: He’s cryin’ like a little bitch!

Stony Brook Hospital
Long Island, New York

A Feat I’ve Been Attempting for Years

Employee: So, I know that we don’t normally do this, but my father in law is sick and I need to telecommute from here. Is that okay?
Boss on speaker phone: Well, I guess telecommuting is acceptable for this week, but try not to let the situation go on much longer.
Employee to husband after, hanging up the phone: I think he just told me to kill your father.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: I don’t know that I have that kind of power!

…Come by the Office Later and I’ll Give You a Check.

Female executive VP on phone son: I’m not giving you money today. I’m not giving it to you. I’m not giving it to you. I’m not giving it to you. (pause) Michael, did you hear what I just said? I’m not giving you any money today. I’m. Not. Giving. You. Any. Money. Today. (pause) I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I said I’m sorry. (pause) Yes, I’m serious. I gave you $50 yesterday and I said it had to last you until Friday. You’re 21. You’re 21. Get a job. (pause) I’m not giving you money today. Okay, bye. (pause) I love you too.

Montclair, New Jersey