Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Which Is Why It Can’t Be the Oth­er Guy I Slept With

Very white girl in busi­ness suit on cell in cafe­te­ria: No, I haven’t told him yet, I just found out for sure this morn­ing. (pause) Well, I don’t have his phone num­ber any­more, I took it out of my phone so I would­n’t drunk di­al. (pause) I don’t know, I know his ad­dress, so maybe I’ll just send him a card. “Ros­es are red, vi­o­lets are blue, I’m hav­ing a ba­by, and so are you”. (pause) Hey, maybe a singing telegram to him at work. That’ll go over big. (pause) He’s an el­e­men­tary school teacher… that would prob­a­bly get him fired. (pulls out ghet­to ac­cent) And you know my ba­by dad­dy bet­ter have his­self a job!

Prince­ton, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Cur­rrly!

You Know, I Have the Same Prob­lem at Home

Em­ploy­ee (dur­ing glob­al tele­con­fer­ence with CEO): I don’t have a ques­tion, but I just want­ed to thank you for the op­por­tu­ni­ty to work here. Al­though I am deaf, it has­n’t stopped me from hav­ing a chance of prov­ing my­self.
CEO: I ap­pre­ci­ate your com­ment. That is a sub­ject that is near and dear to my heart, since I have a son who is deaf.
Em­ploy­ee: What?

New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Snick­er­ing

Who the Hell Hired You, Any­way?

Op­er­a­tions man­ag­er: What are some of your goals?
New hire: I want to have ba­bies!
Op­er­a­tions man­ag­er: Ok… Do you have any goals in re­gards to your fu­ture with our com­pa­ny?
New hire: Sure, I want to do my job right, but I was re­al­ly just born to have ba­bies.

Dal­las Park­way
Dal­las

Over­heard by: Ad­dy

Vic­tor’s Se­cret

Fe­male cowork­er: I woke up to­day and could­n’t find my panties.
Male cowork­er: So, did you find them fi­nal­ly?
Fe­male cowork­er: No. And my hus­band dis­ap­peared…

Law of­fice
New York, New York

Over­heard by: jul­l­lul­ly