Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Our Tastes Are Disturbingly Similar

Warehouse supervisor #1: Man, my computer at home is running slow.
Warehouse supervisor #2: Why, what's up?
Warehouse supervisor #1: I downloaded some porn but I had to delete it so my wife didn't see it.
Warehouse supervisor #2: Okay, so what's the problem now?
Warehouse supervisor #1: I found pron that was downloaded by my wife.
Warehouse supervisor #2, laughing: Guess you're not the only neglected one in the house.

California

Any Other Dreams I Can Crush Before Lunch?

Secretary #1: Is your boyfriend coming for Christmas?
Secretary #2: Yeah! He's in med school in Seattle studying to be an ER doc, so I don't get to see him much.
Female doctor, just coming into room: Them! Don't get me started on ER docs!
Secretary #1: Oh?
Doctor: They can't keep their pants on–and the married ones are worse!

Albany General Hosptial
Albany, Oregon

4PM Buy New Fax

Boss: So that fax machine is jamming again? I thought the repairman was just in here fixing it? What did he say?
Employee: No, it was that one that he fixed. You switched the faxes, right? So the good one is up here and the bad one is in the back?
Boss: No. I told you this morning that I wasn’t going to do that because your mom was coming in to fax tomorrow so we might as well just get the bad one fixed.
Employee: Who were you talking to? The repair guy? Are you sure you were talking to me?
Boss: No, I was talking to the post.

18 Sycamore Avenue
Ho-Ho-Kus, New Jersey

Overheard by: GrIzZlEbEe!!!

Nah, Probably Just My Wife

Coworker #1: I can't believe you would give someone a nickname like that!
Coworker #2: I thought you knew what a “pole smoker” was.
Coworker #1: No, I didn't. And my mom didn't think it was funny when my wife explained it to the family at Easter, either!
Coworker #2: So does that mean you're going to change your screen name?

Evansville, Indiana

From My Big Book of Rainy Day Activities

Middle-aged project manager: Remember markers?!
Middle-aged web guy: I loved sniffing markers!
Middle-aged project manager: Airplane glue! We had to take my neighbor to the hospital because she got the lid stuck inside her nose from sniffing too hard.
Middle-aged web guy: Haha! I bet that was hard to explain to her parents!
Middle-aged project manager, dreamily: I just sniff paint…

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Unsurprised Temp

Yours Is the “Lollipop Guild” Song, for No Reason Whatsoever

Cube rat #1: Oh, I love that ringtone! That's from Wizard of Oz, isn't it?
Cube rat #2: Yeah, Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead is my favorite song in that whole movie.
Cube rat #1: Who called?
Cube rat #2: My mother-in-law.
Cube rat #1, lauhging: Got any others?
Cube rat #2: Yeah, I've got If I Only Had a Brain on there, too.
Cube rat #1: Who's that one for?
Cube rat #2: My boss.

Bossier City, Louisiana