Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Who the Hell Hired You, Any­way?

Op­er­a­tions man­ag­er: What are some of your goals?
New hire: I want to have ba­bies!
Op­er­a­tions man­ag­er: Ok… Do you have any goals in re­gards to your fu­ture with our com­pa­ny?
New hire: Sure, I want to do my job right, but I was re­al­ly just born to have ba­bies.

Dal­las Park­way
Dal­las

Over­heard by: Ad­dy

Vic­tor’s Se­cret

Fe­male cowork­er: I woke up to­day and could­n’t find my panties.
Male cowork­er: So, did you find them fi­nal­ly?
Fe­male cowork­er: No. And my hus­band dis­ap­peared…

Law of­fice
New York, New York

Over­heard by: jul­l­lul­ly

Oh, Okay. Tweet­ie.

Teen girl, hold­ing a bag with a dead bird in­side: My grand­fa­ther called ear­li­er about get­ting this bird checked for West Nile virus. He found it in his yard.
Of­fice clerk: Ok, I re­mem­ber talk­ing to him this morn­ing. I need to get some in­for­ma­tion from you first. Now, what was his name?

The girl’s eyes get big, and she looks at the bag.

Of­fice clerk: No, not the bird’s name. I need to know your grand­fa­ther’s name.

616 Court Street
Ober­lin, Louisiana

Over­heard by: Vicky

Would­n’t Stop Dri­ving My Hot Rod Lin­coln

Woman: I’d like to pay my cell phone bill, but it’s in my son’s name and I don’t have the pass­word to see it on­line. So, I need to know how much it is.
Em­ploy­ee: You can’t pay it with­out his au­tho­riza­tion. I can’t tell you how much it is.
Woman: He can’t au­tho­rize any­thing, he’s in­car­cer­at­ed.
Em­ploy­ee: Well, we’ll need a copy of the obit­u­ary or the death cer­tifi­cate.
Woman: What? He’s in­car­cer­at­ed! [pause] He’s in jail.
Em­ploy­ee: Oh.

Fred­er­ick, Mary­land