Cube monkey with web problems on phone to IT: Ugh, I can’t get it up. Get your ass over here — I can’t get it up!
Bristol
England
Overheard by: Mhlanguli
Archive for the ‘England’ Category
Of Course, the Functional Invisibility Is Good for Robbing Banks
Woman #1: I hate these bloody name tags!
Woman #2: I know! The straps are so long! Everyone keeps peering down at your belly before looking up at your face!
Woman #1: I prefer the name tags you can clip on your lapel…
Woman #2: Yes, at my age I’d actually rather men stared at my tits and not at my stomach.
Old woman exiting stall: Honey, at my age you’re chuffed if they look anywhere at all!
Conference, St. Andrews Place
London
England
Dog: Sweetie, All You Have to Do Is Say ‘Please’
Chairman: It will be easy, like pulling a greasy stick out a dog’s arse.
Employee: That’s all well and good, but we have to get the greasy stick in there first!
Barrow-in-Furness
Cumbria, England
So I Got This ‘L’ Tattooed on My Forehead
Guy: So it turned out my phone wasn’t broken. It was just nobody wanted to call me.
Filton Road
Bristol, England
Overheard by: Rich
Nothing Tastes as Good as Friends…hip
Intern #1: Can I try your sandwich?
Intern #2: Let me think about it for…no. Friendship, food: two very different things.
136 Tooley Street
London, England
Overheard by: Jessica Reed
Unless “Invisible Men Anonymous” Is Using It Again
Worker bee: Is the meeting in room 1 finished?
Peon: I don’t know, is anyone in there?
Worker bee: No, it’s empty.
Peon: Then the meeting’s probably finished.
Bristol
England
Overheard by: Stephanie
We’ll Continue to Monitor This Development Closely
Receptionist: Ooh! I like your boots!
Teaching assistant: Thanks! I actually have legs now!
Receptionist: You have great legs!
Passing teacher: She’s never had legs before.
Bexhill College
England
…If I Don’t Make It Out Alive, Avenge My Death.
Server manager: Sheffield Hallam… Is that a Poly University?
Web marketer: Dunno, ask the Googleverse.
Server manager, darkly: I will ask the Googleverse.
Dotcom Company
England
Overheard by: Tim C
2PM Work on Presentation
Co-worker #1: So will you give the presentation to the new intake?
Co-worker #2: No.
Co-worker #1: Why not?
Co-worker #2: I have made a personal lifestyle choice not to be helpful to anyone in the company.
120 Tonbridge Road
Hildenborough, Kent
UK
He’d Rather Do It Avocationally
Manager: Why do they send so much of this stock? It’s never gonna sell. What bunch of arseholes thought this up at head office?
Peon: This is really getting to you, isn’t it? I get the feeling you applied for a job there, and they turned you down.
Manager: A job at head office? No thanks, I’ve no desire to be an arsehole for a living.
Peon: But you’d be so good at it.
4 The Sidings
Lincoln, United Kingdom
