Project manager: Can you look over a doc for me?
Engineer #1: Not right now. I'm reading about bestiality.
Engineer #2: What? Dude… Share the link!
Engineers #3 and #4: Yeah!
Alpharetta, Georgia
Archive for the ‘Engineers’ Category
A Problem Never Before Reported to OITO
Architect: There's too much…there are too many people thinking around here.
Charlottesville, Virginia
I Was TRYING to Look at Kiddie Porn
Engineer, to the HR director: Just in case you get a phone call about it later, I wasn’t trying to look at gay porn on my computer.
Farmers Branch, Texas
It's What Jesus Would Do
Engineer on phone: Even skanky girls need love too. And I'm single, so I do my part to help.
Grayslake, Illinois
Probably Asphaltzheimer's Disease
Engineer to another: Don't you just love it when Mark* comes up to your desk and throws down a recipe for soup and asks you where to buy asphalt? And he keeps pointing at it!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: jt
A Manly Man Can Always Use More Hares on His Chest
Male engineer #1 (cleaning a drawer): Oh, look! Temporary tattoos. Here, you can have them.
(male engineer #2 takes them and looks them over)
Male engineer #3: You can put them in your manly chest.
Male engineer #2 (excitedly): Ooh, a bunny!
Matamoros, Mexico
Overheard by: Female Engineering Intern (snickering)
Arlo’s Cursed to Wander the World Alone ’til He Can Make a Woman Laugh
Engineer cleaning out her purse: Hey look! I had four cereal bars in there!
Geeky coworker: Look at the way those are laying next to each other on the desk, one right next to the other… Those aren’t cereal, they are parallel universes!
Richmond Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: The Surly Programmer
Read and Heed, Ladies
Engineer #1: You don't want me designing that machine. Not even if I was the last man on earth.
Project manager: If you were the last man on earth, who would there be to ask you to design it?
Engineer #2: The last woman on earth?
Engineer #1: I definitely wouldn't do it then. No matter what I did, she would make me wrong. Fuck that!
Paterson, New Jersey
1PM Lunch
Secretary: Well, we’re going to Jersey for that meeting, so we could go to the Village Gourmet.
Engineer: Yeah, that was good the last time.
Surveyor: Doesn’t the guy that owns that one own another one too, right down the street from the Village Gourmet?
Secretary: Yeah, but it’s really expensive, everything’s a la carte.
Engineer: What does a la carte mean anyway?
Secretary: Dude, you’re 26 years old and you don’t know what a la fucking carte means?
Surveyor: Aren’t you French Canadian, too?
One Penn Plaza
New York, NY
Overheard by: Melissa Miller
10AM Translation Services
Engineeron phone to production guy: Let me call you back. I might have someone check the Mandarin label for correctness.
. . .
Engineer on phone to production guy: Yeah, Pei* can come by tomorrow at 8:00am to check the label. Is that OK?
Production guy: No.
Engineer: Oh, is that a problem?
Production guy: Yeah, there are a lot of much better looking Chinese girls in the building.
Engineer: Uh…You are on speaker phone.
Three-second silence.
Production guy: Well uh yeah, that should be fine.
800 Beaty Street
Davidson, North Carolina