Woman in line at Starbucks, on cell: They stripped me, in the office, to my bra and underwear! (phone beeps) Just a minute. (switches to waiting call) Yeah? Yeah, I can get you an oatmeal.
Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jade Buddha
Archive for the ‘Employees’ Category
So I’m Pretty Sure the Boss Is Pregnant
Peon: Rice belly would jiggle. Beer belly would, like, wobble hard.
King Street East
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Thank you, sensei
He Seems to Have a Long, Impressive Record
Employee #1: There’s a drunk guy outside who wants to know if we’re hiring any laborers.
Employee #2: Does he have a valid driver’s license?
1201 Yorkship Square
Camden, New Jersey
I Know the Perfect Position For You!
Employee #1: I don’t know how you got a better review than you did last year.
Employee #2: Yeah, me either.
Employee #1: You know, I really only get about 50% out of you each day.
Employee #2: Yeah, that sounds about right. Some days more, some days less. Usually less.
Employee #1: Wouldn’t it be great if I got that 100% out of you, though?
Employee #2: Probably, but I really just don’t feel like it.
901 Warrenville Road
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Recovering Workaholic
Larry’s Talking Through His Ass Again
Worker, entering building and chuckling: I already wiped ya clean one time!
Chesapeake, Virginia
The Best Part Is, It Was a Banana.
Cashier: Since this is a liquidation, all sales are final and there are no returns or exchanges.
Customer: So if something’s wrong with it, I can’t return it?
Cashier: That’s right.
Customer: Okay.
Customer, after item is paid for: So, I can return this if it’s wrong?
Cashier, sighing: You know what? Give it a whirl. Let me know how that goes.
Chicago, Illinois
1PM Lunch
Employee: I have to go to the restroom and grab a bite to eat.
1800 West Loop South
Houston, Texas
The Great Thing About America Is You Can Be Both!
Office lady, slurring speech while talking to herself: I’m not drunk; I’m just realistic.
Elmsford, New York
And the Coolest-Looking Mustaches
Employee: What I don’t understand is, why did god give the bad guys all the oil?
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Government Worker
Hey, Where’d All the White People Go?
African American worker #1: I don’t claim African American. Who is to say I’m not Jamaican or Dominican Republic?
African American worker #2: Are you serious? Look at yourself!
African American worker #1: You can’t make me black!
Hawkinsville, Georgia
