Guy in cubicle on phone: Well, it feels like it's about 3 or 4 inches up in there! No… No. Well, did you see the pictures? Because you can totally see it's all the way up in there!
Oil Company
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Archive for the ‘Employees’ Category
If You People Don't Get Busy, I'm Out Of a Job
Lab worker packing specimens to send to reference lab: Wow! I don't have any gonorrhea or chlamydia today!
Kokomo, Indiana
Why Mr. Benson Got Fired: Explained
Middle aged TA, muttering to computer: Oh, look! It's an anal party!
Middle School
Iowa
Overheard by: former NYer
Huey, Dewey, and Louie Break Into the Money Pit
E-marketing project manager to group of account services team members: They still took your money. They took your money and they rolled around in it with their balls out.
Technology Park
Lake Mary, Florida
Overheard by: Design Goddess
1PM Lunch
Employee #1: Guess what I had for lunch?
Employee #2: Judging from the shit-eating grin on your face I’ll guess you tossed a salad.
9200 West Wisconsin Avenue
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
But You Have to Promise to Only Use the Pizza for Good
Woman: Can you put green peppers and mushrooms on one half and pepperoni on the other?
Pizza Hut guy: Yes, we have the technology to do that.
Beloit, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Truly amazing
In Case You Wondered Why I Just Soiled My Ergonomic Chair
Cube clown: My mother used to do weird stuff when I was growing up. Like, I still sleep with my foot outside the covers, and she used to crawl in on her hands and knees and grab my foot.
Dallas, Texas
If She Hadn't Already Rejected Me
Cube dweller: I hear you got a new person in your department. That should help with the load.
IT geek: Yeah. Too bad she's fat and ugly.
Cube dweller: But you'd fuck her anyway if you got the chance. Right?
IT geek (sighing): Yeah, I probably would.
Woodland Hills, California
Overheard by: Gunboat
Why “Employees Must Wash Hands” Signs Exist
Gay server #1: We’ll be meeting that non-lesbian who looks just like a guy.
Gay server #2: Dibs on her anus.
[pause]Gay server #1: It’s always about the anus with you, isn’t it?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Now It Just Continually Plays the Theme from Jaws
Cubicle dweller on phone: We're all right, but our piano isn't. It's been through some stuff.
Chicago, Illinois