PA: Enema on my laptop once, shame on you. Enema on my laptop twice, shame on me.
San Francisco, California
Archive for the ‘Employees’ Category
But Both Refer to Themselves in the Third Person
Office guy, complaining about his recent camping trip: Bears may do that in the woods, but Alex* does not.
Springdale, Arkansas
So Do I Have the Job or What?
Chick: Sometimes I chew with my mouth open just for effect.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: aireiq
Who the Hell Hired You, Anyway?
Operations manager: What are some of your goals?
New hire: I want to have babies!
Operations manager: Ok… Do you have any goals in regards to your future with our company?
New hire: Sure, I want to do my job right, but I was really just born to have babies.
Dallas Parkway
Dallas
Overheard by: Addy
Sarcasm Is the Working Class’s Weapon Of Choice Against the Bourgeois
Random stranger: Is that the ATM from upstairs?
Worker, hauling ATM down hallway: Yep.
Random stranger: So now I can’t get money upstairs?
Worker: Oh, no. The money’s still there in a pile. Just take what you need.
Bethesda, Maryland
…So How Will We Stay Abreast Of Ongoing Developments?
New employee: Did you say to never schedule a meeting in the cafeteria or the nursing mothers station?
Experienced employee: Never in the nursing mothers station!
New employee: But the cafeteria doesn’t have a phone…
Greenfield, Indiana
We Need More Support Staff
20-something woman: Just when I get my desk cleaned up, someone comes and dumps a pile of bras on it.
36th Street and 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Dear Diary– Told Charlotte How I Feel Today!
Office chick #1: Hey, I like your shoes. Are they new?
Office chick #2: Thanks. I’ve had them for a while. I just haven’t been wearing them.
Office chick #1: They’re kind of low cut.
Office dude: Yeah, I can see a lot of arch. If this was the middle east, I’d totally be raping you right now.
Rancho Cordova, California
Overheard by: Good thing we’re in Cali.
It Helps That He’s a Golden Retriever
Lady peon: I really want to fuck him, but I can’t. I’m trying to be monogamous in my non-relationship relationship.
Club restroom
Anchorage, Alaska
Judging from His Coffee Mug
College secretary: George loved my dip!
College rep: He also likes penis.
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: it’s true
