And You’re Sure That’s Where I Should Be Get­ting Fash­ion Tips?

Man­ag­er: Go home every day and watch Dukes of Haz­zard. Prob­lem solved.

Friend­ly’s Ice Cream
Con­vent Sta­tion, New Jer­sey

Good to Have a Plan

Store clerk to an­oth­er: Next year I’m go­ing to be to­tal­ly not preg­nant and I’m go­ing to get wast­ed!

Rich­land, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: Mac

Well, It’s Ac­tu­al­ly On­ly a Prob­lem for the Ba­by

Re­pair tech: My cus­tomer just called in and told me that his trans-vagi­nal probe is vi­brat­ing.
Cube dweller: And that’s a prob­lem be­cause…?

Pitts­burgh, Penn­syl­va­nia

Some Un­der­cov­er DEA Agents Aren’t Very Sub­tle

Em­ploy­ee to an­oth­er, ar­rang­ing pret­zels on dis­play: You know, you’re sup­posed to hang these straight, but if you hang them crooked they are more tantalizing.…tantalizing like crack.

Birm­ing­ham, Al­aba­ma

Judg­ing from His Cof­fee Mug

Col­lege sec­re­tary: George loved my dip!
Col­lege rep: He al­so likes pe­nis.

Syra­cuse, New York

Over­heard by: it’s true

Hard to Tell, When There Are No New TV Episodes

Pa­tient: What day is to­day?
Staff: To­day is Thurs­day.
Pa­tient: Hm­mm… Is it last Thurs­day?
Staff: No, it’s this Thurs­day.
Pa­tient: Oh.

Psy­chi­atric hos­pi­tal
Tul­sa, Ok­la­homa

Over­heard by: An­oth­er staff mem­ber

Um, Have You Seen the New Temp?

Em­ploy­ee, about to move from a large cu­bi­cle to a much small­er one: It’s like I’m go­ing to be liv­ing in a broth­el!
Cowork­er: I think you mean “slum.”

Col­legeville, Penn­syl­va­nia

He Knows Ex­act­ly Which But­ton to Push, and When

Em­ploy­ee #1: He does­n’t do any­thing, but he makes great pre­sen­ta­tions.
Em­ploy­ee #2: He gives good slide?
Em­ploy­ee #1: Ex­act­ly.

600 Tech­nol­o­gy Park Dri­ve
Bil­ler­i­ca, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Jeff Di­etz

…Why Are You Bend­ing Over?

Old of­fice as­sis­tant: Would you like a rub­ber fin­ger?
Young as­sis­tant: Uhh…
Old of­fice as­sis­tant: I’m go­ing to give you the fin­ger.

Tow­son Uni­ver­si­ty
Mary­land

Who the Hell Hired You, Any­way?

Op­er­a­tions man­ag­er: What are some of your goals?
New hire: I want to have ba­bies!
Op­er­a­tions man­ag­er: Ok… Do you have any goals in re­gards to your fu­ture with our com­pa­ny?
New hire: Sure, I want to do my job right, but I was re­al­ly just born to have ba­bies.

Dal­las Park­way
Dal­las

Over­heard by: Ad­dy