Cubicle rat on phone: I expect a white man to lie to me, not a black guy.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Greg
Archive for the ‘Employees’ Category
Actually, I Was Layering You in Clothes Like a Bag Lady
Worker: I felt like you were undressing me with your eyes and re-dressing me in office casual!
Carrol Avenue
Takoma Park, Maryland
It Has Check Boxes and Fill-in Lines?
Employee on the phone: No, it's just… Well, it's a hermathodite (pause) No! The form, not me.
Ontario
Canadia
But I Still Could Only Get Half-way In
Mechanic: Did you put lube in it?
Customer: I put all the lube in she would take.
1301 Highway 501 East
Conway, South Carolina
Not Improperly Sore, Like I Was in Prison
Manager on phone: How was my day off? Well, I'm properly sore now.
Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Doug's Mom
After Her Last Album’s Failure, Ms. Wilson Went into a Bit of a Slump
Guy: Hey, can you tell me how to get to Billings, Montana?
Desk clerk: Yeah, just go north on 95, then east on 90. That’s the best way to get there.
Guy: Thanks! I just got fired. I’m a carnie. Carnie!
Hillcrest
Moscow, Idaho
Overheard by: They have small hands.
It's Easy to Spot Your Co-Workers Who Were Popular in High School
Cube dweller: Where are my pretzels? I just feel like putting stuff in my mouth.
Scotts Valley, California
Overheard by: Mari
So Why Has It Made Britney So Miserable?
Sweet-natured office chick: I’m starting to realize I’m just a selfish little bitch, and now I’m much, much happier!
Centre Street
New York, New York
If Ever There Were a Need for a Longer Pause…
Cube dweller: Hey Liz*, wanna hear something crazy?
Liz*: Sure.
Cube dweller: That stock I bought is up 900% today.
Liz*: Which stock?
Cube dweller: That gay stock I bought! 900%!
Liz*: Gay stock…?
Cube dweller: Yeah–that gay tv network stock. I knew it! Gay tv, yes!
Liz*: Well, good for you…
Cube dweller: Man, my butt is so sore today…
Warren, Michigan
Overheard by: Your what is sore?!
I’d Fix It Myself, but I’m Heading Out Soon
Young drone: Do you realize that everything you print has the heading ‘Dead’ on it?
Old drone: I wish they’d change that.
441 Lexington Avenue
New York, New York