Assistant manager, about e-mail to customer: Wow, that was so much bullshit I didn’t even know when to stop!
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Archive for the ‘Dumb Bosses’ Category
Are We Done Yet?
Boss: Do you have five minutes so I can talk to you for a sec?
Orlando, Florida
An Hour Later You’ll Want to Watch the News Again
Art director: Is it wrong that I saw something on the news about a triple homicide in Koreatown, now I’m craving Chinese food?
Los Angeles, California
11AM EOY Staff Meeting
Manager: We’re all sharks. Remember, guys.
Employee: Huh? Sharks?
Manager: Yeah, we’re all like sharks. Sharks have to keep moving their whole life or they’ll die. They never stop moving. So keep moving, guys! We’re sharks!
Employee: So basically what you’re saying is that if we stop moving, you’ll kill us all?
208 Chain Lake Drive
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Maybe Those Are Actually the Choices Down in Oz
Boss: Can you help me with this Word document? I want to change it so that the layout is horizontal instead of vertical.
Secretary: Okay, go into File, then Page Setup.
Boss: Yep.
Secretary: You see where it says “Page Source”?
Boss: Yep.
Secretary: Okay. Now you see where it says “Orientation”? Make your choice.
Boss: Gay or straight?
525 Collins Street
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Captain Pants
But That’s “Mom” to You, Buddy
Manager, just after he finishes dialing phone: I’m calling ol’ big tits.
Female voice: Uh, hello?
Manager: Oh… Hi. Who is this?
Female voice, angrily: This is ‘big tits,’ apparently.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
The Kind Amerigo Vespucci Used to Make
Boss: Mmmm! This pizza’s good.
Employee: Oh, yeah. This deep dish one is great.
Boss: Oh, yeah. I saw that one, but it looked too weird to try.
Employee: Yeah, it’s Chicago style.
Boss: Oh, that’s why. I like just good old American-style pizza.
Frost Bank Building
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: dizzle
Welcome to The Office
Boss: From now on, people, we’re going to make Perfection our baseline.
The development team laughs.
Developer: Dude, whatever the fuck you’ve been reading, stop it.
1 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Mad William Flint
First Break the Employee’s Legs, Then Criticize the Way He Walks
GM: How were you days off?
Supervisor: Pretty good. Did some hiking.
GM: How was the conference?
Supervisor: What conference?
GM: I e-mailed you Wednesday about the loss prevention meeting on Thursday morning. I know it was short notice.
Supervisor: Thursday was my day off. Wednesday was my day off. I wasn’t here to check my e-mails.
GM: So you didn’t go to the mandatory meeting?
Supervisor: Um.
GM: You have to check your e-mail every day. No excuses.
Supervisor: I wasn’t here to check my e-mail.
GM: No excuses.
687 12th Street
Gresham, Oregon
Overheard by: I love 50 e-mails a day
4PM Order Crystal Ball
Department Head: I need everyone to let me know a day ahead if they want to use the car and that means whether or not you’ll be late because of traffic.
Worker: But how will we know we are stuck in traffic until we are actually stuck?
Department Head: That’s why I need to know a day ahead of time whether you’ll be late because of traffic.
626 Coronado Terrace
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: james Landry