Manager: Does anyone else hear an ice cream truck?
Office: …
Manager: I need a vacation so bad.
625 Second Street
San Francisco, California
Manager: Does anyone else hear an ice cream truck?
Office: …
Manager: I need a vacation so bad.
625 Second Street
San Francisco, California
Boss to customer: Would you like to try my meat? It tastes just like maple! Ask anyone — they all tried it!
Lee, New Hampshire
Boss: We are a team. If you tell me that you cannot work on your day off, then you are not being a very good team member.
1119 N. Brown
Casa Grande, Arizona
Overheard by: Alisa
Boss on phone: Wait, wait, wait, does your computer have Google on it? Yeah, just type it in there.
1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Stephanie
Boss: Natasha*, is there something wrong?
Natasha: My friend just texted me saying that she’s sitting next to Orlando Bloom.
Boss: Tell him he’s fired if he doesn’t get here in five minutes.
Employee #2: Boss, he’s an actor.
Boss: I don’t give a rat’s ass what he aspires to be. I emailed everyone yesterday saying that this meeting was very important.
Natasha: Mr. Jones*, he’s a Hollywood actor. He doesn’t work—
Boss, very angry: —I see. That’s what he says, huh? He’s fired then!
Employee #2: Seriously, Boss, he doesn’t work here. He is just an actor who happened to sit next to Natasha’s friend.
Boss: So how the fuck do you dare to interrupt my meeting with some bullshit talk on a psycho employee who thinks he’s in Hollywood?!
270 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: working for an oblivious boss
Boss: So, uh, essentially, this meeting is about a meeting we’re going to have. Sometime.
375 Hudson Street
New York, NY
Jeff*: Liz*, can you come here?
Liz: Are you going to fire me?
Jeff: I can’t — you’re my supervisor.
Liz: What? No, I’m not. You’re my supervisor.
Jeff: …But if I’m your supervisor, and you’re my supervisor, which one of us is really in charge?
Liz: That depends… If it’s you, are you going to fire me?
Jeff: No.
Liz: Then it’s you.
Jeff: Awesome.
6105 Oakleaf Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Boss: So what school did you go to again?
Worker: The University of Illinois.
Boss: Right…that’s an Ivy League school, right?
Worker: (stunned silence)
Boston, Massachusetts
Employee: Can I help you?
Customer: Hi. Yes, may I have a turkey artichoke panini?
Employee: No.
Customer: No?
Employee: No. We don’t have those.
Customer: But it’s right there on your board. Do you mean you ran out of them today?
Employee: Yeah, that’s what I said. Order the other turkey sandwich, it’s exactly the same.
Customer: Actually I think I’ll just have a salad.
Employee: I’ll be right back. [Goes in back room.]Employee: Did you hear what I just said back there?
Customer: Ummm… No.
Employee: Good. I mean, cause it wasn’t about you.
Customer: Ok…
Panera Bread Co.
Tysons Corner, Virginia
CEO: It’s like the dog and the tail. The tail is the reward and happiness. The dog is how you get there, the hard work.
460 Phillip Street
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist