Yuppie analyst #1: Dude, that girl you took home last night was maybe a 3.
Yuppie analyst #2: I mean…it was my birthday, I had way too much to drink, I… (pauses) You're right…no excuses…she was a total farm animal.
New York City, New York
Archive for the ‘Drinking’ Category
Pop Quiz: Which of These Statements Is True About Elvis?
Boss on phone: That’s what I’m saying! He’s had his beer, he’s had his Vegas, he’s a Muslim, and I’m going to hell.
1st Street
Los Angeles, California
Having Snookie As a Co-worker Is No Piece Of Cake
Female HR manager: I got so drunk last night, I slept in just my socks!
Disinterested female coworker: Ummm, good for you?
Female HR manager: It's one of my levels of drunkenness. It means I'm really drunk.
Disinterested female coworker: Okay.
Female HR manager: You know why I picked this long dress to wear today?
Disinterested female coworker: Ummm, no, why?
Female HR manager, proudly: Because I could skip the underwear!
Horrified female coworker: (silence)
Female HR manager: I think I might still be drunk.
Horrified female coworker: I'm starting to wish I was.
Great Valley, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: everybody has their freak flag
Your Soda's Probably Gay, Honey
Oblivious female coworker trying to drink soda through a straw: I think it's broken. I keep sucking and sucking, but nothing comes out.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
The Masai Start Buying Up Manhattan Businesses
Employee on phone: What did you say? I'm not going to drink the blood of a cow!
New York City, New York
I Suggest You Switch to Diet Pepsi
Office Mormon to guy drinking beer at dinner: Dude, you're so drunk.
Drinker: I don't tell you what it's like to be Mormon, so you don't tell me what it's like to be drunk.
Honolulu, Hawaii
…Who Says I'm Not Management Material?
Cubicle dweller to another: We should have carpooled in together today so that you could drive me home drunk.
Dallas, Texas
It's a Lucky Drunk Who Has Not Just an Enabler, but a Cheerleader
Tourist woman: You know, honey, you should drink more. We're at a high elevation. You don't drink enough.
Visibly drunk tourist man: What are you talking about? I drink all the time! I drink a ton. I was just drinking… It's just not water.
Old Faithful Village
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming
Overheard by: a ranger who is wondering why she works here
Just Be Discreet: Here's a Straw
Phone monkey to supervisor getting beer out of bag: So, can I drink this at my desk or do I have to go outside?
Government Call Centre
Canberra
Australia
…Who Can Multitask Like That??
Boss, on phone: What do you expect them to do? (pause) Drink and have sex?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: joe marks