Patient: I’m worried about this birthmark.
Doctor: Birthmark, you say? How long have you had it?
Portland, Oregon
Archive for the ‘Doctors’ Category
I Have the Brain Injury; It Doesn’t Have Me
Very upset patient to patient coordinator: People think that because I have a severe brain injury I don’t know what I am talking about.
Atlanta, Georgia
Lack of Motor Skills Is My Anti-Drug
Pediatrician to screaming addicted newborn: Oh, you poor thing, are you jonesin’ for some crack?
NICU
Jacksonville, Florida
Mistake? What Were You Trying to Do?
Psychiatrist: I once made the mistake of taking a cat in the shower with me.
Elizabeth, New Jersey
Overheard by: invisi-tern
1PM Lunch
Doctor #1: I always say, “Carrots are like sandpaper for the colon.”
Doctor #2: Yeah, see, most people I know just eat them.
1500 East Medical Center Drive
Ann Arbor, Michigan
They’ll Never Guess You’re Tara Reid Just by Looking at You
Doctor, to patient: Well, if you just don’t tell them who you are, you won’t have that problem.
7950 West Mississippi Avenue
Lakewood, Colorado
Overheard by: LAP
Any Other Dreams I Can Crush Before Lunch?
Secretary #1: Is your boyfriend coming for Christmas?
Secretary #2: Yeah! He’s in med school in Seattle studying to be an ER doc, so I don’t get to see him much.
Female doctor, just coming into room: Them! Don’t get me started on ER docs!
Secretary #1: Oh?
Doctor: They can’t keep their pants on–and the married ones are worse!
Albany General Hosptial
Albany, Oregon
But I Play One on TV
M.D. #1: Hey, look! They named their kid Babygirl!
M.D. #2: No way, that’s hilarious!
Janitor: Actually, it just means they haven’t named their child yet and that it’s a baby girl.
M.D. #1: Are you a doctor?
M.D. #2: I bet he’s not even a doctor.
Janitor: [walks away]
GroupHealth Cooperative
Lacey, Washington
Overheard by: lauren
Her Name Is RuPaul
Client with sick dog: I need to see the veterinarian on duty because my dog isn’t feeling well.
Veterinarian receptionist: Is your dog a male or female?
Client with sick dog: She’s a male.
Wooster, Ohio
Overheard by: netty
Which Almost Explains the French Maid Uniform
Female patient: I just noticed your ID badge. That’s a great picture of you.
Paramedic: Oh, yeah, thank you. You should see my driver’s license photo. I wore a priest’s outfit for that one.
6500 Excelsior Boulevard
St. Louis Park, Minnesota
Overheard by: Rod Backer
