Office worker #1: I’m so damn hungry, I need real food.
Office worker #2: Yeah, I can imagine that liquid diet wouldn’t be too filling or satisfying.
Office worker #2: I feel like I’m an African refugee.
Chantilly, Virginia
Archive for the ‘Diet & Weight’ Category
3PM Smoke Break
Co-worker: My fiance and I are going to LA this weekend, and I’m trying to lose a pound or two before then so my friends don’t think I’m pregnant.
1600 Amphitheatre Parkway
Mountain View, California
12PM Lunch
Attorney’s wife: I’m getting so fat.
Attorney: You’re not fat.
Attorney’s wife: Aw, well…
Attorney interrupts: You’re old. You just look fat.
319 West Woodlawn Avenue
Louisville, Kentucky
Anyone Else Just Get the Tremendous Urge to Watch Goonies?
Tubby manager: I need to lose some weight.
Blunt manager: How about you quit eating like a twelve-year-old whose parents aren’t home from work yet, chunk-style?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Bob’s Retirement Necessitated the Jaws Of Life
Loud guy from corner cubicle: You will just never believe this, I am the heaviest I have been in my entire life. That’s what working here for ten years will do to you.
Quiet woman who shares cubicle: Well, at least you know you won’t blow away.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: not that heavy
First They Came for the Trans-Fats and I Didn’t Speak up
Writer: ‘Portly’ sounds cute. Sounds like a nice, bald, fat man in a three-piece suit.
Designer: ‘Portly’ sounds like someone with grease stains on their shirt from dropping a piece of chicken.
Writer: That’s not ‘portly!’ That’s obese!
Designer: What’s the difference?
Writer: Obese is like those Subway ads before Jared lost his weight. When he was all wild-eyed and savage. Clothes all stretched out, nothing laundered, brimming with Big Macs and Crisco sandwhiches.
Designer: They should outlaw Crisco. Just straight out make it a crime.
Writer: Yeah.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
A Beachball With Eyes
Administrator (filling water bottle at cooler): Hey.
Office worker (walking by): Hey.
Administrator: How are you?
Office worker: Good.
Administrator: How is the baby?
Office worker: Fat.
Hanover Square
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Mr. Uncreative
5PM That’s a Wrap
Supervisor: Marlene*, I’m stuck in my chair again.
10105 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Street North
St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: Michael John
I Work Here?
Lauren*: So I went on this diet and I was eating cream of mushroom soup. And I thought, “wow, this is awfully thick. It’s like pudding!” Then I realized you’re supposed to put water in it.
Boss: Jesus Christ, Lauren*!
Lauren*: I know, right?
Boss: Why did we hire you again?
Fontana, California
Overheard by: Aeirlys
As I’ll Tell People in Our Wedding Toast
Office worker on phone: She squeezed my ass this time but I did get a kiss…when you’ve got 250 pounds of Wisconsin looming at ya, your options are limited, all you can do is brace for the impact!
Sterling, Virginia
Overheard by: Scandalized Receptionist
