Archive for the ‘Diet & Weight’ Category

I Did­n’t Have Any Re­al Ap­ples, So I Used Ball Bear­ings

Sales guy: I made a pie once.
As­sis­tant: Okay, I bite. What kind of pie did you make?
Sales guy: An ap­ple one.
As­sis­tant: Did it come out of a box?
Sales guy: No, I made it. All by my­self. But it was re­al­ly heavy. It must have been about ten pounds. I think I was stoned. This was back in like 1972… I just re­mem­ber it was re­al­ly heavy. I think it was about four inch­es thick.

Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

3PM Smoke Break

Co-work­er: My fi­ance and I are go­ing to LA this week­end, and I’m try­ing to lose a pound or two be­fore then so my friends don’t think I’m preg­nant.

1600 Am­phithe­atre Park­way
Moun­tain View, Cal­i­for­nia

First They Came for the Trans-Fats and I Did­n’t Speak up

Writer: ‘Port­ly’ sounds cute. Sounds like a nice, bald, fat man in a three-piece suit.
De­sign­er: ‘Port­ly’ sounds like some­one with grease stains on their shirt from drop­ping a piece of chick­en.
Writer: That’s not ‘port­ly!’ That’s obese!
De­sign­er: What’s the dif­fer­ence?
Writer: Obese is like those Sub­way ads be­fore Jared lost his weight. When he was all wild-eyed and sav­age. Clothes all stretched out, noth­ing laun­dered, brim­ming with Big Macs and Crisco sand­which­es.
De­sign­er: They should out­law Crisco. Just straight out make it a crime.
Writer: Yeah.

16340 North Scotts­dale Road
Scotts­dale, Ari­zona