Archive for the ‘Death’ Category

I Tried Veering the Car, But My Husband Kept Straightening the Wheel

Coworker #1, as coworker #2 comes in late: Oh, hi! I thought you were in a ditch or something.
Coworker #2: Ooh, I wish!

5^th Avenue
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Devil Spanker

…So Looks Like You’ve Got Egg on Your Face.

Editor: I don’t think the parallel between origami and dead chicken is made well enough.

Austin, Texas

Is He the Same One Whose Stomach Exploded from Pop Rocks and Soda?

Chubby secretary: So, my friend from college was roommates with this guy who went to high school with this girl whose brother was eaten by Jeffrey Dahmer!
Friend: Oh my god! You could have been killed!

Tampa, Florida

And She Was Rockin’ the Raccoon Eye Makeup

Male worker: She’s off, her mother just died.
Female worker: Yeah, her hair looked great today.

Deli
New Jersey

Overheard by: waiting in line

Had To – Soiled Myself

Minister: At least I know where I’m going when I die… Heaven.
Drunk worker: Yeah, I’m going there too.
Minister: You gotta change first.
Drunk worker: I know, I just did…

Jacksonville, Florida

Overheard by: Derrick McClure

And Susan Was Maimed. Isn’t That Great?

Boss: I wouldn’t even be able to kill myself right today. I’d screw it up.
Employee: If it makes you feel better I knocked myself unconscious this weekend.
Boss: Yeah, actually, it does.

323 East Grand River
Howell, Michigan

Overheard by: Pam Beasley

3PM Cigarette Break

Admin: Hey, Simon Wiesenthal died! Who’s he?
Suit: Oh, he hunted Nazis or something. Cool!
Admin: Cool that he died?
Suit: Cool that he’s in my dead pool!

1600 Broadway
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: C. O’ntracter