Admin, looking up from newspaper and greeting guest: Hello, Mr Blue. Please have a seat, director Green will be right with you.
Mr Blue: You know, if you were my employee and you were reading the paper at your desk, I would fire you.
Admin: If I were your employee, I would kill myself.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Civil Servant
Associate attorney to boss: Hey! You're smiling! You must've killed a client!
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: The Receptionist Hears the Darndest Things
Boss to intern: If I have to shoot you, I'm gonna shoot you.
Manhattan, New York
Manager handing name tag to an employee: These are the old name tags. We ordered new ones, but the courier who was delivering them fell off the train and died.
Ramat Gan
Israel
Overheard by: ayala
Crazy coworker: I like to think that when we die, we don't go to heaven but we go to our favorite decade.
Government Office
Washington, DC
Worker: *Liam was great, I didn’t want any fucking sympathy and he just got on it with it. I hated my fucking father anyway.
Co-worker: Good.
Worker: I mean I only went to his fucking funeral to make sure the cunt was dead… And to spit on his grave. You know? But *Alan got two and a half days for his fucking mother in law.
Co-worker: Yeah?
Worker: Yeah. I mean I hated the bastard but I still get my three days right?
Co-worker: Right.
DWP
Bathgate
Scotland
Art director: Is it wrong that I saw something on the news about a triple homicide in Koreatown, now I’m craving Chinese food?
Los Angeles, California
Manager: “…I was forced to take a year off work to look after my sick mother. She’s dead now so problem over.”
33 Paradise Road
Richmond, Surrey
UK
Boss: I’m pretty much unavailable all afternoon since I have to go to the funeral, but if you really need me, you can call me between the church and the cemetary.
Boston, Massachusetts
Manager: We’re all sharks. Remember, guys.
Employee: Huh? Sharks?
Manager: Yeah, we’re all like sharks. Sharks have to keep moving their whole life or they’ll die. They never stop moving. So keep moving, guys! We’re sharks!
Employee: So basically what you’re saying is that if we stop moving, you’ll kill us all?
208 Chain Lake Drive
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia