3PM In the Graph­ics Pool

Cowork­er: If you’re gonna do it, do it hard so I can’t breathe.

113 East Car­roll Street
Sal­is­bury, Mary­land

Crazy Cowork­ers, Rep­re­sent!

Crazy cowork­er: I like to think that when we die, we don’t go to heav­en but we go to our fa­vorite decade.

Gov­ern­ment Of­fice
Wash­ing­ton, DC

4PM Smoke Break

Male cowork­er: There’s noth­ing worse than feel­ing not-so-fresh when you have a doc­tor be­tween your legs.
Fe­male cowork­er just walk­ing in­to the con­ver­sa­tion: Huh?

200 Con­sti­tu­tion Av­enue
Wash­ing­ton, DC

How De­press­ing!

Loud cube drone: It hap­pened again!
Friend: What?
Loud cube drone: I could­n’t sleep!
Friend: Oh no, what did you do?
Loud cube drone: Well, I did­n’t do any­thing this time. Usu­al­ly I would just take one of those sleep­ing pills, like Zoloft, the ones I usu­al­ly take…

Wash­ing­ton, DC

If You Don’t Be­lieve Me, Check Out the Mag­a­zines in My Desk.

Ex­ec #1: Should we of­fer 5gb or 25gb pack­ages?
Ex­ec #2: I am in fa­vor of larg­er pack­ages…

Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Slo­mo­jam­ma

2PM Rais­ing Head­count

Re­cruiter for aid pro­grams in Afghanistan: I talked with one Mark John­son* — an 82-year-old WWII vet. He does­n’t hear well, but would love to see some com­bat. I told him that I would see what we could arrange.
Man­ag­er: Um­mm…
Re­cruiter: Dude, sar­casm?

7250 Wood­mont Av­enue
Bethes­da, Mary­land

How to Get a Car­rot on­to a Plane

Fe­male em­ploy­ee: Can I stick my hand in there with­out get­ting HIV?
Male em­ploy­ee: Yeah, but you might pull out a car­rot or two.

De­part­ment of Home­land Se­cu­ri­ty
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Cube around the cor­ner

Ever Since That Dis­fig­ur­ing Ac­ci­dent She’s Been Such a Self­ish Bitch

Bank cowork­er: When she came in this morn­ing, she did­n’t even have her eye in. She could have at least worn some sun­glass­es or some­thing.

May­bank High­way
Johns Is­land, South Car­oli­na

All I Want Is a Hand-Turkey for Thanks­giv­ing. What Do I Get? Two Lousy Short Sto­ries about Pil­grims!

Man­ag­er #1: My kids SUCK at arts and crafts.
Man­ag­er #2: No glit­ter? No glue? No mac­a­roni or pop­si­cle sticks?
Man­ag­er #1: Holy shit, no. They are the epit­o­me of suck.

West Irv­ing Park Road
Roselle, Illi­nois

11AM Re­search

Staffer work­ing on Pa­tri­ot Act: Pow­er is al­ways abused; we were putting the Japan­ese in in­ter­mit­tent camps in the thir­ties dur­ing World War I.

Dirk­sen Sen­ate Of­fice Build­ing
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: In­tern