Crazy coworker: I like to think that when we die, we don't go to heaven but we go to our favorite decade.
Government Office
Washington, DC
Archive for the ‘DC and Mid-Atlantic’ Category
4PM Smoke Break
Male coworker: There’s nothing worse than feeling not-so-fresh when you have a doctor between your legs.
Female coworker just walking into the conversation: Huh?
200 Constitution Avenue
Washington, DC
How Depressing!
Loud cube drone: It happened again!
Friend: What?
Loud cube drone: I couldn't sleep!
Friend: Oh no, what did you do?
Loud cube drone: Well, I didn't do anything this time. Usually I would just take one of those sleeping pills, like Zoloft, the ones I usually take…
Washington, DC
If You Don't Believe Me, Check Out the Magazines in My Desk.
Exec #1: Should we offer 5gb or 25gb packages?
Exec #2: I am in favor of larger packages…
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Slomojamma
2PM Raising Headcount
Recruiter for aid programs in Afghanistan: I talked with one Mark Johnson* — an 82-year-old WWII vet. He doesn’t hear well, but would love to see some combat. I told him that I would see what we could arrange.
Manager: Ummm…
Recruiter: Dude, sarcasm?
7250 Woodmont Avenue
Bethesda, Maryland
How to Get a Carrot onto a Plane
Female employee: Can I stick my hand in there without getting HIV?
Male employee: Yeah, but you might pull out a carrot or two.
Department of Homeland Security
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Cube around the corner
Ever Since That Disfiguring Accident She’s Been Such a Selfish Bitch
Bank coworker: When she came in this morning, she didn’t even have her eye in. She could have at least worn some sunglasses or something.
Maybank Highway
Johns Island, South Carolina
All I Want Is a Hand-Turkey for Thanksgiving. What Do I Get? Two Lousy Short Stories about Pilgrims!
Manager #1: My kids SUCK at arts and crafts.
Manager #2: No glitter? No glue? No macaroni or popsicle sticks?
Manager #1: Holy shit, no. They are the epitome of suck.
West Irving Park Road
Roselle, Illinois
11AM Research
Staffer working on Patriot Act: Power is always abused; we were putting the Japanese in intermittent camps in the thirties during World War I.
Dirksen Senate Office Building
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Intern
4PM Technical Meltdown
Boss on phone: I just want a human beeeeeeing! Bahhh! Why can’t I just have a human being?…Oh thank god!Finally! A human being! Wait, you are a human being, right?…You haven’t gotten this before?
2810 Blaine Drive
Chevy Chase, Maryland