Bewildered call agent: No, ma’am, “Seattle” is not spelled with a “c,” if it were it would sound like… “cattle.”
Yakima, Washington
Overheard by: Moooo
Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category
I’m Not Quite Following You…
Bank teller: Ma’am, from now on if you want your balance you’ll need to request it.
Customer: How do I request it?
Bank teller: Well, ma’am, you just ask me for it.
Houston, Texas
After Emptying the Register, the Robbers Attempted to Unsuccessfully Masquerade as Employees
Employee: Can I help you?
Customer: Hi. Yes, may I have a turkey artichoke panini?
Employee: No.
Customer: No?
Employee: No. We don’t have those.
Customer: But it’s right there on your board. Do you mean you ran out of them today?
Employee: Yeah, that’s what I said. Order the other turkey sandwich, it’s exactly the same.
Customer: Actually I think I’ll just have a salad.
Employee: I’ll be right back. [Goes in back room.]Employee: Did you hear what I just said back there?
Customer: Ummm… No.
Employee: Good. I mean, cause it wasn’t about you.
Customer: Ok…
Panera Bread Co.
Tysons Corner, Virginia
The Clerk Used to Work at Starbucks
Customer: I need to get a dozen and a half, mixed.
Clerk, counting on her day-glo orange fingernails: It’d be cheaper if you got 18.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Clerk: ten cents.
Smirking customer: Ok, I’ll take 18.
Dunkin’ Donuts
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: are u kidding me?
Like, Did He Twirl His Mustache and Cackle?
Secretary to irate victim on the phone: Well, ma’am, perhaps it would help if you could remember the name of the prosecutor who handled your case…
Irate victim: Well… I don’t remember his name, but I can tell you he was the meanest son of a bitch in that office!
Secretary, sighing: Ma’am, I’m afraid you’re going to have to be much more specific than that.
Virginia
Overheard by: Nice Little Lemur Girl
Just Like I Say to My Husband on Very Special Nights
Barista handing toast to customer: You’re all buttered up and ready to rock and roll!
Redlands, California
Overheard by: snotting_espresso
Was That a Threat, Ma’am?
Guard to woman, as metal detector beeps at her: Please step over here, ma’am.
Woman: I don’t carry sharp objects on me…except my wit.
Guard: Please.
LAX Security Check-In
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: 2Aron
In Totally Unrelated News, I’d Like to Request Maid Service
85-year-old client: I’ve been sick all morning but I’ll tell you what: the best way to cure diarrhea is by drinking wine!
Sales manager on phone: Oh… Um… Really?
Hotel
Dulles, Virginia
Overheard by: Rather Disgusted
Theirs All Goes for, Like, Essentials or Something
Bridezilla-to-be on cell in lounge: … Yeah, but, like, his family is just so different than ours, Mom! They’re lower class and aren’t used to spending a lot of money on stuff like that!
Insurance company
Grand Rapids, Michigan
And Location Independent!
Employee on phone: I was just calling to confirm that we can show your house all this weekend. I know you don’t usually show on Saturdays, but since you’ll be out of town for the weekend, can we show on Saturday also?
Eccentric homeowner: Oh, no! The Sabbath is for eternity!
Real estate office
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: K the Amazing Receptionist
