Woman ordering: Guess what I want today!
Sandwich guy: The usual?
Woman ordering, completely seriously: Yeah, except I’m going to change a few things up. Like…the bread and the stuff on it, ya know?
Cafeteria
Horsham, Pennsylvania
Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category
I Was Like, “Shoot!”
Lawyer to client: I have a concealed handgun license. I used to carry my gun with me all the time, but then I found out it’s illegal to carry a weapon and be intoxicated.
Guadalupe Street
Austin, Texas
1PM Customer Visit
Customer: I don’t understand why you can’t keep up with production.
Program manager: You aren’t following the rules. You are running twice the daily quoted volumes.
Customer: But we are still under the yearly volumes. You just need to plan better.
Program manager: I can’t just shit capacity out of my ass!
5540 Parque Industrial
Ciudad Juarez, Mexico
The Customer Is Always Right
Customer: I don’t know if I should get the two years subscription, I might not live that long.
Employee: How old are you?
Customer: 68.
Employee: Well, Tom*, that’s a crapshoot.
Harrisburg, North Carolina
Then What Are Those in That Bowl on Your Desk?
Client: Is your service free?
Salesman: No. Well, I guess it could be, but we don’t live in the land of lollipops and candy canes.
Provo, Utah
Overheard by: Chris Lumo
A Little Something Extra on the Meat-Lover’s Pizza, Ma’am
Employee #1: Yeah, it was a great porno. Yeah, she was all up on his taint. The taint. You know the part between the meat and the hole? Yeah, that.
Employee #2, on the phone with customer: (cringe)
Customer on phone: Excuse me…
Employee #2: Umm, yes ma’am?
Customer: Was that man talking about balls?
Pizza Place
Long Island, New York
It’s All About Scheduling, Yo
Counter girl: Did I tell you I almost got locked up last night?
Male customer: Fo’ what?
Counter girl: I took my homegirl’s car and rode over to my baby daddy’s momma house. Po-lice got me going through a light. I was like, “Shit, man, I got weed and a rock in my joint, and my shit’s suspended, yo.“
Male customer: That’s some Cops shit, girl!
Girl: Fo’ reals…But I worked my way out with a warning, got my baby, went home, and smoked that shit.
11th Street & F Street
Washington, DC
Overheard by: suddenly not hungry
I Got My Medicine in Ten Minutes But I Was Just Too Mesmerized to Leave
Customer #1 (sitting in waiting area waiting for prescription for 40 minutes): (cough cough hack hack wheeze)
Customer #2: Oh, you sound awful, I hope you haven’t been waiting long.
Customer #1: I’ve been here for almost an hour watching the dance of the dipshits that’s going on behind the counter.
Customer #2: There’s entertainment now?
CVS Pharmacy
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
It’s a Supernatural Three’s Company
Coworker: How many people in your household?
Client: 3 souls and 1 body.
Duluth, Minnesota
But I Kinda Like It When My Computer Goes Down on Me
Male computer tech to male computer user: Hey, if you let me get between you legs I can fix that issue.
Las Vegas, Nevada
