Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category

I’d Like to Buy a New Pol­i­cy, and Then Can­cel It

Cus­tomer: Why did my pol­i­cy can­cel?
Sec­re­tary: For non-pay­ment, sir.
Cus­tomer: But I nev­er got a bill.
Sec­re­tary: You mean, the one you hand­ed me when you walked in with a due date of Jan­u­ary 30th*?
Cus­tomer: Yes, that bill.
Sec­re­tary: It would­n’t have can­celed if you had paid this bill, sir.
Cus­tomer: Well, I’m not go­ing to re­new that pol­i­cy, then…
Sec­re­tary: There is noth­ing to re­new, sir — it can­celed for non-pay­ment!

977 Yad­kinville Road
Mocksville, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Karen

…Just Ask Our Pres­i­dent.

Caller: I am call­ing about a claim that was de­nied last week.
In­sur­ance cus­tomer ser­vice: Which claim is that, ma’am?
Caller: The one from my doc­tor’s vis­it while we were in Hawaii.
In­sur­ance cus­tomer ser­vice: Well, ma’am, your pol­i­cy does­n’t cov­er in­ter­na­tion­al med­ical claims–so your doc­tor’s vis­it in Hawaii would­n’t be cov­ered.

Den­ver, Col­orado

Would­n’t Stop Dri­ving My Hot Rod Lin­coln

Woman: I’d like to pay my cell phone bill, but it’s in my son’s name and I don’t have the pass­word to see it on­line. So, I need to know how much it is.
Em­ploy­ee: You can’t pay it with­out his au­tho­riza­tion. I can’t tell you how much it is.
Woman: He can’t au­tho­rize any­thing, he’s in­car­cer­at­ed.
Em­ploy­ee: Well, we’ll need a copy of the obit­u­ary or the death cer­tifi­cate.
Woman: What? He’s in­car­cer­at­ed! [pause] He’s in jail.
Em­ploy­ee: Oh.

Fred­er­ick, Mary­land

A Lit­tle Some­thing Ex­tra on the Meat-Lover’s Piz­za, Ma’am

Em­ploy­ee #1: Yeah, it was a great porno. Yeah, she was all up on his taint. The taint. You know the part be­tween the meat and the hole? Yeah, that.
Em­ploy­ee #2, on the phone with cus­tomer: (cringe)
Cus­tomer on phone: Ex­cuse me…
Em­ploy­ee #2: Umm, yes ma’am?
Cus­tomer: Was that man talk­ing about balls?

Piz­za Place
Long Is­land, New York