Mechanic: Did you put lube in it?
Customer: I put all the lube in she would take.
1301 Highway 501 East
Conway, South Carolina
Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category
It's a New Orleans Thing, Dear Reader
Operator setting up auto claim with customer on phone: Sir, I'm so sorry your car got stolen today. At least you babies and CDs are fine. I think you need to git you some whiskey to calm you down. Or just do what I do to calm myself down, cheer! “Who dat! Who dat! Who dat! Yayayayayaya! Who dat!”
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Wish I had my MP3 player today
But We Play a Mean Accordian
Customer to toddler: Son, you’ve just learned a valuable lesson that you can use in life — the men in your family don’t dance.
6230 East Speedway Boulevard
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Employee
Think Of Your Computer As a Chick at a Bar…
CSR, on phone with customer: I'm sorry, but that's not a confirmation code. That's the word “denied.”
Bryan, Texas
Overheard by: Jax
We Reserve the Right to Refuse Service to Everyone
Customer: I think you're making that up.
Employee: I think you're trespassing.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
“…here, I filled this pen with blood for you.”
Client: I didn’t read this contract yet
Lawyer: I didn’t read it either. But you can just go ahead and sign it.
200 Park Avenue
New York, New York
10AM Meeting with Client
Senior Director: Well, I hate to tell you this, but we’re going to be a week late with your report.
Client on speaker: You fuckin’ serious? The fuck you doing over there? Writing this thing in pen? Sanskrit? The fuck, man?
Senior Director: Actually, I’m chipping it away in stone…hey, don’t you worry about how I’m writing this fucking report! You’ll get it in a week. Who the fuck are you to give me an attitude
Client: Fuck you! Hurry the fuck up! We’re paying your ass, so you should be nice to me!
Senior Director: Kiss my ass!…cock eyed fuck! By the way, how is the wife doing?
51 W. 52nd Street
New York, NY
Thanks, John
Elderly customer to account rep/receptionist: You are my favorite call girl.
Bourbonnais, Illinois
4PM Meeting with the Brits
Client: I measured it, it was 4 centimetres!
Salesman: What’s that in millimetres?
Client: Did you even go to school?
297 Munster Road
Fulham, London
UK
Overheard by: Marshall
2PM Routine Transaction
Teller: Sir, can you please send in your ID since you want to cash this check
Customer: Well, there’s a problem. I lost my ID, but I can give you my social security number, birthday, and even tell you the last several transactions on my account to verify.
Teller: Ok, what’s your birthday and social?
Customer: [gives information]
Teller: Ok, what were the last three charges on your account?
Customer: [gives information]
Teller: So…what’s this $450 charge Passion Parties?
Customer: [Laughter] Uh, that’s something my wife is involved in.
730 Adkins Boulevard
Jackson, Mississippi
Overheard by: Nathan Best