Client: I didn’t read this contract yet
Lawyer: I didn’t read it either. But you can just go ahead and sign it.
200 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category
10AM Meeting with Client
Senior Director: Well, I hate to tell you this, but we’re going to be a week late with your report.
Client on speaker: You fuckin’ serious? The fuck you doing over there? Writing this thing in pen? Sanskrit? The fuck, man?
Senior Director: Actually, I’m chipping it away in stone…hey, don’t you worry about how I’m writing this fucking report! You’ll get it in a week. Who the fuck are you to give me an attitude
Client: Fuck you! Hurry the fuck up! We’re paying your ass, so you should be nice to me!
Senior Director: Kiss my ass!…cock eyed fuck! By the way, how is the wife doing?
51 W. 52nd Street
New York, NY
Thanks, John
Elderly customer to account rep/receptionist: You are my favorite call girl.
Bourbonnais, Illinois
4PM Meeting with the Brits
Client: I measured it, it was 4 centimetres!
Salesman: What’s that in millimetres?
Client: Did you even go to school?
297 Munster Road
Fulham, London
UK
Overheard by: Marshall
2PM Routine Transaction
Teller: Sir, can you please send in your ID since you want to cash this check
Customer: Well, there’s a problem. I lost my ID, but I can give you my social security number, birthday, and even tell you the last several transactions on my account to verify.
Teller: Ok, what’s your birthday and social?
Customer: [gives information]
Teller: Ok, what were the last three charges on your account?
Customer: [gives information]
Teller: So…what’s this $450 charge Passion Parties?
Customer: [Laughter] Uh, that’s something my wife is involved in.
730 Adkins Boulevard
Jackson, Mississippi
Overheard by: Nathan Best
On the Plus Side, I Have a Place to Put My Bowl Of Cereal in the Mornings
Sales girl: We have a sale on sports bras!
Largely endowed woman: I can't wear sports bras. They make me look like I have a uniboob.
Texas
Overheard by: silentinthecorner
At the Bad Pick-Up Line Quarterfinals
Client: There are a lot of things you can eat that aren’t food.
Photo studio
Culver City, California
…Mr. Gigantor
Salesmen on phone with client: I did steroids in college, so I understand where you're coming from.
Plymouth, Massachusetts
No, You’ve Just Got Those Little Wings on Your Lapel
Customer: By chance, was your mom a flight attendant?
Employee: Why, do you think you’re my dad?
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: Still laughing now
Her Name Is RuPaul
Client with sick dog: I need to see the veterinarian on duty because my dog isn't feeling well.
Veterinarian receptionist: Is your dog a male or female?
Client with sick dog: She's a male.
Wooster, Ohio
Overheard by: netty