Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category

…Just Ask Our Pres­i­dent.

Caller: I am call­ing about a claim that was de­nied last week.
In­sur­ance cus­tomer ser­vice: Which claim is that, ma’am?
Caller: The one from my doc­tor’s vis­it while we were in Hawaii.
In­sur­ance cus­tomer ser­vice: Well, ma’am, your pol­i­cy does­n’t cov­er in­ter­na­tion­al med­ical claims–so your doc­tor’s vis­it in Hawaii would­n’t be cov­ered.

Den­ver, Col­orado

Would­n’t Stop Dri­ving My Hot Rod Lin­coln

Woman: I’d like to pay my cell phone bill, but it’s in my son’s name and I don’t have the pass­word to see it on­line. So, I need to know how much it is.
Em­ploy­ee: You can’t pay it with­out his au­tho­riza­tion. I can’t tell you how much it is.
Woman: He can’t au­tho­rize any­thing, he’s in­car­cer­at­ed.
Em­ploy­ee: Well, we’ll need a copy of the obit­u­ary or the death cer­tifi­cate.
Woman: What? He’s in­car­cer­at­ed! [pause] He’s in jail.
Em­ploy­ee: Oh.

Fred­er­ick, Mary­land

A Lit­tle Some­thing Ex­tra on the Meat-Lover’s Piz­za, Ma’am

Em­ploy­ee #1: Yeah, it was a great porno. Yeah, she was all up on his taint. The taint. You know the part be­tween the meat and the hole? Yeah, that.
Em­ploy­ee #2, on the phone with cus­tomer: (cringe)
Cus­tomer on phone: Ex­cuse me…
Em­ploy­ee #2: Umm, yes ma’am?
Cus­tomer: Was that man talk­ing about balls?

Piz­za Place
Long Is­land, New York

2PM Client Meet­ing

Lawyer on phone: I don’t care what you want to do, just file the fuck­ing re­port! Shut the fuck up and file the fuck­ing thing!
Client: Yikes.
Sec­re­tary: He’s yelling at his oth­er sec­re­tary.
Client: …Yeah, but–
Lawyer: I said file the fuck­ing thing!
Sec­re­tary: It’s okay. She’s al­so his wife.

430 West First Street
New Al­bany, In­di­ana