Elderly female customer: I do miss my husband, you know? I had to have him cremated after he fell out of bed.
London
England
Overheard by: Badger
Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category
Why Sesame Street Exists: Explained.
Client: Is that a square or an oval?
Boss: Um… Square…?
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
That’s England’s Married Name
Manager: This plug adapter is for taking something to the UK.
Woman: I don’t know what the UK is. I’m going to England, not the UK.
Pleasanton, California
Overheard by: Stephen
2PM Client Meeting
Lawyer on phone: I don’t care what you want to do, just file the fucking report! Shut the fuck up and file the fucking thing!
Client: Yikes.
Secretary: He’s yelling at his other secretary.
Client: …Yeah, but–
Lawyer: I said file the fucking thing!
Secretary: It’s okay. She’s also his wife.
430 West First Street
New Albany, Indiana
She’s Gonna Earn Her Salary Today
Office worker on speakerphone: Hello.
Creepy customer: I was just sitting here eating some creamed corn and thinking about you so I thought that I would give you a call.
Office worker: Please hold and I will transfer you to my supervisor.
1st Avenue
Birmingham, Alabama
Latte Sleepers. Duh.
Old German woman: Do you have any coffee grinders?
Starbucks barista: No, we don’t sell them here.
Old German woman: Do you know where I could find one?
Starbucks barista: Well, you could try another Starbucks, or Bed Bath & Beyond.
Old German woman: How illogical! Who would want to grind coffee in bed?!
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: it be beyond
Mama Was Later Arrested for Adulterating Cocktails
Lady: I’d like a Bahama Mama.
Waitress: Alright.
Lady: And make sure to tell the bartender that I’d like it with extra Mama.
Waitress: No problem, ma’am. A Bahama Mama with extra Mama. I’ll tell him.
Lansdale, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: fed up
When They’re Driving a Motorboat?
Suit: Okay, so we will have the guy wearing an “I brake for whales” t‑shirt?
Client: Are you aware that whales live in the ocean?
Suit: Yes.
Client: How can someone brake for a whale?
Suit: [Silence.]
175 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Ave Chitenmyhair
…I Told You Never to Turn Your Back on Kindergarteners.
Lawyer on phone to client: They’re fuckin’ you, Dave*. It’s a new way of fucking, but they’re fucking you.
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Lady Lawyer
This Is So Much Better Than Having On-Site Tech Support
Woman on phone with tech support: Yes, ma’am, I am in front of my computer. That’s how I know it’s frozen.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
