Ever Tried Smok­ing a Taga­long?

Co-work­er #1: Oh my god, girl scout cook­ies should so be il­le­gal.
Co-work­er #2: Yes…I have five box­es on my desk as we speak!
Co-work­er #1: At least with crack you lose a lot of weight.

Wi­chi­ta, Kansas

The Ter­ri­ble Twos, Huh?

La­dy cowork­er, af­ter hang­ing up: So, have you ever been called a ‘piece of shit’ by your daugh­ter?

West 26th Street
New York, New York

As in How to Suc­ceed in Busi­ness With­out Re­al­ly Try­ing?

Cowork­er in kitchen #1: Have you al­ways had the prob­lem, or have you changed you rou­tine late­ly?
Cowork­er in kitchen #2: No, but I am on my knees a lot.

Mar­ble­head, Mass­a­chu­setts

He Got 500 Hours as Pun­ish­ment for Hav­ing Lisa Marie

Of­fice girl: My mom said she al­most wrecked her car the oth­er day be­cause she was watch­ing Elvis pick up trash on the side of the road. My mom said he was pick­ing up trash in his jump­suit, right there on the side of the road.
Of­fice guy: Elvis was do­ing a lit­tle com­mu­ni­ty ser­vice, was he?

Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

12PM Lunch

Cu­bi­cle girl: [Brad], want any­thing from Taco Bell? I’m mak­ing a run.

[Brad]: Yeah, I’ll go with you. But let me give you my or­der first.

Cu­bi­cle girl: But you’re com­ing with me.

[Brad]: I don’t want to for­get what I want. So I want the spicy chick­en, spicy, make sure it’s spicy…

250 Park Av­enue
New York, New York

…Or a Rous­ing Cho­rus Of “Matcha Matcha Man”

Cowork­er #1: This is Matcha.
Cowork­er #2: What’s Matcha?
Cowork­er #1: It’s tea.
Cowork­er #2: I feel like a tea bag…

Los Alami­tos, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Lisa

For Those Who Feel Bad about Quit­ting Col­lege

En­gi­neer la­dy: The price of first class stamps is now 41 cents!
En­gi­neer guy: If they made them in Chi­na, they’d be a lot cheap­er.

3003 West Casi­no Road
Everett, Wash­ing­ton

3PM Cof­fee Break

Em­ploy­ee: You know, I like work­ing at a place where you can say
are­o­la and not get in trou­ble.

163 Freelon Street
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Eve S. Drop­per

It’ll Be Our Lit­tle Se­cret

Male work­er on phone: Yeah, I al­ways think your name is Vic­to­ria. I said, I al­ways think your name is Vic­to­ria. No, I know that. I still think your name is Vic­to­ria.

1166 6th Av­enue
New York, New York

Over­heard by: Dun­can

But God, I Miss Sales!

Em­ploy­ee #1: It on­ly stays smooth like a baby’s bot­tom for about 12 hours.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Maybe… And you’ve got to lube it up pret­ty good.

1200 Wood­ward Heights
Fer­n­dale, Michi­gan