Co-worker: This place runs like a well-oiled banana.
3000 Mountain Creek Parkway
Dallas, Texas
Archive for the ‘Coworkers’ Category
I Regret Nothing
Worker bee #1: Is that a PlayStation Three?
Worker bee #2: Yeah.
Worker bee #1: Those are hard to come by. I bet you had to beat off a lot of guys in the store to get that one.
Worker bee #2: [Silence.]
150 Granby Street
Norfolk, Virginia
A Chicago Blues Standard for Good Reason
Coworker #1: If being married is so bad, why are you still married?
Coworker #2: It's cheaper to keep her!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Althoff
Like, Why Were You Touching It with Your Penis?
Agent #1: Dude, I haven't talked to you in forever.
Agent #2: Man, you get weirded out all the time.
Agent #1: Me!? I never get weirded out, man.
Agent #2: What about that time I touched your ear?
Agent #1: Yeah, that was weird.
Ontario
Canadia
Stingy and Belligerent, Eh? Why Not Put on Your Kilt While You’re at It
Worker: *Liam was great, I didn’t want any fucking sympathy and he just got on it with it. I hated my fucking father anyway.
Co-worker: Good.
Worker: I mean I only went to his fucking funeral to make sure the cunt was dead… And to spit on his grave. You know? But *Alan got two and a half days for his fucking mother in law.
Co-worker: Yeah?
Worker: Yeah. I mean I hated the bastard but I still get my three days right?
Co-worker: Right.
DWP
Bathgate
Scotland
She'll Make an Excellent Party Planner!
Coworker to boss: I think I found someone. She is the president of the mortuary science club, she has a ton of experience.
Boss: Perfect.
Manhattan, New York
10AM Check Out the Lobby
A co-worker steps out of the elevator into the reception lobby.
Co-worker #1: Ew, it smells like a nursing home in here.
5 minutes pass.
Co-worker #2: Mmm, it smells good in here.
55 Southbank Boulevard
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Emily Hopkins
Did I Mention the Horses in Gynecological Stirrups?
Medical scientist #1: You know, they’ve got sheep in the basement…
Medical scientist #2: Our basement?!
Medical scientist #1: Yeah. It’s for heart surgery experiments. They bring them up for MRIs at night.
Medical scientist #2: There are sheep using our MRI machines?!
Medical scientist #1: Well, they’re only small ones…
Hospital, Flemington Road
Parkville, Victoria
Australia
…I Lie Awake Dreaming Of That Day!
Male coworker, almost bumping into female coworker: You know, one of these days we're going to totally run into each other and… bang! (smacks hands together)
Female coworker: I know!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Mike H
A Misguided Attempt to Assert Alpha Female Status
Female coworker #1: Are your poops big?
Female coworker #2: Well, I don’t exactly examine…
Female coworker #1: Well, compare your big poop to something in real life.
Female coworker #2: This is ridiculous.
Female coworker #1: No, I’m serious.
Female coworker #2: I don’t know, an egg?
Female coworker #1: How many eggs?
Female coworker #2: Three, four?
Female coworker #1: Well, my big poop is like the size of a Nalgene water bottle.
Gladstone Avenue & Galena Boulevard
Aurora, Illinois
Overheard by: Just Trying to Eat My Lunch