… But No

Ancient lesbian waitress: You ever tried to buy dental dams at three A.M. in the Bible belt?
Wide-eyed teen bus boy: Uh… I have sooo many questions about what you just said…

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Psh, Like That Matters

Secretary: Wait, don’t you have to be in the military to run for president?
Worker: No. I’ve taken karate in the past, so I get to skip that step.
Secretary: Oh… But do you really think you’d get enough votes?

5000 South Lewis Avenue
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Whoa Now

3PM Cellular Difficulty

Coworker: Okay, I’m headed out to the meeting. I have the cell phone if you need me…Does this have to be turned on, or will it turn itself on when a call comes in?

1001 North 19th Street
Arlington, Virginia

We Know.

Coworker #1: He doesn't know? I know! How can he not know?
Coworker #2: You know?
Coworker #1: Well, I don't know… but I know.
Coworker #2: He doesn't know? You know but he doesn't know? Deep down inside he does know? it's such a puzzle!

Washington, DC

Career Tip: Find Out Which Colleagues Not to Joke With. And Don't.

Coworker #1: It was amazing. He was the first blind man to climb mount Everest. He was in the news and everything.
Coworker #2: Did they say anything about his dog?
Coworker #1: What?

Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Meesh

Listen, Lucy, with Your Body Fat, It Was Totally Improper

HR peon in charge of sexual harassment issues: Lucy*, it’s so good to see you! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on!
Lucy: I just want everyone within earshot to know that she’s talking about seeing me at the gym, and not in any improper activity!

4850 Mark Center Drive
Alexandria, Virginia

That Just Means You're Not Doing It Right.

Older female employee: I can't get on my knees. I have bad arthritis so there's no way I'm going down.
Younger female employee: I'll do it. Move over.
Older female employee: I'm going to the other one. Every time I use this one, it breaks.

Marlborough, Massachusetts

Or Rita, Who Once Spent a Month in Kansas.

Coworker #1, showing cube neighbor a sheet of paper: How would you pronounce this?
Coworker #2: I think it would be “Matsuyuki Suzuki,” but that's just a guess.
Coworker #1: I'll ask Rich*, he's going to Italy soon.

Bellevue, Washington

Overheard by: Guido Honda

You Also Gotta Refrain From Calling it ‘The Gerbil’

Sales guy #1: You’re nasty!
Sales guy #2: I’m not the one that took the pictures on that site.
Sales guy #1: I’m not the one that’s talking about shaving my gerbil!
Sales guy #2: Oooh… You gotta shave the gerbil. You GOTTA.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

I’d Rather Be Alone in Hell, Than Deal with Family in Heaven

Co-worker #1: Is he [the boss] visiting family while he’s on vacation?
Co-worker #2: I don’t think he has family, I think he was spawned from hell.

Hannibal, Missouri