It the Fu­ture, You’ll Be Able to Just Click a Box on the In­ter­net

Girl ap­ply­ing for mar­riage li­cense, to fi­ance: You sure you want to do this?
Fi­ance to girl: Who else am I gonna mar­ry?
Girl to clerk: Is this the same place you come for di­vorce too?

Clerk of Court Of­fice
Ti­tusville, Flori­da

Over­heard by: Tri­cia

Oooh, Lit­tle Cuts!

Hus­band: They have fa­ji­tas.
Wife: I don’t like or­der­ing Mex­i­can food from non-Mex­i­can restau­rants.
Hus­band: You don’t like any­thing.
Wife: I like lots of things!
Hus­band: Liar!
Wife, af­ter re­peat­ed­ly hit­ting hus­band with menu: I liked that!

TGIFri­day’s
Bowl­ing Green, Ken­tucky

12PM Lunch

At­tor­ney’s wife: I’m get­ting so fat.
At­tor­ney: You’re not fat.
At­tor­ney’s wife: Aw, well…
At­tor­ney in­ter­rupts: You’re old. You just look fat.

319 West Wood­lawn Av­enue
Louisville, Ken­tucky

Re­lax, I’m Just Horn­gry

Fi­nan­cial spe­cial­ist, in front of his preg­nant wife/coworker: God, I would nail some­one if they had some ba­con right now!
Wife/coworker: What the hell is wrong with you?

Dal­las, Texas

Over­heard by: God Help Me

Why Does It Al­so Say “No Fat Chicks?”

Wife, read­ing ad­ver­tise­ment: What is an erot­ic pet­ting zoo?
Hus­band: A what?
Wife, loud­er: An erot­ic pet­ting zoo!
Hus­band, look­ing: That says “ex­ot­ic” pet­ting zoo.
Wife: Oh, well…that makes more sense.

Pi­geon Forge, Ten­nessee

So How Do You Wrap Your Meat, Then?

Woman: Gary*, do you have any peach pa­per?
Gary, flab­ber­gast­ed: Peach pa­per?! I’m a man!

Madi­son Street
Syra­cuse, New York

Over­heard by: jim­BO

Let’s All Brush Up on Our Speak­er­phone Eti­quette

IT guy on phone: Be ready when I get home.
(clicks it to speak­er­phone)
IT guy’s wife: Well, that is fine but I did not put the butt plug in the freez­er yet.
IT guy: (clicks speak­er phone off) Hey! Sor­ry, I know you hate the speak­er­phone…

Naval Base
Pen­saco­la, Flori­da

The Best Part Is, She To­tal­ly Just Rick­rolled Him.

Woman ar­gu­ing on phone with hus­band: Calm down, please. I’m send­ing you a pic­ture of a fun­ny cat. Go look at the cat.

Ot­tawa
On­tario
Cana­dia

It’s For Re­al­ly Long Plaques

Puz­zled Irish girl: Look at that! Mag­net­ic book­marks! What a stu­pid idea!
Puz­zled boyfriend: Why?
Puz­zled Irish girl: Well, where are you ever go­ing to find a met­al book?
Puz­zled boyfriend: Hmm, yeah, you’re right.

Perth, Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: Gi­na

I See We Have Much to Teach One An­oth­er

Guy: Have you seen To Catch a Preda­tor?
Girl: I’ve read To Kill a Mock­ing­bird.

Savel­li’s
Knoxville, Ten­nessee