Relax, I’m Just Horngry

Financial specialist, in front of his pregnant wife/coworker: God, I would nail someone if they had some bacon right now!
Wife/coworker: What the hell is wrong with you?

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: God Help Me

Why Does It Also Say “No Fat Chicks?”

Wife, reading advertisement: What is an erotic petting zoo?
Husband: A what?
Wife, louder: An erotic petting zoo!
Husband, looking: That says “exotic” petting zoo.
Wife: Oh, well…that makes more sense.

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee

So How Do You Wrap Your Meat, Then?

Woman: Gary*, do you have any peach paper?
Gary, flabbergasted: Peach paper?! I’m a man!

Madison Street
Syracuse, New York

Overheard by: jimBO

Let’s All Brush Up on Our Speakerphone Etiquette

IT guy on phone: Be ready when I get home.
(clicks it to speakerphone)
IT guy’s wife: Well, that is fine but I did not put the butt plug in the freezer yet.
IT guy: (clicks speaker phone off) Hey! Sorry, I know you hate the speakerphone…

Naval Base
Pensacola, Florida

It the Future, You'll Be Able to Just Click a Box on the Internet

Girl applying for marriage license, to fiance: You sure you want to do this?
Fiance to girl: Who else am I gonna marry?
Girl to clerk: Is this the same place you come for divorce too?

Clerk of Court Office
Titusville, Florida

Overheard by: Tricia

The Best Part Is, She Totally Just Rickrolled Him.

Woman arguing on phone with husband: Calm down, please. I'm sending you a picture of a funny cat. Go look at the cat.

Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia

It’s For Really Long Plaques

Puzzled Irish girl: Look at that! Magnetic bookmarks! What a stupid idea!
Puzzled boyfriend: Why?
Puzzled Irish girl: Well, where are you ever going to find a metal book?
Puzzled boyfriend: Hmm, yeah, you’re right.

Perth, Australia

Overheard by: Gina

I See We Have Much to Teach One Another

Guy: Have you seen To Catch a Predator?
Girl: I've read To Kill a Mockingbird.

Savelli's
Knoxville, Tennessee

Let’s Say, ‘Within This Fiscal Year’

Dad: I swear, I am going to break her arm by the time she is two.
Mom: She is two.
Dad: Three, then.

Outback Steakhouse
Green Brook, New Jersey

So It'll Be Very Personal to Us.

Wife, browsing through movies: Well, how about The Midnight Meat Train?
Husband: Your mom rides the midnight meat train.

Video Rental Store
New York City, New York

Overheard by: jb