Archive for the ‘Cops’ Category

12PM Meet­ing at AS­P­CA

At­ten­dant: Is the cat male or fe­male?
An­i­mal Cop: Fe­male.
At­ten­dant: So you checked?
An­i­mal Cop: No, I did­n’t check the plumb­ing, if that’s what you mean.
At­ten­dant: So how do you know it’s a fe­male?
An­i­mal Cop: Be­cause the cat was feisty. Kind of like my wife.

326 110th Street
New York, NY

Over­heard by: M.L. Liu

Of­fice Code for “She’s Un­der My Desk”

Dude: Do you know where your wife is?
Sarge: How the fuck are you gonna walk in here on a Thurs­day morn­ing, come in my fuck­ing of­fice, see that I’m in the mid­dle of writ­ing a fuck­ing im­por­tant let­ter, and ask me where the fuck some­one else in this fuck­ing build­ing is. I’m sor­ry, where the fuck do you see a babysit­ter sign on my desk?
Dude: I’m sor­ry, I just…
Sarge: Where the fuck do you see it? Where’s the fuck­ing sign?

Newark, Delaware

Over­heard by: Shaye

You’ll See a Dark­en­ing of Hue, Is My Point

CPR in­struc­tor: … And how do we tell if an in­fant is­n’t breath­ing? He will flail around a lit­tle and will al­so turn blue or pur­ple.
Black cop: Um, not try­ing to be an ass, but what if the ba­by is my col­or?
White cop: Oh yeah… That’s known as blur­ple.

CPR Class, Po­lice De­part­ment
Col­orado Springs, Col­orado

It’s ac­tu­al­ly a Clever Piece of Per­for­mance Art Com­ment­ing on the In­jus­tice of the Elec­tric Chair as a Means of Ex­e­cu­tion

Cop: Put the knife down, you don’t want to do this.
De­pressed guy: Stay back! I’m se­ri­ous I’ll do it!
Cop: Come on, put the knife down so we can talk.
De­pressed guy: Stay back!
Cop, pulling out his Taser: Ok, last chance, put the knife down or I’ll Tase you!
De­pressd guy: Stop, I don’t want to get hurt!

Cromwell, Con­necti­cut

Over­heard by: CT Ob­serv­er

Write It on the Bath­room Wall! Hee!

Of­fi­cer #1, laugh­ing about peep­ing tom sus­pect: I just heard that guy say that he on­ly did it cause it was Sat­ur­day.
Of­fi­cer #2: He needs to quit jack­ing off out­side peo­ple’s win­dows. Some­body needs to tell him he’s a nasty lit­tle per­vert. Did he se­ri­ous­ly say that?
Of­fi­cer #1: I swear that’s what it sound­ed like. And even if he did­n’t, that’s still what I’m go­ing to tell every­body he said.

Po­lice De­part­ment
South Louisiana

Over­heard by: that’s how ri­ots get start­ed