Security guard: I don’t remember you ever not being pregnant.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Archive for the ‘Cops’ Category
A Single Bullet Can Make a Difference…If It Has Faith
Security Guard #1: Man, but 8 times! That’s gotta hurt.
Security Guard #2: Can’t be much difference to taking 7 slugs.
Wharf 8, Murray Street
Pyrmont
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: spleenboy
That, and They Mess Up Your Room While You’re Sleeping
Woman: I wanted to find out the status of the investigation on my stolen bike. It happened three weeks ago, and I haven’t heard back.
Cop: Well, ma’am, we’ve been busy with the orange alert.
Woman: I’m sorry — orange alert?
Cop: Ma’am, we’re in a war.
Woman: A war?!
Cop: The war with Iraq?
Woman: … You mean the fucking Iraqis stole my bike?!
Washington, DC
Psh, Like You Don’t Do That Four Times a Day
Building guest: I’m supposed to be upstairs on the 23rd floor for Cox.
Building security: Whoa there!
Manhattan, New York
But I’m Watching You, Pal
Security guard: Um, we have a problem here.
Traveler: And what might that be?
Security guard: Do you have any other form of identification? Your driver’s license is expired.
Traveler: No, it’s not… this is 2006.
Security guard: You may pass.
General Mitchell Airport
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Feeling Secure
Damnit– It Was a Carriage Seat Five Minutes Ago
Security guard in lobby: Ma’am, you need to take the baby out of the pumpkin seat before you put the pumpkin seat through the x‑ray machine.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Girl Friday
It’s Really Just Packaging
Cop: Pick me up a diet water.
Secretary: If they don’t have diet, is regular okay?
Police department
New Jersey
How Some Frat Houses Avoid the Long Arm Of the Law
Security guard to another: Who cares if a girl gets raped there…they have an aquarium!
Columbus, Ohio
They Don’t Tell Me What They’re Storing, and I Don’t Ask
Deputy: That guy told the judge that the crack they found up his ass wasn’t his.
Police station
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: more information than anyone needed
Tonight on WWE Smackdown: Clash of the Bureaucrats!
FBI agent: Excuse me, I’m an investigator for the FBI. I would like a copy of a student’s transcript.
Registrar: Ok. You need to pay a $7 transcript fee.
FBI agent: Uh. I don’t think I need to pay that. I’m an investigator for the FBI.
Registrar: Everybody has to pay for a transcript.
FBI agent: I think I will have to speak to your supervisor.
Registrar: I’m sorry, but that’s what the sign says.
John Jay College of Criminal Justice, 10th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Waiting next in line
