Archive for the ‘Cops’ Category

That, and They Mess Up Your Room While You’re Sleep­ing

Woman: I want­ed to find out the sta­tus of the in­ves­ti­ga­tion on my stolen bike. It hap­pened three weeks ago, and I haven’t heard back.
Cop: Well, ma’am, we’ve been busy with the or­ange alert.
Woman: I’m sor­ry — or­ange alert?
Cop: Ma’am, we’re in a war.
Woman: A war?!
Cop: The war with Iraq?
Woman: … You mean the fuck­ing Iraqis stole my bike?!

Wash­ing­ton, DC

But I’m Watch­ing You, Pal

Se­cu­ri­ty guard: Um, we have a prob­lem here.
Trav­el­er: And what might that be?
Se­cu­ri­ty guard: Do you have any oth­er form of iden­ti­fi­ca­tion? Your dri­ver’s li­cense is ex­pired.
Trav­el­er: No, it’s not… this is 2006.
Se­cu­ri­ty guard: You may pass.

Gen­er­al Mitchell Air­port
Mil­wau­kee, Wis­con­sin

Over­heard by: Feel­ing Se­cure

Tonight on WWE Smack­down: Clash of the Bu­reau­crats!

FBI agent: Ex­cuse me, I’m an in­ves­ti­ga­tor for the FBI. I would like a copy of a stu­den­t’s tran­script.
Reg­is­trar: Ok. You need to pay a $7 tran­script fee.
FBI agent: Uh. I don’t think I need to pay that. I’m an in­ves­ti­ga­tor for the FBI.
Reg­is­trar: Every­body has to pay for a tran­script.
FBI agent: I think I will have to speak to your su­per­vi­sor.
Reg­is­trar: I’m sor­ry, but that’s what the sign says.

John Jay Col­lege of Crim­i­nal Jus­tice, 10th Av­enue
New York, New York

Over­heard by: Wait­ing next in line