Guy clerk: Hey, this safety pamphlet says to get into the bathtub if a tornado is coming.
Gal clerk: Well, duh, why don’t they just build houses shaped like giant bathtubs?
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Archive for the ‘Consultants’ Category
Sailing in Search of the Rest of Your Simile
Consultant on phone: You need to set corporate goals. Without goals, you’re like a boat on the water.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Frumious Bandersnatch
Hey, Tara Reid Is Just Trying to Make It Through Her Day Like the Rest of Us
Trader: If you’re drunk or high come over and share, but if you’re retarded I can’t help you.
1801 East 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: her boss
The Cow Was Found to Be Negligent
Lawyer #1: I can’t wait to get rid of those cows.
Lawyer #2: I thought you liked your cows.
Lawyer #1: Well, I did, but then one of them got a little too close and now I have a large bruise on my right thigh.
Lawyer #2: You were just too proximate.
401 Congress Avenue
Austin, Texas
Why the President Has a Press Secretary
CSR interrupting production meeting: Hey, sorry, but Dan* from XYZ company wants to know when he can expect his job.
Tech supervisor, screaming: Tell him when hell fucking freezes over! Jesus! I’m fucking tired of these pushy customers! And their shitty little jobs!
CSR: Okay… That’s uh… He’s uh… standing right over there…
Tech supervisor: [Stunned silence.]Boss: Well, you can go take care of that one, buddy… He’s all yours.
1st Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mouth opened, foot inserted
Two Dollars at Hooters Is Like a Hundred Bucks at the Cheetah Club
Creative designer to secretary: I only have two dollars to go to Hooters tonight. Do you know where the petty cash is hidden so that I can borrow some money?
Ardice Avenue
Eustis, Florida
Overheard by: serena
Why Pavarotti Had to Write His Lyrics on His Hand.
Music agent slamming phone down angrily: God, he’s so unintelligent! I mean, even for a tenor!
1st District
Vienna
Austria
You Seem to Have Lost Your Passion for the Business
Market researcher, frustrated at client: I don’t have auto pilot Las Vegas porn attendance statistics in my brain!
Pearl District
Portland, Oregon
When Let’s Go Travel Writers Talk Dirty
Office peon: It’s amazing what delicacies you can find hidden within the bush.
5757 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
You’re Supposed to Read Them, Not Use Them As a Blanket
Retired lawyer: I’m just buried under these law documents.
Boss: Wait, are you practicing law without a license?
Retired lawyer: No, without knowledge.
2550 Q Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: C Dubz