Receptionist: Farce? Is that like farts?
352 7th Avenue
New York, New York
Archive for the ‘Consultants’ Category
They’re Doing a Piece on the Renaissance of the Whoopie Cushion
Editor: Never mind the farting sounds you heard from across the hall. They’re nothing to worry about.
353 Sacramento Street
San Francisco, California
He Does Freddies
Bond salesperson to trader: Yeah, Stew’s* pretty conservative. He doesn’t do Fannies.
1000 SW Broadway
Portland, Oregon
And Flicking Them at Another Toddler
Photo person cleaning out pump nozzle of green hand sanitizer: This is just like picking boogers out of a toddler!
Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
When Excel Just Isn’t Enough
Accountant: Be right back. I have to go buy an ax.
East Lancaster Avenue
Downingtown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: marianoelle
Luckily Everybody Drinks
Male realtor: Have you ever been to England?
Lady office manager: No, why?
Male realtor: The women there are really ugly no matter how horny you are.
Highway 19
Florida
Well, Great, Glad You’re Right on Top of This
Blonde receptionist: Do you have any Krazy Glue?
Paralegal: I don’t think so. Why?
Blonde receptionist: My tooth fell out.
Paralegal: I think you need to see a dentist.
Blonde receptionist: No, my teeth are always falling out and I just Krazy Glue them back in.
Paralegal: Krazy Glue? Maybe that’s why you’ve been getting all those headaches…
Blonde receptionist: No, that’s because I quit smoking back in February.
Law office
Great Neck, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Or Shaped Like Giant Doorways, in Case of Earthquakes
Guy clerk: Hey, this safety pamphlet says to get into the bathtub if a tornado is coming.
Gal clerk: Well, duh, why don’t they just build houses shaped like giant bathtubs?
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Sailing in Search of the Rest of Your Simile
Consultant on phone: You need to set corporate goals. Without goals, you’re like a boat on the water.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Frumious Bandersnatch
Hey, Tara Reid Is Just Trying to Make It Through Her Day Like the Rest of Us
Trader: If you’re drunk or high come over and share, but if you’re retarded I can’t help you.
1801 East 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: her boss