Musician on speaker: We are super-psyched, yo. It is huge for us.
Producer: You need to do this show, if you do this show you are going to blow up. Blow up like shit!
441 East 12th Street
New York, NY
Archive for the ‘Consultants’ Category
I Want to See the Baby Eat the Cobra
Art director: Does anyone want to see a baby wrestle a cobra?
West Sahara Avenue
Las Vegas, Nevada
There Are So Few Good Roles for African-American Actresses
Customer: Last week I bought two of these toy bulldozers for my nephews, and I’d like to exchange this one for a backhoe.
CSR: Okay.
Customer: Would you like me to go back to the toy department and get the other one?
CSR: No, I’ll page and have someone bring one up here for you. [Over intercom] Attention, Toy Department. Will someone please bring a black ho to the service desk? I repeat, we need a black ho at the service desk.
Value City
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Did that really just happen?
But I Guess My Underling Will Have to Do
Dispatcher peering into Tupperware container: I am so sick of kielbasa I could kick Jesus in the shins!
Emergency center
Pennsylvania
Hello, I’m Your Tour Guide, Steve, Which Is French For ‘Dumbass’
Tour guide: And this here is what we call a “grotto,” from the French word for “water.”
Secret Caverns
Cobleskill, New York
But They’re Starting to Learn to Chew through Their Gags
News editor: I’ve already passed the high point of my day where I mute Regis and Kelly.
101 Marietta Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: an amused underling
With Much Public Flailing-About, So Everyone Knows
Office consultant that everyone hates: Once I commit to something I tend to try to do it.
Community Co-op
Newark, New Jersey
A Fine Distinction Is Still a Distinction
Over the cube wall: That’s apples and oranges. But the oranges are red.
2nd Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Murray
But If a Cops Film Crew Shows Up, the Shirt Is History
Seminar coordinator: Between keeping my shoes on and keeping my britches on, there’ll be no running from me!
14 Fairfield Drive
Brookfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Marissa
NewsFlash: UPenn School of Social Work Adopts Controversial ‘Shut Up’ Method, Following Brooklyn’s Lead
Social worker to passing ambulances and police cars: Shut up! God.
260 South Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: lora
