Employee: Hello, and welcome to XYZ Store*. How are you today?
Suit: Um, I’m alright. How are you?
Employee, shrugging half-heartedly: I work at XYZ Store.
Suit: Oh, right. Sorry.
Electronics store
New York, New York
Overheard by: I’ll try and be nicer to them from now on
Musician on speaker: We are super-psyched, yo. It is huge for us.
Producer: You need to do this show, if you do this show you are going to blow up. Blow up like shit!
441 East 12th Street
New York, NY
Art director: Does anyone want to see a baby wrestle a cobra?
West Sahara Avenue
Las Vegas, Nevada
Customer: Last week I bought two of these toy bulldozers for my nephews, and I’d like to exchange this one for a backhoe.
CSR: Okay.
Customer: Would you like me to go back to the toy department and get the other one?
CSR: No, I’ll page and have someone bring one up here for you. [Over intercom] Attention, Toy Department. Will someone please bring a black ho to the service desk? I repeat, we need a black ho at the service desk.
Value City
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Did that really just happen?
Dispatcher peering into Tupperware container: I am so sick of kielbasa I could kick Jesus in the shins!
Emergency center
Pennsylvania
Tour guide: And this here is what we call a “grotto,” from the French word for “water.”
Secret Caverns
Cobleskill, New York
News editor: I’ve already passed the high point of my day where I mute Regis and Kelly.
101 Marietta Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: an amused underling
Office consultant that everyone hates: Once I commit to something I tend to try to do it.
Community Co-op
Newark, New Jersey
Over the cube wall: That’s apples and oranges. But the oranges are red.
2nd Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Murray
Seminar coordinator: Between keeping my shoes on and keeping my britches on, there’ll be no running from me!
14 Fairfield Drive
Brookfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Marissa
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist