Photo person cleaning out pump nozzle of green hand sanitizer: This is just like picking boogers out of a toddler!
Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
Archive for the ‘Consultants’ Category
When Excel Just Isn’t Enough
Accountant: Be right back. I have to go buy an ax.
East Lancaster Avenue
Downingtown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: marianoelle
Luckily Everybody Drinks
Male realtor: Have you ever been to England?
Lady office manager: No, why?
Male realtor: The women there are really ugly no matter how horny you are.
Highway 19
Florida
Well, Great, Glad You’re Right on Top of This
Blonde receptionist: Do you have any Krazy Glue?
Paralegal: I don’t think so. Why?
Blonde receptionist: My tooth fell out.
Paralegal: I think you need to see a dentist.
Blonde receptionist: No, my teeth are always falling out and I just Krazy Glue them back in.
Paralegal: Krazy Glue? Maybe that’s why you’ve been getting all those headaches…
Blonde receptionist: No, that’s because I quit smoking back in February.
Law office
Great Neck, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Or Shaped Like Giant Doorways, in Case of Earthquakes
Guy clerk: Hey, this safety pamphlet says to get into the bathtub if a tornado is coming.
Gal clerk: Well, duh, why don’t they just build houses shaped like giant bathtubs?
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Sailing in Search of the Rest of Your Simile
Consultant on phone: You need to set corporate goals. Without goals, you’re like a boat on the water.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Frumious Bandersnatch
Hey, Tara Reid Is Just Trying to Make It Through Her Day Like the Rest of Us
Trader: If you’re drunk or high come over and share, but if you’re retarded I can’t help you.
1801 East 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: her boss
The Cow Was Found to Be Negligent
Lawyer #1: I can’t wait to get rid of those cows.
Lawyer #2: I thought you liked your cows.
Lawyer #1: Well, I did, but then one of them got a little too close and now I have a large bruise on my right thigh.
Lawyer #2: You were just too proximate.
401 Congress Avenue
Austin, Texas
Why the President Has a Press Secretary
CSR interrupting production meeting: Hey, sorry, but Dan* from XYZ company wants to know when he can expect his job.
Tech supervisor, screaming: Tell him when hell fucking freezes over! Jesus! I’m fucking tired of these pushy customers! And their shitty little jobs!
CSR: Okay… That’s uh… He’s uh… standing right over there…
Tech supervisor: [Stunned silence.]Boss: Well, you can go take care of that one, buddy… He’s all yours.
1st Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mouth opened, foot inserted
Two Dollars at Hooters Is Like a Hundred Bucks at the Cheetah Club
Creative designer to secretary: I only have two dollars to go to Hooters tonight. Do you know where the petty cash is hidden so that I can borrow some money?
Ardice Avenue
Eustis, Florida
Overheard by: serena