Employee to another, arranging pretzels on display: You know, you’re supposed to hang these straight, but if you hang them crooked they are more tantalizing.…tantalizing like crack.
Birmingham, Alabama
Employee to another, arranging pretzels on display: You know, you’re supposed to hang these straight, but if you hang them crooked they are more tantalizing.…tantalizing like crack.
Birmingham, Alabama
Colleague to another who has been ill: Your doctor’s sick note looks like it came from a vending machine.
Cape Town
South Africa
College secretary: George loved my dip!
College rep: He also likes penis.
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: it’s true
Manager: It’s rainin’ like a cow peein’ on a rock.
1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Office philosopher: Everyone’s pretty much a lesbian bike messenger in Portland, anyway.
San Diego, California
Products VP: Everyone who makes this crap is just as fucked as we are.
Finance VP: If only no one put this in their mouths…
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
Woman to man: You’re like, one of those, like, glass dolls, and there’s like, an owl, in a shop.
Monroe, Toledo
Overheard by: Katy
Male program manager to another: Well, it’s better than imagining you in spandex!
Coworker in next cubicle: At least it’s not a thong.
Utah
Overheard by: Snickering Intern
Woman: I’d like to pay my cell phone bill, but it’s in my son’s name and I don’t have the password to see it online. So, I need to know how much it is.
Employee: You can’t pay it without his authorization. I can’t tell you how much it is.
Woman: He can’t authorize anything, he’s incarcerated.
Employee: Well, we’ll need a copy of the obituary or the death certificate.
Woman: What? He’s incarcerated! [pause] He’s in jail.
Employee: Oh.
Frederick, Maryland
Broker #1: Okay, here’s one: would you rather lick the bulge on Jimmy’s leg or eat the skin that Richard peeled off his foot last year?
Broker #2: As sick as this sounds, I’d take Jimmy’s bulge in a second. I had to sit next to Richard. His foot had a crack in it so deep you could stick a pencil in it.
Chicago, Illinois
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist