Archive for the ‘Compare and contrast’ Category

Would­n’t Stop Dri­ving My Hot Rod Lin­coln

Woman: I’d like to pay my cell phone bill, but it’s in my son’s name and I don’t have the pass­word to see it on­line. So, I need to know how much it is.
Em­ploy­ee: You can’t pay it with­out his au­tho­riza­tion. I can’t tell you how much it is.
Woman: He can’t au­tho­rize any­thing, he’s in­car­cer­at­ed.
Em­ploy­ee: Well, we’ll need a copy of the obit­u­ary or the death cer­tifi­cate.
Woman: What? He’s in­car­cer­at­ed! [pause] He’s in jail.
Em­ploy­ee: Oh.

Fred­er­ick, Mary­land

Any­way, I Al­ready Ate Richard’s Foot Skin

Bro­ker #1: Okay, here’s one: would you rather lick the bulge on Jim­my’s leg or eat the skin that Richard peeled off his foot last year?
Bro­ker #2: As sick as this sounds, I’d take Jim­my’s bulge in a sec­ond. I had to sit next to Richard. His foot had a crack in it so deep you could stick a pen­cil in it.

Chica­go, Illi­nois