Employee to another, arranging pretzels on display: You know, you’re supposed to hang these straight, but if you hang them crooked they are more tantalizing.…tantalizing like crack.
Birmingham, Alabama
Archive for the ‘Compare and contrast’ Category
Why’s It Written on a Potato Chip?
Colleague to another who has been ill: Your doctor’s sick note looks like it came from a vending machine.
Cape Town
South Africa
Judging from His Coffee Mug
College secretary: George loved my dip!
College rep: He also likes penis.
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: it’s true
Ganesh: Oh, Sorry!
Manager: It’s rainin’ like a cow peein’ on a rock.
1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
If Dark Angel Had Been Shown on the Logo Channel
Office philosopher: Everyone’s pretty much a lesbian bike messenger in Portland, anyway.
San Diego, California
Whose Idea Were Tobacco Pacifiers, Anyway?
Products VP: Everyone who makes this crap is just as fucked as we are.
Finance VP: If only no one put this in their mouths…
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
Are You Hitting on Me?
Woman to man: You’re like, one of those, like, glass dolls, and there’s like, an owl, in a shop.
Monroe, Toledo
Overheard by: Katy
Are You Saying You Don’t Appreciate the Tutu?
Male program manager to another: Well, it’s better than imagining you in spandex!
Coworker in next cubicle: At least it’s not a thong.
Utah
Overheard by: Snickering Intern
Wouldn’t Stop Driving My Hot Rod Lincoln
Woman: I’d like to pay my cell phone bill, but it’s in my son’s name and I don’t have the password to see it online. So, I need to know how much it is.
Employee: You can’t pay it without his authorization. I can’t tell you how much it is.
Woman: He can’t authorize anything, he’s incarcerated.
Employee: Well, we’ll need a copy of the obituary or the death certificate.
Woman: What? He’s incarcerated! [pause] He’s in jail.
Employee: Oh.
Frederick, Maryland
Anyway, I Already Ate Richard’s Foot Skin
Broker #1: Okay, here’s one: would you rather lick the bulge on Jimmy’s leg or eat the skin that Richard peeled off his foot last year?
Broker #2: As sick as this sounds, I’d take Jimmy’s bulge in a second. I had to sit next to Richard. His foot had a crack in it so deep you could stick a pencil in it.
Chicago, Illinois
