So I’m Pret­ty Sure the Boss Is Preg­nant

Pe­on: Rice bel­ly would jig­gle. Beer bel­ly would, like, wob­ble hard.

King Street East
Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Thank you, sen­sei

The Wet Look Nev­er Goes Out Of Style in New Jer­sey

CSR on cell, laugh­ing: So you got a wet bel­ly in­stead of a wet butt?

Del­ran, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Bruce Ban­ner

That’s What Chick­ens Do, Al­ice

Very up­set of­fice la­dy: I can’t be­lieve she is down­stairs eat­ing corn while you are print­ing this out!

Tope­ka, Kansas

Over­heard by: DougEvil

Let’s Eat Our Ra­men Din­ners To­geth­er Tonight

Re­cent male col­lege grad: So I just quit my job…
Re­cent fe­male col­lege grad: Oh my god, that’s awe­some!
Re­cent male col­lege grad: I love our age group- every­one’s ex­cit­ed and en­vi­ous of me ‑and not ap­palled…

San Fran­cis­co, Cal­ifro­nia

Over­heard by: Still Em­ployed… Un­for­tu­nate­ly

Or Every Episode Of Steven Sea­gal: Law­man

Su­per­vi­sor: Was this class as bad I thought?
Fe­male cop, leav­ing sem­i­nar, about in­struc­tor: He likes to say ‘quick and dirty’ way too much and the dude ram­bles like a drunk rid­ing a bi­cy­cle.

Louisiana State Po­lice Head Quar­ters
Ba­ton Rouge, Louisiana

Over­heard by: i snuck out ear­ly, too

And Son of Sam Was a Dr. Seuss Char­ac­ter?

Smart girl: Okay, that guy was nice but re­al­ly kind of creepy.
Girl: Yeah, but he seemed harm­less enough.
Smart girl: Sure, but so did Ted Bundy.
Girl: Oh I love that guy!
Smart girl: Wait… what?
Girl: He’s the one on Mar­ried with Chil­dren, right?

Om­a­ha, Ne­bras­ka

Over­heard by: glad my gf is the smart one

Who Buys a So­lar-Pow­ered Suit?

Cowork­er to an­oth­er: He was glow­ing like a preg­nant woman!

Man­hat­tan, New York

Over­heard by: net­dpb

Very Nerdy Gay Porno? Dis­cuss.

Gay IT guy: Man, it’s hot in here.
Cowork­er: Yeah, es­pe­cial­ly since you walked in, but we have the heater on.

Ap­ple­ton City, Mis­souri

The Ba­by Boom Seems to Be End­ing With a Whim­per

Sales man­ag­er: Oh, no… I’m not laugh­ing at or­phans, I’m laugh­ing at old de­ment­ed peo­ple.

Ea­gle Street, Bris­bane
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: Clerk Pe­on

…Un­less That’s the Land­scap­ing Look You’re Go­ing for

Cowork­er on phone: No, you can’t let Stan do that! If he us­es that bull­doz­er in your yard it’ll look like some blind guy with his head be­tween his ass.

Co­lum­bia, New Jer­sey