20-something receptionist, commenting on cutesy photo of boy and dog praying: You know, I don’t really like kids, animals or god, but that photo’s okay.
Mill Valley, California
Archive for the ‘Compare and contrast’ Category
Wilbur the Pig Repeatedly Falls Into Charlotte's Web
Yuppie analyst #1: Dude, that girl you took home last night was maybe a 3.
Yuppie analyst #2: I mean…it was my birthday, I had way too much to drink, I… (pauses) You're right…no excuses…she was a total farm animal.
New York City, New York
…As This Powerpoint Diagram Very Clearly Illustrates.
Boss to underling: I'm okay with someone coming at me from the front. It's when they come from behind that bothers me.
Tysons Corner, Virginia
Pop Quiz: Which of These Statements Is True About Elvis?
Boss on phone: That’s what I’m saying! He’s had his beer, he’s had his Vegas, he’s a Muslim, and I’m going to hell.
1st Street
Los Angeles, California
A Chicago Blues Standard for Good Reason
Coworker #1: If being married is so bad, why are you still married?
Coworker #2: It's cheaper to keep her!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Althoff
Why Gay Porn Stars Are So Healthy
Gay hairstylist: But people who have anal don't get prostrate cancer…
Manager: They only get hemorrhoids.
Gay hairstylist: That's true, after a while it looks like a cauliflower. But, anyway, we do not get prostate cancer, because the cock acts like a massage therapist.
Manager: Riiiiight!
Sao Paulo
Brazil
At Least, That’s What It Looks Like through the Keyhole
Older gentleman in response to memo on sexual harassment: In this office we don’t have sexual harassment, we just have sex!
Seguin, Texas
Look How Bad I Am at Math!
Interviewer: I’m sorry. From my conversation with your former supervisor I expected you to be a man!
Interviewee: I’m a girl! I’ll show you!
Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California
And They Always Get Grumpy When I Wear My “Go Palestininians!” Shirt.
Jewish executive: The CEO of [name] company is coming from Israel for negotiations.
Redneck executive (exasperated): I hate dealing with Israelis! They're the hardest people to negotiate with. They're never satisfied with any deal you work out.
Jewish executive: (silence)
Redneck executive: It's like water torture!
Peon: Um, I think that's the Chinese.
San Mateo, California
But It's Important to Our Relationship That I Share Inappropriate Facts About Her
Newbie: So Diane* is the one with dirty blonde hair?
Seasoned worker: I don't think they like the term “dirty.”
Newbie: Oh yeah, my girlfriend kinda likes being called “dirty.”
Seasoned worker: I meant the hair color.
Newbie: I know!
Inverness Work Plex
Denver, Colorado