You Mean Shrimp Chow Mane?

Ditzy cowork­er, gig­gling: My hair smells like Asian noo­dles!

Des Moines, Iowa

That’s What You Said About Shop­ping Re­tail!

Viet­namese cowork­er us­ing card­board to fix cu­bi­cle, hap­pi­ly: It’s like be­ing in refugee camp all over again.

Austin, Texas

I Was De­light­ed to Learn There Was an Old Gum­my Bear Stuck to It

Cube dweller #1: There’s one bagel left.
Cube dweller #2: I think that’s the one that was on the floor.
Cube dweller #3: No, I ate that one.

Jer­sey City, New Jer­sey

I Knew This Tiara Was a Bad Idea.

En­gi­neer to op­er­a­tions guy: You’re all evil in this de­part­ment. (points at ad­min­is­tra­tive as­sis­tant) Es­pe­cial­ly you, you’re the leader.
Ad­min­is­tra­tive as­sis­tant: What?

Man­hat­tan, New York

So Many Won­der­ful Things Come in Plain, Brown Wrap­pers

Sales guy: Re­mem­ber when you were a kid and got crabs? The med­i­cine would come in a plain brown box like that.

As­bury Park, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: (to the)

Then We Give It to the Clients, and It’s a Hap­py End­ing for Every­one

Da­ta geek #1: Do they mas­sage the da­ta be­fore they give it the clients?
Da­ta geek #2: Oh, we mas­sage it like it’s Kobe beef.

Salt Lake City, Utah

Sales Reps Are Com­pet­i­tive in Every­thing

Fe­male sales rep #1, sneez­ing loud­ly: What is go­ing on in here? I got it all in my nose.
Fe­male sales rep #2, coughs loud­ly: Well, I got it all in my throat.

Del­ran, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Bruce Ban­ner

Ever Tried Smok­ing a Taga­long?

Co-work­er #1: Oh my god, girl scout cook­ies should so be il­le­gal.
Co-work­er #2: Yes…I have five box­es on my desk as we speak!
Co-work­er #1: At least with crack you lose a lot of weight.

Wi­chi­ta, Kansas

Ever Been to Eu­rope, Suzy?

Old­er boss: Health­care needs com­pe­ti­tion to re­main good. Just look at Lasik and boob jobs! Be­cause those are paid for pri­vate­ly, they are af­ford­able and high qual­i­ty.
20-some­thing un­der­ling: How would you know about the qual­i­ty of boob jobs?

Au­gus­ta, Geor­gia

Over­heard by: Will

Mr. Ma­goo Would­n’t Lis­ten, Though

Boss in hall­way (with hand on door­knob): Are you join­ing me in this con­fer­ence room?
Pe­on: That’s the clos­et.

Cleve­land, Ohio

Over­heard by: just an­oth­er pe­on