Archive for the ‘Compare and contrast’ Category

We Bare­ly Do That Now

Cu­bi­cle #1: Since I have to trav­el through Vir­ginia next week, I’m go­ing to take Amy*‘s sug­ges­tion and get a mega mil­lions tick­et. The power­ball is­n’t work­ing out so well for me.
Cu­bi­cle #2: My hus­band laughs at me be­cause I want to keep work­ing if I win the lot­tery.
Cu­bi­cle #3: What!?
Cu­bi­cle #2: Yeah, I want to keep work­ing.
Cu­bi­cle #3: Well…
Cu­bi­cle #1 & #3, in uni­son: I would­n’t work here.

Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

For In­stance, You No Longer Need to Pur­chase Gel.

Out­go­ing of­fice as­sis­tant help­ing new one fill out HR pa­per­work: Wow! You look so dif­fer­ent in your dri­ver’s li­cense pic­ture.
New as­sis­tant: Yeah, I was so much skin­nier and my hair was so much bet­ter.
Out­go­ing of­fice as­sis­tant: How is your hair dif­fer­ent now?
New as­sis­tant: Well, you know when you’re hav­ing a bunch of sex, your hair changes?

Nashville, Ten­nessee

You Know Those Guys Whose Sig­nal Keeps Break­ing Up?

Mar­coms man­ag­er: The new Blue­tooth don­gles are here.
VP of op­er­a­tions: Can I have a don­gle?
Mar­coms man­ag­er: You just like say­ing the word “don­gle.“
VP of op­er­a­tions: Ac­tu­al­ly, I al­ready have a don­gle, it’s just not a Blue­tooth one. (winks)
Mar­coms man­ag­er: So you can’t use it from 33 feet away?
VP of op­er­a­tions: Nope. If I could, that would be like a Tyran­nosaurus don­gle!

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Is It Just Me or Do They Both Sound Like Su­per­hero Names?

Em­ploy­ee: Hi.
Re­cep­tion­ist (with­out look­ing up): Hi.
(em­ploy­ee walks be­hind desk)
Re­cep­tion­ist (still not look­ing) What are you do­ing?
Em­ploy­ee: Shred­ding.
Re­cep­tion­ist (looks up con­fused): What?
Em­ploy­ee (turns on ma­chine): Wow, your shred­der is re­al­ly slow.
Re­cep­tion­ist: That’s the lam­i­na­tor.

San Jose, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Walk­ing to the Bath­room

I Am Large, I Con­tain Mul­ti­tudes

Cube dweller #1: I have peo­ple all up in­side me all the time, and they’re just bound to come out soon­er or lat­er.
Cube dweller #2: I do too: that’s why I write.
Cube dweller #1: I think we’re talk­ing about two dif­fer­ent things here.

Over­heard by: I love a good of­fice gang­bang as much as the next guy.