Person #1: My vagina is as fucked as the Gaza strip.
Person #2: Can I suggest a nice Jewish gyno?
Person #1: I don't want her to colonize my vag. Monistat will work just fine.
Person #2: You could just shove some Challah bread up there and have the yeast go to town on your sorry ghettoized crotch.
Boston, Massachusetts
Male coworker: Dugong! I wonder what dugongs taste like.
Female coworker: Hippos?
Male coworker: Except saltier.
Grahamstown
South Africa
Overheard by: EnvironmentalScientistsAreWeird
Engineer to another: What'd you just say? My ass is grass? And you're the lawnmower?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: jt
Boss: Carl! It's a good thing you aren't a dog or I'd have put you down by now!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: BFScollegegirl
Outgoing office assistant helping new one fill out HR paperwork: Wow! You look so different in your driver's license picture.
New assistant: Yeah, I was so much skinnier and my hair was so much better.
Outgoing office assistant: How is your hair different now?
New assistant: Well, you know when you're having a bunch of sex, your hair changes?
Nashville, Tennessee
Client: I used to know a girl in school that always played with my hair… She was always messin’ with my hair.
Hairdresser: Do you know what happened to her? Maybe she became a hairstylist?
Client: Oh no… I doubt it… She was really smart.
Hair Salon
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: ColorMeFabulous
Recent male college grad: So I just quit my job…
Recent female college grad: Oh my god, that’s awesome!
Recent male college grad: I love our age group- everyone’s excited and envious of me -and not appalled…
San Francisco, Califronia
Overheard by: Still Employed… Unfortunately
Guy #1: You know what's a bad way to go? Velociraptors.
Guy #2: I'm not afraid of them anymore. I'd say the T-Rex is worse.
Guy #1: Come on–everybody chooses the man-eating tiger.
Guy #2: Or ape.
(pause)
Guy #1: I wouldn't mind working on a farm.
Victoria
BC
Canadia
Casting assistant: …I mean… If you’re not going to type your letter, you might want to make sure that your handwriting doesn’t make you look like a serial killer.
Diamond Street
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Tigertail
Manager #1 to manager #2: I’m talking about sloppy joes and you’re talking about sucking toes.
Cordele, Georgia
Overheard by: Marisa Griggs