Like Giant Dildos.

Executive director, discussing clients: We can't touch them physically, but we can touch them with things.

Louisville, Kentucky

My Oxygen Mask Has Deployed, See?

CEO to receptionist: I’m not touching myself! I’m having an underwear emergency.

Parnell
Auckland
New Zealand

Poland? Absolutely.

Boss to office: It's like being on Wheel of Fortune without having to buy a vowel.

Chicago, Illinois

Is This a New Trend We're Missing?

Sales rep: I have been waiting for this woman to show up for so long that my clients are looking at me like I am a monkey humping a football.

Clearwater, Florida

On the Plus Side, I Have a Place to Put My Bowl Of Cereal in the Mornings

Sales girl: We have a sale on sports bras!
Largely endowed woman: I can't wear sports bras. They make me look like I have a uniboob.

Texas

Overheard by: silentinthecorner

“Boat-Neck Flavor”? What the Hell?

Coworker, eating lunch: Ew, this yogurt tastes like sweaters!

Melbourne, Florida

…If I Imagine They’re All About to Blow Up

20-something receptionist, commenting on cutesy photo of boy and dog praying: You know, I don’t really like kids, animals or god, but that photo’s okay.

Mill Valley, California

Wilbur the Pig Repeatedly Falls Into Charlotte's Web

Yuppie analyst #1: Dude, that girl you took home last night was maybe a 3.
Yuppie analyst #2: I mean…it was my birthday, I had way too much to drink, I… (pauses) You're right…no excuses…she was a total farm animal.

New York City, New York

…As This Powerpoint Diagram Very Clearly Illustrates.

Boss to underling: I'm okay with someone coming at me from the front. It's when they come from behind that bothers me.

Tysons Corner, Virginia

Pop Quiz: Which of These Statements Is True About Elvis?

Boss on phone: That’s what I’m saying! He’s had his beer, he’s had his Vegas, he’s a Muslim, and I’m going to hell.

1st Street
Los Angeles, California