Doesn’t Explain Why Julia Roberts Looks Like That

Coworker #1: Have you ever seen “The Hills Have Eyes”?
Coworker #2: Nah, I don’t like horror movies about mutants.
Coworker #1: They’re not mutants. Okay, they like live in this town where the government did like nuclear testing and it…
Coworker #2: Turned them into mutants.
Coworker #1: Well I guess… Based on how you define mutant.
Coworker #2: Someone who is changed or ‘mutated’ by radioactive material… Mutant.
Coworker #1: Yeah? well they all lived in this town where they were doing testing.
Coworker #3: Oh yeah. I saw that one. It gets into the water supply and there’s like a big lawsuit!
Coworker #2: No dude, that’s “Erin Brockovich“
Coworker #3: Oh. Yeah.

E Golf Rd
Schaumburg, Illinois

Overheard by: Emily

Shouldn’t We at Least Try to Cater to the Semi-Literate?

Intern: So do any celebrities subscribe to our magazine?
Circulation guru: Actually, James Caan and Shirley MacLaine are longtime subscribers. Even Dennis Hopper got our mag for awhile.
Intern (sighing): I mean like real celebrities. You know: Tila Tequila or Zac Efron…

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: ugh.

I Thought Their Lovechild Was the Fat Kid from That Lightsaber YouTube Video?

Chick #1 to IT guy and chick #2: That fat kid on the new Shrek movie sounds weird. (in scratchy deep voice) “Do the roar!“
Chick #2: He sounds like Cartman.
Chick #1: If Cartman and Darth Sidious had a love child, that’s what he’d sound like. That fat kid.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Take What, Exactly? No, Don’t Tell Me.

Cute gay guy: Tome Cruise and Katie Holmes were looking for an apartment on my street.
Female coworker: Oh, really?
Cute gay guy: Yeah, I live on Toorak Road. If they move there, I wanna steal Suri. And have crazy bum sex on my balcony! (demonstrates by thrusting in the air) Take that, Scientology!

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Giggling

This Is Just Like That Erin Brockovich Incident

Intern: I wish I could remember Matt Damon’s name in Good Will Hunting…

Santa Fe Building
Denver, Colorado

And If Science Ever Conquers Death, the Pope’s Out of a Job

Writer: You know what I think? I think Jerry Lewis wakes up every morning just scared out of his mind that they’ll actually find a cure for muscular dystrophy.

Scottsdale, Arizona

And It’s Not That I’m a Virgin, I’ve Just Never Been Able to Get Laid

Boss to underling: It’s not that Ender’s Game is Sci-Fi, it’s just set in the future.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: annoyed office mate

You Had Us at “Smegma Sandwich”

Cubicle #1: That movie was complete donk.
Cubilce #2: You’re a snob. I thought it was fun, and I loved the Roxanne Tango bit.
Cucible #1: Dude, that movie was a smegma sandwich and fuck anyone who says otherwise.
Cubicle #3: Hear, hear.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: still laughing

Did Donald Duck Abuse Huey, Dewey and Louie? Discuss.

Older woman discussing the movie Bambi: Why did they keep calling him “little prince?” And where was his father?
Receptionist: Bucks don’t participate in raising the fawns.
Older woman: That’s so mean!

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by:

They Couldn’t Find Enough Four-Fingered Actors for the Live-Action Version

Coworker #1: How was The Simpsons Movie?
Coworker #2: Pretty good.
Coworker #1: It’s not the cartoon version, is it?
Coworker #2: Uhh… Yeah.

Navy Yard
Washington, DC

Overheard In The Office

Archive for the ‘Cinema’ Category