Archive for the ‘Bosses and Underlings’ Category

Singing Telegram?

Boss: So, your voice­mail kicked me off be­cause my mes­sage was too short. I can un­der­stand it cut­ting you off if you start in on a mono­logue, but what if you just want to leave a mes­sage say­ing, ‘Fuck you’?

Rock­e­feller Uni­ver­si­ty
New York, New York

Over­heard by: Mol­ly the Mole

12PM In­ven­to­ry

Em­ploy­ee: Hey, I have an open hour to­day. Is there any­thing you need?
Su­per­vi­sor #1: Um, yeah. One of the ceil­ing tiles broke, and they don’t make that type any­more, and in or­der to get an es­ti­mate re­do­ing all the ceil­ing tiles, I need you to go around and count them.
Su­per­vi­sor #2: Yeah…but in the cor­ners: you know how they aren’t full tiles? You need to mea­sure them and fig­ure out what per­cent­age of a full tile it is. You know, so we can get an ac­cu­rate as­sess­ment.

30 min­utes go by.

Su­per­vi­sor #1: Are you se­ri­ous­ly count­ing all of those tiles?
Em­ploy­ee: Yeah, why? Oh, man. Fuck you guys.

11161 Mill Val­ley Road
Om­a­ha, Ne­bras­ka

Over­heard by: Bronx­ie

I Can Hear the Awk­ward Si­lence from Here

Work­er: [Jeff] did­n’t come in be­cause he has pneu­mo­nia. We went to the hos­pi­tal yes­ter­day.
Man­ag­er: Ever since you and [Jeff] start­ed dat­ing he’s be­gun falling apart. Now he’s got pneu­mo­nia. That’s what drugs will do to you; low­er your im­mune sys­tem.
Work­er: That could­n’t have been it…It’s been 2 weeks since we’ve tak­en ec­sta­cy.

7350 S. Tami­a­mi Trail
Sara­so­ta, Flori­da

‘Fuck You’ Was More of a Re­quest Than an Ex­ple­tive

Man­ag­er: Can you gath­er up the oth­er guys? We have to move a bunch of stuff.
Em­ploy­ee: Fuck you.
Man­ag­er: What did you just say to me?
Em­ploy­ee: Fuck you, ass­hole.
Man­ag­er: Are you nuts?
Em­ploy­ee: Fuck you, bitch.
Man­ag­er: You’re fired. Get out of here.
Em­ploy­ee: I was­n’t clocked in. You can’t fire me.
Man­ag­er walks to com­put­er, clocks him in, says, ‘You’re fired,’ and then clocks him out.
Em­ploy­ee: That’s so un­fair.

Cir­cle Cen­tre Mall

Over­heard by: Shat­man­du