I Just Meant We’ll Have Rough, Mammalian Sex

Assistant to director: I think I’m going to ride your beast tonight. (pause) Wait. That came out wrong.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Because Their Secretary Told Me They’re Missing Page 47 over There

Boss: I’ve got part of the Kama Sutra on my wall.
Employee: Do we need to talk to H.R.?

175 South 3rd Street
Columbus, Ohio

Dog: Sweetie, All You Have to Do Is Say ‘Please’

Chairman: It will be easy, like pulling a greasy stick out a dog’s arse.
Employee: That’s all well and good, but we have to get the greasy stick in there first!

Barrow-in-Furness
Cumbria, England

The Way Hamsters Eat While They Nap

Woman #1: Oh my god! My husband sent me three dozen roses for no reason!
Woman #2: Wow, someone really wants a blowjob.
Boss: Hey, you can’t say ‘blowjob’! We have young interns working here!
Woman #2: Are you serious? Those intern sluts give blowjobs in their sleep.

New Jersey

3PM Internship

Boss: How many servers do you think Google has?
Lackey: Infinite.
Boss: Infinite? You’re a retard.

15 Alatarinda Road
Orinda, California

Overheard by: choking on a brownie

Single-User Databases Leave Everyone Unsatisfied

Supervisor: Can you pull out of there now?
Peon: I’m not quite done with it yet.

Sacramento, California

Tiger Has the Opposite Problem. In Every Sphere Of Life.

Boss to underling: Takes me 10, 12 times to get to the hole. That’s the way it is.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: DirtyContractor

9AM Back to Work

Boss: I sent you an email.
Assistant: Oh, thanks.
Pause
Boss: You going to read it?
Assistant: No, I don’t do emails anymore. I gave that up.
Boss: Hmmm.… I like that. “I don’t do emails anymore”. I like that. I’m going to go with it.
Assistant: Yeah, it’s working for me so far.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

In Michigan, You’re Lucky to Get Even a Single Entendre

Boss, during full staff meeting: So I asked him, “why does a person need semen to mow the lawn?“
Underling, quietly, to no one in particular: Does she know that’s a double entendre?
Presenter, loudly: So back to the operating budget…

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: No you did not

I’m Trying to Get the Visual Just Right

Boss: It was some chick college…
Minion: I have to ask, was it an Asian chick college?

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: outside laughing