I Was Going to Say “Babies”

Assistant #1: Do you know what they used to use to get the color in red velvet cake?
Assistant #2: Blood?
Assistant #1: No. Beets.
Assistant #2: That’s disgusting.
Supervisor: Compared to your guess?

Sacramento, California

12PM Meeting with HR

Supervisor: I didn’t just say that to him because he’s gay, I would’ve said the same thing to you.
Worker: Oh yeah? How do you know I’m not gay?
Supervisor: I don’t. Are you?
Worker: Yes.
Supervisor: Okay then, have a nice day…

716 West Genesee Street
Syracuse, New York

9AM Thanksgiving…Come Back…

Secretary: You can’t do that!
VP: I’m like Bush. I answer to God.
Secretary: You answer to me!
VP: Isn’t that what I just said?

10559 Citation Drive
Brighton, Michigan

Overheard by: Abigail Fisher 

9AM Back to Work

Supervisor: Okay, let me give you some advice. I’ve seen a lot of Lifetime movies, and–
Employee: You know, I think I gotta ask someone else about this. Thanks, though!

107 Jackson Street
Berea, Kentucky

He’s Paid to Look, Not to Work

A supervisor walks up to the back of a free-standing file cabinet.

Supervisor: How do I open this?
Employee: You go around to the front and open the door.

8 King Road
Rockleigh, New Jersey

The Law Requires You to Accommodate My Missing Tentacle

Manager to clumsy coworker: You’re about as graceful as a seven-legged octopus with a muscle spasm!

Fast food joint
Fayetteville, Arkansas

Overheard by: Dubird

Tides Me Over ‘Til I Can Get Out to My Anarchist Compound

Boss: What’s your password? I want to sign in and test the new system we set up.
Office gal: ‘Detonate.‘
Boss: [Silence.]Office gal: What? I like typing ‘Detonate’ and hitting ‘Enter’! It’s extremely satisfying!

60 East 42^nd Street
New York, New York

5PM That’s a Wrap

Boss: Can I see your boobs today?
Underling: Now would be a good time to put in my two weeks.

950 Eller Drive
Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Nobody Can Take a Deposition Like You

Attorney: Okay, lay down on your desk.
Paralegal: Okay, but don’t look at my butt.
Attorney, after long pause: Wow, you have an amazing pain tolerance!

Burien, Washington

Overheard by: third wheel

Scientists Vow to Get to Bottom of IT / B.O. Link

IT guy: Hey, can I convince one of you to go get me and my friends a coffee?
Production manager: What friends? All I see is you.
IT guy: My friends. Y’know, the people I hang with.
Production manager: No one hangs with you.
Production assistant: Yeah, you smell bad.

Oakleaf Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Ren