Office peon to others: What do you do if you're conjoined twins with only one ass and the other twin keeps farting blood and you want to wear white pants?
Quebec City
Canadia
Overheard by: Frank
Archive for the ‘Body Parts’ Category
Um, Yeah, I Saw the YouTube Video.
Sales guy #1: Wanna go across the street to the deli for lunch? I hear they make a mean BLT.
Sales guy #2: They're expensive.
Sales guy #1: Dude… I'm so frekkin rich I wipe my ass with dollar bills.
Seattle, Washington
I Don't See Much Market for a Pants Cam, Though
Guy in cubicle on phone: Well, it feels like it's about 3 or 4 inches up in there! No… No. Well, did you see the pictures? Because you can totally see it's all the way up in there!
Oil Company
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Like That One Time at Andy Dick's House
Worker getting up from corner of a desk: Oh my god, I think I sat on a nerve… My penis is numb! You know the technique “the stranger” where you sit on your hand?
Coworker: Yeah.
Numb worker: This is the opposite of that, it's like I have someone else's penis in my pants right now.
168th Street
Omaha, Nebraska
The Body Of Christ, for Instance.
Boss: (reaches for candy from office candy jar)
Subordinate: Don't eat the chocolate bunny candies, those things are creepy.
Boss: I've put weirder things in my mouth.
Manhattan, New York
Huey, Dewey, and Louie Break Into the Money Pit
E-marketing project manager to group of account services team members: They still took your money. They took your money and they rolled around in it with their balls out.
Technology Park
Lake Mary, Florida
Overheard by: Design Goddess
I Wondered Why We Kept Receiving Nipple Clamps for the Toys for Tots Drive
Worker #1: Ohmigod! I was typing a letter and I was typing really fast and instead of typing “tots” I typed “tits”!
Worker #2, underwhelmed: Really? That's funny.
Worker #1: No, really!! I typed “tits,” like t-i-t-s, at least I think that's how you spell it.
Jefferson City, Missouri
In Case You Wondered Why I Just Soiled My Ergonomic Chair
Cube clown: My mother used to do weird stuff when I was growing up. Like, I still sleep with my foot outside the covers, and she used to crawl in on her hands and knees and grab my foot.
Dallas, Texas
Why “Employees Must Wash Hands” Signs Exist
Gay server #1: We’ll be meeting that non-lesbian who looks just like a guy.
Gay server #2: Dibs on her anus.
[pause]Gay server #1: It’s always about the anus with you, isn’t it?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
But I Deflowered It and Everything!
Girl: Stop playing with my bush.
Guy: I'm not playing with it, I'm moving it out of the way.
Girl: Well, don't come in here if you have to move it.
Guy: I can't stay out here and get what I want without coming in, and the bush is in my way.
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Mel