Now If Only We Could Figure Out a Way to Blame This on Men…

Person #1: My vagina is as fucked as the Gaza strip.
Person #2: Can I suggest a nice Jewish gyno?
Person #1: I don't want her to colonize my vag. Monistat will work just fine.
Person #2: You could just shove some Challah bread up there and have the yeast go to town on your sorry ghettoized crotch.

Boston, Massachusetts

3PM Smoke Break

Co-worker #1: Hey, are your balls getting hot?
Co-worker #2: Quite.
Co-worker #1: I hear a hot laptop kills your sperm.
Co-worker #2: I’m all for it. I smoke the seeds, too.

1759 T Street NW
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Brendan B

If It Involves Your Bunions Again, I'm Hanging Up.

Coworker on phone: Ma'am, are you an owner with Melvin? I can't help you if you're not an owner with Melvin. Again, ma'am, I can't help you if you're not an owner with Melvin. We didn't even book your vaca…okay, fine. Tell me your little story.

Redmond, Washington

Raise Your Hand If You Love Wite-Out

Old lady #1: They'll be all “whats that white stuff on yo' face?”
Old lady #2: Just tell 'em it's White-Out or something…

Delran, New Jersey

Overheard by: Bruce Banner

And Maybe You Could Spruce It Up a Bit?

Art director to photographer: So, how big is your rack?
(rest of table bursts out laughing)
Art director: Okay! I guess we're all 13 here!
Photographer: You gotta admit, that was good.
Art director: Yeah, it was good.
(at the end of photo shoot meeting)
Art director: Don't forget to bring your rack on Friday!

Van Nuys, California

Because I Have Been Getting a Little Unkempt Back There

Engineer to another: What'd you just say? My ass is grass? And you're the lawnmower?

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: jt

It's Easy to Spot Your Co-Workers Who Were Popular in High School

Cube dweller: Where are my pretzels? I just feel like putting stuff in my mouth.

Scotts Valley, California

Overheard by: Mari

Biblicly.

Female intern: Another intern?
Male manager: Yup. You're not so new anymore.
Female intern: What's his name?
Male manager: Dick.
Female intern: Really? I know a Dick.
Male manager: Do you?
Female intern: Yeah, I know like three Dicks!

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: this wun guy

What’s the Upside Here?

Chick on cell, going to see her dad at work: Not shaving my legs is my chastity belt — now I can get drunk and not be a slut.

Main Street
Dallas, Texas

Overheard by:

Johnson & Johnson Pharmaceuticals Is Twice-Blessed

Student #1: Is her name Johnson or Johnston?
Student #2: It's Johnston, stupid! “Johnson” is another way to say penis.

Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Ms. Johnston