Coworker to another, about bus driver: I couldn't even get it out of my mouth before he started bellowing.
Swiftwater, Pennsylvania
Archive for the ‘Body Parts’ Category
You Seem to Be Missing My Point Deliberately
Senior editor: I know! I could sue the company. I injured my toenail at a company event. What do you think loss of a toenail is worth?
Writer: I don't know. See what they're selling for on eBay.
Renton, Washington
…Thankfully That's in This Season.
Coworker, after being asked several times if she likes a coworker's new shoes: No, they're ugly like your face.
Missoula, Montana
Should I Start Referring to Yeast Infections As “Infiltration of the Defensive Line”?
Female coworker #1: I’m sure *Mark hates being the only guy on these smoke breaks; especially when we start talking about our vagina issues.
Female coworker #2: That’s how I feel when y’all talk about football. Football is my vagina.
Sex Toy Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess
I Find Those Two Statements to Be Incompatible
Boss to others, while riding to lunch: You don't want to eat at Infinity, the only thing on the menu there is penis.
Pittsbrurgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Brad
It’s Amazing He Can Be Such a Good Lawyer, Despite Being Blind
Female staffer #1: You know what David* said to me? He said, “In case you know anyone who’s having a vasectomy, I have some advice for you to give them.” And then he told me about how they gave him a jock strap to wear after his surgery to keep everything in place, but that the one they gave him was too small. And I said, “David! I don’t want to hear any more!” But he kept talking about how uncomfortable it was to wear a jock strap that was too small for him after having his vasectomy. I was afraid he was going to start describing exactly how his balls were getting squeezed.
Female staffer #2: See, that’s a perfect example of how David is always so passive. If he weren’t so passive, he’d just say, “I want everyone to know I’m hung like a horse.”
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
That and the Tragic Banana Allergy
Coworker #1 to coworker #2, wearing a cast: What did you do to your hand?
Coworker #2: I broke my thumb.
Coworker #1: You need your thumb. That's what makes you not a monkey!
Titusville, Florida
Overheard by: Hoss
Is It Just Us, or Are You Imagining Romantic Music Swelling in the Background?
Male employer: You shaved this morning!
Male employee: Your hands are cold!
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Way Too Early in the Morning
I’m Sure You’ll Be a Fine President
Employee #1: You know that part of your brain that stops you from doing stupid shit?
Employee #2: Nope.
Employee #1: Oh.
Galleria
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: consultantinka
When I Do Pushups, It Sounds Like I'm Serving Pudding
Grad student: I have to scoop my boobs out of my armpit when I lay down.
Charleston, South Carolina