Can We Get through One Meal With­out You Ask­ing That?

Lunch mate #1: We should be parts of the re­pro­duc­tive sys­tem for Hal­loween.
Lunch mate #2: Oooooh, can I be a cli­toris?!”

Scar­bor­ough
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Cnote

5PM That’s a Wrap

Sales #1: Have you called any pre­vi­ous cus­tomers yet?
Sales #2: I’ve called cus­tomers till I’m blue in the ass.

973 Ope­li­ka Road
Auburn, Al­aba­ma

Over­heard by: Rob Byrd

Be­cause, If So, You’re Right!

Boss: So, what do you like about work­ing here?
Em­ploy­ee: Well, I re­al­ly like that work­ing here, you have your hands on the pulse of cam­pus.
Boss: I’m sor­ry, did you say “the balls of cam­pus”?

Ann Ar­bor, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Did­sh­e­re­al­ly­thinksh­e­saidthat?

See Ya Lat­er, Ed

Cowork­er: I’m leav­ing ear­ly, y’all. I ripped my pants, and I can’t work with my vagi­na hang­ing out.

De­troit, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Up against her for a pro­mo­tion

I’ll Switch to Work­ing the Kid­neys, Then

Co-work­er #1: I promise every­one around here re­al­ly likes you.
Co-work­er #2: OK, but you re­al­ly have to stop punch­ing me in the face.

1271 Av­enue of the Amer­i­c­as
New York, NY

In Case You Won­dered Why I Just Soiled My Er­gonom­ic Chair

Cube clown: My moth­er used to do weird stuff when I was grow­ing up. Like, I still sleep with my foot out­side the cov­ers, and she used to crawl in on her hands and knees and grab my foot.

Dal­las, Texas

We’ll Con­tin­ue to Mon­i­tor This De­vel­op­ment Close­ly

Re­cep­tion­ist: Ooh! I like your boots!
Teach­ing as­sis­tant: Thanks! I ac­tu­al­ly have legs now!
Re­cep­tion­ist: You have great legs!
Pass­ing teacher: She’s nev­er had legs be­fore.

Bex­hill Col­lege
Eng­land

…As My Cof­fee Mug Clear­ly States.

Fe­male cowork­er: I do any­thing that comes in my box.

Mer­ri­mack, New Hamp­shire

Over­heard by: Ste­fanie G.

Here’s Huey Lewis to Ex­plain

Fe­male cowork­er: (makes kiss­ing nois­es while hov­er­ing over male cowork­er’s neck)
Male re­cip­i­ent: See? I had a wart there. Now, gone!

The Loop
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Of­fice Nin­ja

…While Restart­ing Their Com­put­ers

Tech sup­port girl: So, what should I tell them? They say their in­ter­net is slow.
Tech sup­port su­per­vi­sor: Tell them to suck my big brown dick.

On­tario
Cana­dia