12PM Go Over Contracts

Contractor: …so we should definitely take a good look at him. I
don’t want to snowball with more mess.
Specialist: …Um…Yeah.

12443 Olive Boulevard
St. Louis, Missouri

1PM Lunch

Butcher #1: What does that bacon look like to you
Butcher #2: An abortion?
Butcher #1: Exactly. So fix it!

1177 W. Market Street
Akron, Ohio

Overheard by: Nate Kelly 

2PM Summer Internship Starts

Intern: Where’s will-call? I have to drop off tickets.
Security dude: Will Call? Who’s that? [Calls manager over] Manager chick: You’re looking for Will?

662 6^th Avenue
New York, NY

12PM Lunch

Customer: So, this Wild Mushroom Pizza, does it have mushrooms on it?
Waitress: Ummm, yeah. 

701 Lynnhaven Parkway
Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Cassandra

Have You Tried Fiber?

Receptionist to air conditioner repair man: My fanny thing leaks!
Cube dwellers, listening: What?
Receptionist: It drips on my desk.

New Zealand

Overheard by: YOUR WHAT!!!

Have You Tried to Copper Feel?

Handyman: Can you see the pipe?
Owner of record store, with head in ceiling: Yeah, I think it’s rusted though.
Handyman, under breath: Your mom’s pipes are rusted through.

Newark, Delaware

You Looked So Cute in Your SpongeBob Jammies

Mechanic #1: I climbed your tree last night.
Mechanic #2: You climbed my tree?
Mechanic #1: Don’t worry about it.

Alaska

… Gorgeous Food-Carrier Lady

Biotechy waitress: It is really nice having dishwasher boy here.
Polite waitress: He has a name! His name is Rick*!
Biotechy waitress, to Rick: Do you mind if I call you ‘dishwasher boy’?
Dishwasher boy: No! It means I have a job title!

931 Redd Road
El Paso, Texas

…Now Would You Prefer a Metal or Wooden Bat?

Auto claims adjuster on phone: I’m authorized to offer you $1,000 for the pain and suffering I’m about to give you.

Brentwood, Tennessee

Or I Hope He Did, Because Otherwise That’s Just Sad

Peon on the phone: My brother in-law’s sister is coming over tonight, I think I’m gonna nail her. [Pauses.] Why not? He nailed mine.

Industrial Park Drive
Texas

Overheard by: peon incharge